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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Think my son is autistic but Health Visitor thinks his behaviour is all down to me!

13 replies

blues2pinks0 · 24/04/2009 18:31

ds1 has always been a bit different but now ds2 is getting older i can see just how different he is. Although he is doing well at pre-school and forms loving relationships there are a number of things that make me think he could be on the autistic spectrum. He gets 'stuck' on certian details- like if we talk about his birthday he is not interested in anything except if he can have a party popper, he wants me to explain every road sign we see, when he goes to school we have to stroke a particular car (not ours!) on the way in. Most upsetting are his very intense tantrums where he is very distraught and it can take some time to work out what's wrong. He can also be agressive and intimidating and can't understand why that upsets his victim. We have been through a tough time as a family but I really don't think this is stress-related. Anyone with any experience out there?

OP posts:

Peachy · 24/04/2009 18:47

Hello

I definitely have experience of this LOL.

I have 4 boys, 2 are asd diagnosed. DS3 is mroe'clear cut' IYKWIM but ds1 seems more able / bright than he is and certainly we were told several times it was down to parenting (funnily enogh none of out pthers have the same main issue- aggression- as ds1).

I can offer you hope- as time has passed the ASD traits have become clear cut in more ways so we haven;t ahd this accusation for a long time, although i am still skilled at blaiming myself.

Kids on teh spectrum can form loving relationships, these are not precluded by the Triad of impairments after all, and it is that triad which informs a DX.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 24/04/2009 18:49

HV is not qualified to even TRY to diagnose your son.

Peachy mentions the triad of imparements. A good thing to do would be to write down specific examples of how he has issues in each area. And demand an assessment.

Peachy · 24/04/2009 18:52

a link

I dont know if you realise blues2, but many years ago ASD was thought to be down to 'refridgerator aprenting' (ie cold Mums). now, we know now that it is not the case at all and a great many of us asd aprents are anything but cold, however you know how it is and once a belief like that takes hold it stays in older minds and texts and appears reegualrly at the beckoning of prats under informed people

Original poster

blues2pinks0 · 24/04/2009 19:33

Thanks for your help. HV even said I should try taking anti-depressants - but not really sure how that's going to stop him wanting to stroke cars! We are getting referred for an assessment so hopefully the next professional we see will be a bit more helpful and a bit less judgemental. I've looked at the triad and he is def ticking lots of boxes. Most of the time he seems really happy but I know he's finding it hard to make sense of the world and as he's getting older its getting more apparent. Thanks peachy - I didn't know about that history, and forewarned is def better.

OP posts:

Peachy · 24/04/2009 19:37

ASd is a complex dx and an HV simply sin't trained in anything mroe than flag ging alarms; and badly at that IME as neither of my boys were flagged by their HV's.

TotalChaos · 24/04/2009 19:39

as long as you have got a referral to the appropriate professional then you need never discuss with the HV again if you feel she is completely unsupportive.

5inthebed · 24/04/2009 20:40

Don't you just love HVs? Mine said Ds2 couldn't have ASD as he ould tell the difference between hot and cold . As it so happens, he is very sensitive to cold.

DS2 also has a very strong relationship with me, but it is more of an obsession iykwim. He thinks he owns me.

Try not to let her idiotic comments stop you trying to get a dx for your DS, or even just some help for him and your whole family.

Widemouthfrog · 24/04/2009 20:56

My HV is visiting on Tues as I am terrified DS2 is starting to show alot of traits. (DS1 has ASD)5inthe bed - he is obsessive with me and thinks he owns me, just like your description.
I am expecting to be told he is copying DS1, or that he does not get enough attention, or that i am under stress. But I know that is not the case.
Our old HV told me that DS1 was fine after observing his flapping and sensory seeking behaviour because to quote 'they all do odd things at this age'.
HVs are next to useless in my experience, but I am hoping I can be proved wrong next week.
I second making a list against the triad of impairments, and present it to your GP. You can get a referral without the HV. I did this with DS1.

kettlechip · 24/04/2009 22:02

Widemouth, our HV was great, but she had a real interest in ASD. She knew more than any GP I've met since. I think ultimately you need to trust your instincts though. How old is your ds2?

Widemouthfrog · 25/04/2009 09:59

DS2 will be 3 next month - exactly the same age that we started to see the odd behaviours kick in with DS1.
I'm not sure he is on the spectrum, but I do think he has a very strange sensory profile, and possibly ADHD type behaviour. definitely not your 'typical' 3 year old , if there is such a thing. Oh, and very hard work!

Widemouthfrog · 25/04/2009 10:01

Opps, sorry blue, I think thats a bit of a thread hijack

pagwatch · 25/04/2009 11:42

TBH spotting ASD is difficult enough for people trainned - an HV stands no chance

DS2 was about as severe as it is possible for a two year old to be and HV still thought he just needed to go to a good mother and toddler group.

Don't even think about HV and diagnosis in the same context. Getr a referrral and have specific examples of your concerns.
BTW DS2 is and always has been very loving. Loving behaviour is not precluded by ASD

stevie74 · 01/05/2009 00:03

I have 3 DD's all of whom show traitsof A.S. My eldest was diagnosed with Apspergers at 3.5yrs and we are now a year on from that diagnosis, my middle DD is 3 & going through diagnosis and my youngest is 20mths and has so many traits it kicks you in the ass but my HV wants to wait!!
With my eldest daughter things were so bad at home I called social services and asked for help as i feared i was going to harm her. I was lucky and spoke to a lovely social worker who asked me to explain everything that was going on, which i did. She asked me if i'd ever heard of Aspergers Syndrome which i hadn't and said that she was almost positive my DD had this but as she wasn't medicaly trained she told me what to do.
Go to your GP and DEMAND to be referred for a developmental check with the community paediatrician. If your GP is like mine they'l refuse but i refused to leave his office till he did... We got our referral and the appointment within months. After the developmental check came the Consultant Paediatrician who we are still under now. It is a long fight and you have to fight for everything but it can be so worth while, especially if like me your children are young as there is so many changes we as parents can make that will benefit your child. I have attended several courses and seminars since our diagnosis and changed so much in our lives that my DD's tantrums that were x10 daily are reduced to 1 or 2 a week now.

Bypass your HV and even if, like for me it is out of character, demand the referral and dont take no for an answer. HV's and GP's don't know everything and a specialist is what is needed so go see one.

Good luck
Steph x

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