I know this is so silly but it has stupidly 'got to me'

[Barmymummy]

I relly do know this is daft and if it was my mate I would be poo-pooing her worries in a matter of seconds BUT why is it so different when its your own kid?

DS is waiting for a hosp appt to check him over for poss ASD but since the wait (Feb) I have seen him make important improvements and I am really doubting ASD now and contemplating communication delays instead. Anyway:

Positives include:

Speech moved up another level. More choice of words and sentences and yesterday told me why a girl was crying at playschool. Previously he could only really say that she was crying, not why.

Playing with his sister aged 6 (DS 4 in June). On Sunday they played together for an HOUR (YES 1 WHOLE HOUR!) without DS or DD shouting for me as the other one was doing something to annoy the other. They were laughing so hard and it was so lovely to hear. Am sure this was due to DS's better speech skills so was therefore able to communicate better with DD.

Making some friends at playschool. He now says "Hello Isacc" enthusiastically with a wave or whoever he sees and today he even held his friends hand whilst walking up the road and they were having a basic little chat etc. That brought a tear to me eye I must admit.

Whilst playing with his toys he is now still using delayed echolalia but he is varying it and using 'other echolalia' as opposed to the favourites. He is also now re-enacting scenes we do as a family. EG He loves trains so some evenings we drive to a railway crossing (sad I know ) and we say "which way will the train come?" etc etc and he is now spewing this out including the car parked at the crossing, the train on the tracks, people waiting to get on the train, that sort of thing. Still no spontaneous or 100% imaginative narration though.

After the Easter break I thought he would struggle to want to go back to playschool but he was well up for it! Couldn't wait to dump his coat and play (instead of following me around and clinging to my leg). Was so thrilled!

BUT....today at playschool they have started doing lunch & PE for the kids that are starting school next term. DS has lunch once a week so thats not new to him but the PE thing was. I talked him through what was going to happen lots and he seemed to understand. All they are doing is helping the kids to learn to get dressed/undressed etc. Anyway, when I went to get him he said he had been crying and sure enough the teacher said he had got upset when they were doing it but did stop and joined in ok at the end.

Now I know it was new etc but no one else cried and I guess I just got all my hopes up that he would take this in his stride....he is now saying he doesn't want to do 'exercising' at playschool anymore .

Am being so daft getting upset about him getting upset and am about to hit the delete button on this post as its so silly.....tell me I am being daft and he'll be fine....

hello barmy, I identify a lot with what you're saying. At one point I was convinced ds1 (3.8) was definitely ASD but he's also made rapid improvements and is engaging well with us that I'm not so sure now. I do still have niggles though, and I doubt he'd be able to tell me why a child was crying, for example. He is definitely atypical in language and social development, although he doesn't really demonstrate classic ASD traits.

It could be that your ds (and mine) are on the spectrum but very very mildly, and their symptoms will recede away as they get older and develop language skills. I think this may have happened with DH and am wondering if ds will be similar. Or it could be a language disorder, or a language delay. There is such an overlap I don't know how anyone gets dxed!

Try not to worry about the dressing thing, some of the children in ds' nursery class really work themselves up about this, and they're completely NT. It's not necessarily a cause for concern, it's more that you're analysing everything with ASD in mind, and making it fit iyswim. I am very similar so do understand.

Have you read Nikos' link, posted earlier today? It's really interesting on how to identify children who are actually on the spectrum, and those who exhibit mild tendencies but wouldn't qualify for a dx.

what kettle says. it sounds as though he's been making excellent progress. any blip or hiccup is bound to bring back all your previous concerns. sometimes the little setbacks can overshadow the development that is taking place in our dcs. the social progress that your ds is making sounds very promising though!

Kettle you have read my mind. I absolutely think he is on the spectrum but very very midly and thats even more confusing!

Things he used to do he has definately stopped/grown out of but looking back were they just 2 year old behaviours that I was looking at with ASD biased eyes....who knows.

I am noticing bahviour changes/improvements every time his language notches up a gear so am ever hopeful. Thanks so much for not making me feel stupid and it helps so much to know I am not alone,xxx

Aww Robin I have tears in my eyes now, thank you so much, you are so right. When he makes great progress with something I am too scared to celebrate it in case he does something negative and makes me doubt him if that makes sense?

So instead of being thrilled to see these new fab positives I am completely wound up in this silly probably very NT act of crying at getting changed!

Sorry Kettle yes I did read Mikos link, very interesting, esp as DS has delayed echolalia. Am certain after reading that that DS does not have primary concerns, just secondary...gives me great hope,xx

Hi

Got lost in the dx circus as well! With us it was the is he, isn't he - so much energy spent on it and totally consuming.

Barmy your ds is making progress and that is brilliant, enjoy being thrilled with him!

My ds2 (asd) asked his sister the other day 'what her favourite something or other was" - I was so thrilled - imagine asking her what her favourite was - god it still makes me smile!! Oh, he gave her a kick later on and swore at me - but, hey ho, progress is still being made!

Barmy, there have been some good discussions on this board about how you have to somehow "get beyond" the "has he got ASD" question..... easily said right now. Talk to me this afternoon after my paed. appointment and the self-confidence may have ebbed just a little........

Oh Lingle am wishing you lots of luck with your appt, let us know how you get on, will be thinking of you,xx

I think sometimes all of us need to look how far we've come rather than look too far ahead. It's a bit overwhelming trying to guess how this will turn out so it really is a one step at a time job. Easier said than done, I know.

Barmy, Your ds sounds to have made brilliant progress, and to be communicating really well with you - that is fantastic and don't let anything convince you otherwise.Please keep posting, I find it really comforting to know that others feel the way I often do!

Kettlechip Hi, sort of hijacking this, but felt compelled to comment about the 'growing out of stuff' point. My ds2 aged 6 is dx ADHD, but so many of the things he did to warrant the dx have gone away.

The constant chatting, fidgeting, running (not walking), not being able to concentrate at nursery or school, getting up in class and walking around, touching everything when he passed it, spinning around 'till he made me feel sick, the general 100mph kid - ALL GONE.

He was also delayed in speech and language, but that has come on bundles and these days he'll chat the legs off a donkey and make mature and meaningful observations/comments - which was non-existent before. He changes every month, maturity wise (isn't that what kids do?). I'm left feeling really confused as to what part of all of these 'symptoms' were due to the ADHD or just his age/personality/genetics. So much so, that we have just completed our final assessments via a private pediatrician/child psychologist/SALT.

Please try not to get hung up too much on labels (hard I know). My dd does have an asd dx but she is ahead of some of the language disordered/delay children in her unit in terms of social and emotional skills. I only know this because the senco told me! Asd is not as scary as some people think, it just sign posts professionals to give your child the right help. Good luck

ICANDOTHAT, that's wonderful to hear about your ds. I think we maybe have so much information to hand, we start analysing everything our dc's do and lose sight of the vast range of "normal" behaviour in small children.

DH didn't speak in sentences until he was 5, and then it suddenly clicked into place and he shot to top of his class academically. I can see very mild ASD traits in the way he relates to people sometimes, but it's so mild you wouldn't notice unless you were looking for it. He's a company director now, so it hasn't held him back in life, I just have to nudge him if he's tactless now and again!

Kettle - funny you should say that about your DH as mine is completely useless at accepting change! If we decorate he gets all twitchy and 'funny' though once done he's fine. He's a creature of routine and habit and although it doesn't really affect our every day life, it can be sooo irritating lol! Love him to death though despite his little quirks and I should look at DS the same way instead of trying to analize his behaviour all the time. I love him no matter what, quirks and all . Am sure we all feel exactly the same,xx

BLIMEY !! It's just hit me about my DH. He was put back a year at school, struggled with communication and to this day blurts the most inappropriate and ill timed comments out ... much to my horror . However, he's very successful in business and people tend to warm to him .... eventually !! My MIL often comments how ds2 is like him as a child.

ICAN - there you go! We have some spooky parallels going on I think. MIL also says exactly the same, and even produced a photo of DH doing the funny screwed up eyes face that ds sometimes does..

my ds`(3y5m) is on the spectrum , not sure where though as he keeps on progressing (what a change from last year) and surprising me, which is just the most wonderful thing. he will always have his quirks and instinct reaction, but it learning all the time. yesterday, was one of though beautiful moments as he said, mummy lie next to me (he held my hand we lay together on the bed) and said look as the sky (ceiling), pillow hill, flying seals (seal mobile hanging from the ceiling), book mountain - related to a book we've been reading, but clearly connected him and he could express it. only been talking 6m ....

Jasdox - ahhh, what a lovely moment for you

Ahhhh thats just lovely, made me go all goose pimpley, just wonderful,xx