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Words fail re assistance dog

26 replies

amber32002 · 20/04/2009 07:31

Well, this is certainly the year from hell. As some of you knew, I had an 'unofficial' assistance dog who was just wonderful and learned to help me in a variety of useful ways. Yesterday, she collapsed going on a walk, and the emergency vet found inoperable, invisible cancer of the spleen. It's a 'silent cancer' - often there's no sign of it until the last stage, which is what happened here. We've had to let her go.

DS is finding it really, really hard too. He's been awake half the night, and I worry about DH - he's been so ill and we've had one disaster after another this year.

So very sad. I'll try to write something of what it feels like to lose an assistance pet soon, but can't manage it right now...

OP posts:
PheasantPlucker · 20/04/2009 07:44

So sorry Amber

HecatesTwopenceworth · 20/04/2009 07:49

Really sorry about that Amber.

Flamesparrow · 20/04/2009 07:53

Oh amber

slightlycrumpled · 20/04/2009 08:03

So sorry amber.

streakybacon · 20/04/2009 08:32

Very sorry to hear that Amber. Thinking of you

bullet123 · 20/04/2009 08:44

Oh no . I'm thinking of you all.

JackBauer · 20/04/2009 08:54

Oh Amber, am so sorry.

5inthebed · 20/04/2009 08:59

So sorry Amber.

nikos · 20/04/2009 09:25

Really sorry Amber.

tclanger · 20/04/2009 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Threadworm · 20/04/2009 09:40

Very sorry to hear that. I remember than you recently lost another dog too. Really awful for you.

I think I can begin to imagine how particularly important the companionship of a dog is for someone with aspergers/autistic traits, even more than it is important for other dog lovers.

amber32002 · 20/04/2009 10:20

Yup, we've lost both our lovely lady dogs in the space of a single month, - such awful, awful timing.

It's the little things that hurt the most - so many occasions when I'd chat away to them because I know that there's no-one else who'd be the least bit interested in hearing about one of my hobbies. Dogs are such good listeners...even if they haven't a clue what we're saying most of the time. I ended up being an hour late for work because I'm just so used to Mrs C waking up at a certain time and reminding me of things at certain times. Good job I can't sack myself, really

OP posts:
LadyFio · 20/04/2009 10:37

oh amber, I am really sorry about your dog (s) xx

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/04/2009 12:20

So very sorry to read of this Amber.
You have my sympathies.

bunnyrabbit · 20/04/2009 12:30

So very sorry to hear that you have lost your companion. I do hope that you are all OK and can think about all the lovely times you had with her.

Would creating a scrap book help you all to come to terms with your loss? Or would that be a bad idea?

It sounds as if she didn't suffer a long illness so hopefully her last few days were happy ones.

BR

sc13 · 20/04/2009 14:33

I'm so sorry about your dog Amber, especially with everything else that's happened lately

amber32002 · 20/04/2009 14:45

bunnyrabbit, I'm not sure about the scrapbook - will have a think. Trouble is, that means choosing things to put in it, and choosing particular things is not my strong point.

You're right that her last days were happy ones - well, her whole life with us, really. She was a rescued dog who'd been really badly treated in the past, so it was a pleasure to work with her and let her just relax and enjoy life at last, as well as using her natural 'mum-herding' skills to keep me in order.

OP posts:
bunnyrabbit · 20/04/2009 15:09

Hi amber. You do make me laugh!!

As far as I'm aware I am NT (DS1 mild ASD) but that's something I am terrible at too. In fact I have just been downloading pictures to the PC and find it very difficult to delete any!!

I was just thinking that it might help you all remember the good times so to speak. Especially as this is the 2nd time in a month.

My parents lost their rescue dog last year. Losing Mutley was very hard (having to explain it to DS1 was interesting!) but I love the fact Mum and Dad have a digital photo frame and it's lovely when his picture comes up. They have a new rescue dog now.

I know it's a bit soon, but will you have another/s?

BR

kettlechip · 20/04/2009 15:26

Oh Amber, no..

What a traumatic year it's been for you so far, I have my fingers firmly crossed that things will start looking up for you very soon.

nikos · 20/04/2009 15:45

Amber- would it be helpful to tell us how special your dog was to you? My ds (4.5, ASD) is besotted with the dog next door and my other two children are eager to have a dog. So am very interested to see how a dog helps those with HFA/ASD.

amber32002 · 20/04/2009 16:18

Nikos, I think I've written a bit about it before, but I'm glad to write a bit.

Mrs C was rescued by Dogs Trust from an estate where she had clearly never been fed dog food or seen a dog bowl before, but thought all food came out of dustbins. She was thin, and scared, but there was something about her that said she was 'the one' for our family.

When we got her home, we had a very, very hard battle for six months, with the help of our dog trainer. Mrs C was frightened of everything new, had hardly seen a house before, was totally claustrophobic, hated being alone, was scared of phones, freaked out if anyone moved too fast or stood up in a kitchen. What on earth had been done to her, the poor little love?

Our other dog - a Bernese - acted as sensible sorter-outer for her, and they settled together as a pair.

Her work with me was almost accidental. I noted that she was very keen to follow me everywhere, and was observing what I did and when I did it. She then took it upon herself to start reminding me when I needed to do things, and so we worked on this together.

A dog is also such a fantastic 'ice breaker' with people. As well as being good listeners (hey, who else would listen to me describing my databases and collections without wanting to murder me ) they are a focus, someone to care for and care about, a source of conversation with other people. It doesn't take fancy skills or amazing tricks - it just takes a dog who is sensible and wise and wants to help a bit.

She was all of those things. I'll miss her greatly.

I'm talking with the assistance dogs people about schemes for adults with autism. They were nervous about it, in case we were jolly dangerous or likely to forget to care for the dog. They must be thinking about some other disability! Any person with a disability could have particular issues, of course, but generally speaking as adults we're obsessed with getting things right, and being fair. And we're so tuned into how animals think and feel and see and hear that it's often 'second nature' to us to know what an animal needs.

So, that's a bit about her.

Is it easy for children with an ASD to have a dog? Depends on the child and the family. If they are scared of dogs, or scared of barking, or scared of how the dog feels to touch, then it'd be very difficult. If they won't ever learn 'no', then that'd be difficult too, because the dog will need some space and all dogs have teeth.

But goodness me it can work. And beautifully, too. Very good books on the subject which look at the work with dogs and children.

OP posts:
nikos · 20/04/2009 16:35

Thank you Amber. Our ds lights up when he sees dogs. He's even had one bound up to him on the beach and knock him over and he just found it hysterical. He seems to feel very relaxed with dogs, doesn't get worried about getting it wrong IYKWIM.
The biggest problem at the moment is that dh works away for a good chunk of the week and I feel I have enough on my plate juggling three children and the asd. Maybe now not the right time for us.

WedgiesMum · 20/04/2009 16:45

Sorry to hear this Amber

Deeeja · 20/04/2009 17:18

I am very sorry to hear this Amber .
Sending cyber hugs,x

HelensMelons · 20/04/2009 18:56

I'm really sorry about Mrs C - she sounds like she was an absolute life line and best friend.

I'm sure you must be tea'd out - perhaps a cyber hug and a bar of chocolate or maybe a whole cake as things have been really stressful for you.

My sister's cat has been ill recently, he's 14 and a real sweetheart; he was the biggest kitten from my old cat Gloria (she was great also) and, it's ridiculous but everytime I think about him I fill up - gosh we get so attached!

Anyway, starting to be old and sentimental now; sending a hug x