Parents of chidren on the spectrum - how do you deal with people in your dcs face thinking they are helping by talking to them / fussing them?

[SammyK]

It drives me mad and I need a startegy, I know people mean well generally, but it is not helpful in DS' case and I need to convey this to people quickly without me snarling and DS screaming.

I am also considering info cards about autism - does anyone have these and have found them helpful?

I know exactly what you mean, and its so hard not to sound rude when asking/telling them not to do it. I can remember this old man talking non stop to DS2, expecting an answer from him and getting quite loud the more he talked. I simply had to say "Sorry, but he won't answer you back so its pointless talking to him".

I think you can get the cards off the NAS website, but don't quote me on that.

Yes I've seen the cards on the NAS website but couldn't read the info on them so wasn't sure what they said for aspies.

At the moment I either give people my evil patented glare whilst DS yells 'go away stop talking!'

It is worse in the nursery playground every morning, certain mums seem determined that they can cheer DS up and are not put off by there lack of success.

I will watch this with interest - can't really offer any advice but I totally sympathise! The other day we were on a trip out when DS2 had a major meltdown. A very sweet and well-meaning old dear butted in with the usual "big boys don't cry" etc, I smiled through gritted teeth and bundled DS off to calm him down, but her comments just made me (and him) even more stressed!

I am thinking of handing out some kind of autism info leaflet through school to all the parents. Did you know April is Autism Awareness month? Or maybe should just get a sign I can hold up that says bugger off!

I like the "oh, (s)he doesn't talk to strangers" [big charming grin] answer.

Leaves the people understanding that the child won't be responding, but also slightly wrong foots them into wondering whether actually the parent has been (rightly) teaching their child to avoid strangers. And that they are coming across as a threatening stranger.

I like the 'not talking to strangers' one . Unfortunately the one who mostly insists on 'testing' DS with questions in the hope of miraculously getting up to speak is my FIL...

sc13,my neighbour has done it with DS2 and she is a blooming consultant paediatrician! On her day off!

My 6 year old bluntly turns his back on people when they attempt this and says 'go away'
My 4 year old ds covers his face with his hands.
I just bluntly say, he is autistic, leave him alone, or less polite words to that affect if needed.

Oh.....'bluntly' appears to be my word of the day....

My NAS Autism alert cards read as follows:

One card with "Autism Alert - This person has autism" on it. Reverse side repeats this and says "autism is a developmental disability that affects social and communication skills. People with autism may behave in unpredictable ways as a result of their difficulty in understanding language and social situations. Please help by being understanding and showing tolerance."

It then gives autism helpline details and websites.
There is also a mini-leaflet in the card-wallet which goes into detail on autism and Asperger syndrome, detailing the problems with social interaction, communcation and imagination, and then giving hints on what to do or not do. And there's a paragraph for police or courts to read, just in case.

(you wouldn't believe how often we get stopped by police/airport security/whatever now they're trained to look for odd body language and lack of eye contact )

"you wouldn't believe how often we get stopped by police/airport security/whatever now they're trained to look for odd body language and lack of eye contact"

That will be DS in the not so distant future

The NAS card sounds very polite Amber, I am generally a bit more blunt, but may get some anyway for my good days. Like the 'stranger' retort but for us it tends to be people we see every day (I know one mum inparticular thinks she is gods gift and probably thinks she can cure him with her marvellous parenting)

"That won't work with him"

said in a very assertive way.

grr

Have a look at my lovely morning drop off at nursery for a prime example.

Blimey, SammyK! What rude people.

Having difficulty dispensing with the image of a letter biting people on the bum, though.

I have posted this before so sorry to bore but we made our own business sized cards and i would just hand one to anyone who tried to 'help' when DS2 was shrieking/screaming/rolling around etc.
They worked brillaintly.
Plus we let DS1 make his own one about his brother with his own wording as he particularly hated people staring. It was GREAT for him to be able to wordlessly hand over his card which said something along the linesof

" the boy you are staring at is my brother and he has autism....he is often frightened and is just a little boy trying his best" and the final line I remember " Plaese try and remember your manners and don't stare"

Worked without fail and he felt ( to be a bit wank=speak) totally empowered.

Seriously. make your own. You can even do a nice version and a fuck off version

That is brilliant pagwatch. Bet it really pulls people up.

Your little boy sounds so sweet and thoughtful pag. I may steal those words and do my own cards!

Having read the NAS ones I dont think they are personal enough for a small child. Good for an adult though.

teach your child to spit? big gobs of sputum usually stops unwanted attention.