sn and ex hubbys

[Phoenix4725]

ok bit of advice needed it how would you handle it if ex admits to the fact he can not deal with ds sn andwould rather just see dd in future .

Have currently told him to sling his hook but wondering if any you found they have come round to it in future and how

Phoenix, I replied in AIBU, but glad you posted here as well.

Personally, I think your XH is being very selfish and a little bit immature about it. Its easier to walk away from the responsibility of his DS than have to cope with it daily, like you are. I wouldn't let him see either DC if this was his attitude TBH.

So sorry he is being like this, wish I lived closer to give you more support.

If that where me I would do just what you have done, it's either both or none. Cheeky sod. Thing is it is such a common thing for the men to not be able to deal with it and run.
I am sorry you are having to put up with one of those, (((hugs)))

XP once said if anything ever happened to me he would need to get ds adopted as he couldnt cope with him, we split 2.5 years ago (he flung us out) and as time has passed he has mellowed a bit.
ds is nearly 5 and pretty much non verbal, XP used to think ds wasnt aware of too much so it wouldnt matter as ds didnt know what was going on, he has changed his attitude quite a bit now altho still wont take him out anywhere, just visits him in my house, think he's embarrased by ds and TBH i still think he would get him adopted!

some men just cant cope

Thnak you for replying just wantedto mke sure was not case of me being over protective of ds
been 2.5 years since we split and hes got worse as its become more obvious as ds got older that he has sn .And it is defintley case of hes embarrased by his son .Thibng is i live in small town so people tend know ds as hes were always out and about

And have decided its both or neither and if he dont like it he can lump it or I will lump him

yeah XP was fine when ds was a baby it was only as he got older and it was obvious that he had problems that XP decided it was all too much for him, think its all about how other people see it for him

yep same here he ws like ds problems could not have anything to do with me .

no one knows what caused ds problems ,and yes its all about what peoplethink of him

I would hit the roof! I cannot imagine how painful that must be to hear. I would certainly say "fuck you".

Sheesh.

He hasn't thought this through, anyway. What does he expect you to tell DS? What is he going to tell DD? "Daddy, why isn't DS coming to see you too?" "Oh, it's because I don't love him, I just love you." ??? And is she really going to believe then that his love is unconditional and he will love her for always? How can she ever trust him again? What does he think you are going to tell your parents? His parents? Everyone else in the town where you live? How is everyone going to get on together with the Elephant in the room?

It's one thing to have unresolved grief (as a lot of men do, I think) And another to struggle with the logistics of how some SN can restrict what the family do (as many of us do) and yet another to withdraw as a way of protecting yourself (I think all men do this from any difficult situation) All of those are normal, though a pita. To solve the problem by deleting the "problem" offspring from your world, but expecting all the easy bits to go on as normal - no, not normal, not acceptable. And not workable.

How sad for you and your Children

Im another who would say both or none,