not sure on this one following another thread kind of

[bubblagirl]

as you all know my ds has ASD ive been following the disabled toilet thread and cant work out my ds is able bodies and could possibly try and wait for the toilet we have never used disabled toilet as sainsbury's has the children changing room with toilet plus disabled toilet separate

we usually use the childrens room as its quieter

but my question a shis able bodies if no childrens room available and if loos were really busy and noisy he hates hand dryers and this really affects him could we use disabled toilet or as his able bodied would this be wrong

i have made him use normal toilets but its so upsetting for him he has hands clamped over ears etc crying people tend to stare then which upsets him

just wandered really if we were to walk out of disabled toilet and disabled person was there would we look out of order or should we be ok to use them?

as i say so far we havent but some days it can be bad and we have to leave the toilets until it clears out before we can go back in just wandered because i guess if we walk out we could be had a go at by disabled person as ds looks able bodied obviously

just got me thinking thats all xx

for me there is a distinct difference between having a disability and being able bodied.

but then, if I saw you and your ds come out of the disabled loo would i assume that you had a healthy child just could not be bothered to wait? Possibly i would, a few 'upstanding' members of society ruined that one for you

So I feel absolutely sure that you have every right to use the disabled loo, but i worry with you that the response you would get might make matters worse!

Bubbla, you have every right to use the disabled toilet. Just because you don't "conform" to other peoples image of how a person should look that uses them, doesn't mean you shouldn't.

You don't have to justify to anyone why you need to use them.

thats what i was thinking as i never take him in the disabled toilets we usually have to handle toilets if busy he holds his ears i do the rest for him but it of course distresses him and to wait until toilets clear out before we go in can take along time and he may wee himself

so far never used them but one day we may get caught short and wandered if or what the response could be if we did use them his classed as having disability considering his affected socially and sensitivity to sound wandered whether this would be enough to warrant using disabled toilet if urgently needed to

well as i say we havent as yet but yes we will probably be had a go at if we did etc his needs are not technically as urgent as other disabled peoples so maybe some ear protectors are needed for when we enter loos so we dont find ourselves in that predicament

i only was wandering as autism is classed as the invisible disability so wandered where we would stand i never really know

I would say you have every right, imho asd is a disability as to me disabled means less able and my son is less able to cope in normal toilets also. So we will use them if necessary and if anyone else wants to comment well let them because and the end of the day my sons wellbeing is what counts. I honestly dont care what people say now.

imo disabled doesn't just mean wheelcahir, so your son should be able to use a disabled toilet.

to be honest since have child with sn .I would fully understand why a sn might not be obvious and would not bother me at all ds does the scream thing at dryers to

You are bound to get evil looks from little old ladies in wheelchairs. But, tbh, that's life with a disabled child. I get those looks coming out of the disabled loo carrying/dragging/wheeling DD2 (depending on circumstance, but she's clearly not walking unaided) because as far as old people are concerned, there are only two grades of disability - old people and "should be in an institution, it's shameful". So as far as they are concerned nobody under the age of 65 should ever be in there. Not an opinion I pay much attention to.

Disabled parking is about mobility, tightly controlled and pretty well defined. The law about disabled loos is much vaguer and anyway doesn't really stop non-disabled people using them. I think most disabled people, if they understood the nature of your son's disability, would agree he needs to use the disabled loos. Most shops will be fine with it if you have either a DLA letter or something similar with his diagnosis. That covers everyone important. You will get evil looks from old people, but as I say that isn't likely to stop till he draws his pension.

isn't it a shame we can't have a small card that we could flash at the people who don't get it. I have dd's wheelchair so very obvious, but I do feel for people who don't have anything visible iynwim

You have every right to use the disabled toilet. I have just been told by my local diability reg woman to get one of these and if you receive dla you only have to pay £3.50. I t is well worth doing, just remember your child has a disability, even if not everyone can see it.
Old people are a nightmare I get them coming up to me saying things like don't you talk english in you house, ds2 is none verbal but very vocal.

I use the disabled toilets for dd if she needs it. She has sn - but again not obviously so. I don't apologise for it and if anyone 'looks' at me, I stare right back. If they ask me or say something then I can explain.
Doesn't bother me though. I have developed the skin of a rhino...

You can get higher rate mobility even if you can run like the wind (ds1 does) because he has a) a severe mental impairment b) challenging behaviour and c) receives higher rate care DLA.

I take ds1 into the disabled loo if I can, if not I take him into the ladies. Now he's 10 I can get tutted at either way. But he's nowhere near capable of going into the gents himself so people will have to carry on tutting!

ive never heard of that key scheme before that could be very handy indeed

well its good to know others in same situation as me see it right to use the disabled toilets luckily as ive said i havent had to but some occasions he cant wait long enough and changing room with toilet is in use ladies toilets are very noisy and busy his 4 next sunday so will not send alone into mens toilets

i just never felt right going in disabled toilets but if poor mite cant hold it i wont feel so bad if we do need to use them now

DS4 has difficulties with the hand driers too, I have to go in first and check out if its 'ok'. Unfortunately if the hand driers go off while hes in there, he screams and panics with his hands over his ears and gets extremely distressed. We usually end up in the disabled if the ladies are busy and the hand driers are on.

I heard a brilliant tip on here - one lady used to carry her own 'out of order' sign with her. She used to nip in first, turn off the driers stick the sign on with blu-tac and then take her son in. It didnt hurt anyone, and if they saw her remove her sign she just smiled politely.

i think i may use that lol my ds does the same i have to rush him out of the toilets once done does seem weird to others me bundling him out but he gets so upset

I take some of my mindees (am I allowed to use that term? seems better than client) to the disabled toilet if appropriate to their needs. If they can use the toilet unaided then I take them to the gents. However if they are in nappies then I will use the disabled toilet for the space needed to change them and to protect their dignity.

While we're on the subject of toilets - my ds (ASD)is nearly 9 and generally if we are out and about I make him come in the ladies toilet with me (unless DH is with us of course). He doesn't have too much issue with waiting/dryers etc but would run-off or probably stick his hands down the toilet or something if left to go in gents on his own. Do you think it is ok to still take him in the ladies with me - we do get some looks but I don't care about that.

another lady who posted on here has 10 yr old who she will take in ladies

im not sure i would ever be able to trust my ds on his own and would probably always have to take him in the ladies i dont see a problem at all its not like we have much choice to let them go off on there own anyway

Seuss, I take ds1 (nearly 10) into the ladies sometimes. He's never going to be able to go into a public toilet himself and can't really queue (something which hadn't quite dawned on some of the posters on the the other thread).

I have sensory issues with the echoing noise in big public loos, and the overwhelming smells, and totally agree about the scary hand dryers: The first time I had to use one of those AirBlade things I nearly panicked myself into a shutdown. Then there's the "oh heck, how does the flush work?" challenge. Some are push, some you wave at it, some sense when you've stood up - urk. And then there's the 'how do you operate the basins' nightmare. Boiling hot water, freezing cold water, water that gushes out, taps that don't turn on, or off.
Wet surfaces, germs, muck, paper being left where it shouldn't be...and my brain just won't shut any of it off. It all adds up, and up, and up, until I'm totally overwhelmed.

I'm surprised any of us with an ASD have the courage to use public loos at all. At least in the accessible one I can handle things at my own speed and it's quieter, plus with arthritis I can use the grab bars.

I do carry an autism alert card. It stuns people into silence.

Sometimes I wish the international sign for 'disability' wasn't just a wheelchair. It really is just a tiny fraction of all possible disabilities, but people imagine it really does mean 'wheelchair users only'.

We had this discussion at my son's school - should he use the disabled loo or the others? Staff thought he should not use the disabled loo because he is not physically challenged but I argued that he should use whatever is most convenient - he doesn't have sensory issues but there were privacy issues as he needed an adult in with him, it seemed daft to squeeze them into a little cublicle. Plus, as you say, saintlydamemrsturnip, waiting isn't always an option. To be fair, I think that they were worried about 'labelling' him unnecessarily.
Any other disabled person waiting would definitely be understanding if you offered a quick explanation and as for anyone else, who cares?!