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Original poster

AIBU to hate the word choice

28 replies

2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 11/04/2009 12:52

I am fed up that this word is used so much(yes a fred about a fred, but I haven't given up in norm land) I get so angry when told that I had a choice.
so what choice, your baby is born disabled...what choice, oh I suppose you could do a JH, but surely that isn't a choice.

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5intheEgg · 11/04/2009 14:11

I hate the term "I don't know how you do it"

Really annoys me when friends say this to me when I have DS3 crying in his pram and DS2 running around like a maniac.

Its not as if I have a choice is it!

(BTW, whats a JH?)

HelensMelons · 11/04/2009 14:56

Ditto

My choice would be to run away at times, or tell people to f* off.

I also hate the "I don't know how you do it" - because, again, there is no choice or because people aren't exactly queuing up to help.

Sorry, rant over. Doing a homework and IT'S MAKING ME CROSS!

PheasantPlucker · 11/04/2009 15:03

Well I suppose there is the JH 'choice'....

But in reality we have no other choice than to get on with life, and to do all we can to make our dc's lives as wonderful and happy as we can, to ensure they always know they are loved and valued for themselves and to help them fulfill their potential. (My apologies if that sounds trite or sickly sentimental, it isn't meant to sound anything other than truthful)

And I feel happy in that role, hard as life can be at times, and I am so very proud of (both) my girls.

(JH = Julia Hollander, author of When the Bough Breaks or whatever that book was called.)

sarah293 · 11/04/2009 15:50

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5intheEgg · 11/04/2009 16:07

Wow!!! I've just read an article writtenby JH about why she gave her baby away, and I cannot bring myself to descibe in words how she has made me feel!

The Foster woman OTOH sounds like a bloody fantastic woman!

Original poster
2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 11/04/2009 16:41

riven can I hold them whilst you shout?

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sarah293 · 11/04/2009 16:44

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PheasantPlucker · 11/04/2009 16:44

Not wanting to open up the old arguments, but I hated the JH way of thinking she was a victim, had no choice but to dump her baby, because a baby with a disability just didn't fit in with her life as an opera director, or whatever it was she did.... really what else could she do, poor put upon lady......? Oh fuck off.

I had a v prem baby who sustained a brain haemorrhage that gave her CP, hydrocephalus, epilepsy, learning dificulties, VI and ADHD. And I love her. And I sat by her incubator for months willing her to live. Knowing she would have SN but not to what extent.

We, like other people we have met then and since, get on with it all because we have to. In the same way most other people would in our shoes. I am not special. I am very ordinary.

sarah293 · 11/04/2009 16:48

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PheasantPlucker · 11/04/2009 16:57

Thanks Riven.

I hope C is getting on OK with the keto diet btw.

PheasantPlucker · 11/04/2009 16:58

PS triple daring 2Shoes...... Gwan!

sarah293 · 11/04/2009 17:00

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madwomanintheattic · 11/04/2009 17:01

haven't been on the other thread. gave up reading about two days ago but lurked until that point. kept typing but not posting, so not looking any more, note it is still going strong.

choice. hemm. dd2 was another one that got broken at/ by birth, so the JH option was the only one we had. at the time we were more worried whether she was going to die or not than whether to pop home and resume our lives. it just genuinely didn't occur to us lol. but then i'm not married to wotsisname, fortunately.

they seem to be doing well enough without each other, so i think in reality jh made the right decision for her and her daughter, which is why i guess she felt she had a choice, and it didn't occur to us...

sarah293 · 11/04/2009 17:07

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laumiere · 11/04/2009 17:18

Our DS was bon 9w early (now dx with CP and possible learning disabilities) and it never occurred to us to do anything other than take him home.

In fact the hospital did a DS test (without our permission) on DS1 in the SCBU because he inherited my slanted eyes and epicanthic folds (I'm white British) and then sat us down before the tests were back (curtains pulled round the cubicle, hushed voices, the works) and said they 'suspected DS! had DS. I absolutely screeched at them 'So?!' I honestly thought they were going to tell us he was going to die! DS didn't worry me, losing DS1 did.

Original poster
2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 11/04/2009 17:26

triple dare, I had no choice

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sarah293 · 11/04/2009 17:33

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Original poster
2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 11/04/2009 17:34

I blame you

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sarah293 · 11/04/2009 17:37

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Original poster
2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 11/04/2009 17:40

lol
ds is jealous of his mate, she has one of those all singing all dancing onces, it goes up kebs, the seat gets higher so she can reach things, he wants dd to have one(he is 17 so hope he doesn't nick it)

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sarah293 · 11/04/2009 17:45

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sarah293 · 11/04/2009 17:47

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Original poster
2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 11/04/2009 18:04

oh we are being norty
so what next
people who think dd is a baby and treat her like one??

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sarah293 · 11/04/2009 18:15

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Original poster
2shoestrodonalltheeggs · 11/04/2009 21:39

now look what you lot done

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