Why dont people understand - im beginning to think its just me!!!

[mummytopebs]

DD 4 is very contorlled by rituals her biggest bein having a poo she has to be in a pull up stood on a yellow box in her bedroom with her little figures round her. Well she hadnt been a poo for 5 days and i noticed today her friend who had been round playing on saturday had moved her figures into her toy box, and this is why she hadnt been for a poo. Needless to say i put the figures out and she has been 2 huge poo's - poor thing has been in agony.

Am just pissed off that people ie mam all have an opinion you should just put her on the toilet and make her sit there till shes done!! i am giving into her pandering to her!! Do they not think i have tried everything, she is absolutly petrified to poo unless she has the above

Am i doing the right thing? Feel as if no one understands - help x

Oh honey I am sorry. I don't think anyone knows a child like their mother. You know exactly what your little girl needs and you are there for her whatever. She is still very young and only you know what you have tried and what she has been through.

People will always have opinions, however, if you have a child that has needs then they need to trust that you are doing your best for your child and they should respect that.

Sorry you are being made to feel so low, hopefully someone will come along who understands and has experience and can help and empathise. x

if she needs to do these things to pooh, let her, imo it is more inportant that she poohs than what other people think(can you tell that dd suffers from constipation)

They know dd suffers from chronic constipation and is on laxatives for it, and they know she is query aspergers but still make me feel like i am doing sommet wrong

mtp, I don't have any easy answers, sometimes it helps to let these things toughen you up - other times a good rant can help.

my ds who will be 5 soon, started potty training last year, it wasn't easy, but he got the hang of peeing 6 months before he managed to poo in the potty, he was on senna and lactulose (he hated pooing, it was a nightmare)... nothing we did helped really, except NOT hassling him, giving him lots of encouragement and slowly he managed to poo regularly, then something must have clicked and he agreed to try the potty - I thought he would never learn, so don't give up hope!

you know best, other people might be insensitive, but because they see you are stressed about it(?), and are trying in their own misguided way to help... let people know you know what you are doing, and that the gentle, slow approach is the way to go, also tell them how unhelpful you find their advice if they really piss you off!

good luck btw, I remember thinking it would never end and the whole poo thing ruled my life!

Thanks for that Aefondkiss it is nice to know you have got there - in the end. Can i ask how your ds was on a night time, my dd is fully wee trained during the day but still has a pull up at night - think again this is more of a comfort thing

I am past stressing about it now i am very calm with her and am letting nher do it in her own time, when people try and pressure her about it now i tell them to stop

Has your ds got any other problems? I am not sure if this a problem stemmed from chronic constipation or a psychological aspergers thing

my ds was mostly dry at night before we tried potty training (though I kept him in pull ups at night for poo and just in case), he even went 23hrs without doing a pee, because we had gone camping and he refused to pee outside (no nearby loo) .....but some children, not just asd children, do take longer to night train, I would wait until your dd gets the hang of day time routine before worrying about night time.

Ds had no bowel problems, until last year, he suddenly decided to stop pooing - it seemed to be a control/fear thing, but `I don't know what triggered it - even with senna and lactulose he would go 3-5 days without doing a poo. Doctors told me it was normal, not just an asd thing, but that it might be worse because of the asd traits/ language delay.

It got to the point where ds could be in a lot of pain, crying when he did a poo, I just had to sit with him, hold him and cuddle him (not pleasant!!!), he also seemed to prefer standing up to poo - maybe because that is how he always had done with his nappy? which probably didn't help with the potty training.

your not giving in to pandering her, sometimes due to psy issues or conditions or just personal preference

kids wont do something they dont want to do
forcing the issue by puttign tem on toilets and such can have the opposite efect
for now let it be it will probobly change with time if not, then issues can be addressed which the child is older and more responsive

Hi Mummytp

You know your dd better than anyone and you know what she needs - and if she needs her yellow box and her figures round her - so what?! We only got rid of the potty for my DD (nt) at christmas time (she's 6).

However DS2 (ASD) has constipation and it can be a case of trial and error with him (poo on the light switch yesterday pm, lovely!)

My family, can at times, make swift judgements but they aren't there to take on boards all the behaviours and rituals involved with DS2 and I'm not going to moan and groan at them 24/7 - hence the swift judgements/nonsense talk/shite talk - sometimes I challenge it, sometimes I keep my mouth shut and seeth, sometimes I just ignore it. It's a sensitive subject with me at the mo, I'm afraid.

However, good luck with DD4, I think you are being a great mummy!

Hi mummytopebs

My hubby came up with a good phrase, members of family just see the kodack moments, they see what they want to see and don't see the way we divert the meltdowns when they are around.

Im like you Helensmelons, my lips are blue by the time they go from all the lip biting and seething.

I would say anything for an easy life and if that's what it take for your little peb to go then so be it, they don't have the meltodowns to deal with at the end of the day. Im sure if they did they would do the same.

I am getting used to biting my lip definitly. She is having a meltdown upstairs now because she cant get a t shirt on her doll, she finds it really difficult to dress and undress her toys - i am trying not to go up and help her because i want her to have a go before i step in. Helens melons she is nott dd number 4 she is 4 years old - good god i couldnt cope with 4 children!!!