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SN children

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Original poster

Just asked ds1 (9) why he poos in his pants instead of going to the toilet...

17 replies

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 08/04/2009 20:17

he doesn't know but it doesn't matter cos there's no school tomorrow.

I am so tired of pants full of shit, of my son smelling of shit, of scooping shit out of my washing machine, of buying pants only to have them thrown out after one wash!

Trying to get him to tell me WHY, WHY does he do it and he looked totally baffled at me and says he likes to be late.

If anyone has any bloody tips, I will sign my soul over to you!

OP posts:

Nat1H · 08/04/2009 20:22

My son does this as well, but as far as I know, doesn't have any special needs. (although I suspect something).
We have to remind him every morning to go to the toilet. Some days he will lie and tell us he has been, but it generally works.
Sorry i can't be much more help.
Good luck!

twoisplenty · 08/04/2009 20:24

I wrote a similar thread today, about my ds (also 9 but 10 very soon) about his toileting issues. I am also completely fed up about the same things as you. Also worried that this will never be resolved, and we'll still be in this situation when he's an adult. My ds has more problems with bothering to do for wees, but staying clean can also be a problem sometimes.

I feel like screaming. He can't talk, so there's no explanation coming...

I really hope for the both of us that there is a magic cure...

I've tried star charts, masses of praise, getting cross, saing nothing at all...

Someone get us a magic wand!

Original poster

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 08/04/2009 20:32

Thanks Nat. I remind ds, but he'll just say he doesn't need to, then comes the smell...

two - we can scream together nothing works with ds either. ds2 isn't so bad, he will go in his pants if he does not want to stop what he is doing, or is engrossed, but it is now and again.

with ds1 it is every bloody time. I've tried lactalose, and all the stuff you've tried. I don't know, it seems he just is happy to let it come out. and yet - he hides his pants and says "don't look don't look" and things that indicate he is ashamed of it, so surely that means it is not something he is choosing to do?

OP posts:

sphil · 08/04/2009 23:23

Can I ask you two - have your DSes always done this since being out of nappies? DS2 is 6 and progressing very well with toilet training for wees but he absolutely refuses to go near a loo when he's doing a poo, tells me he hasn't done one when he has and shouts NO NO very loudly when we suggest that poo goes in the toilet. I'm fairly philosophical about it atm because I assumed it was a phase - but I guess from your posts it might not be?

Pixel · 09/04/2009 00:24

Ds is almost 9 and he's the same. He will use the toilet so he's not bothered about that but he won't wipe his bottom so gets pooey pants that way and sometimes he just goes in his pants and seems totally unaware of it, until I notice the pong and march him upstairs. He can't speak so can't explain why either.

When I saw your thread title I was hoping your ds had given you a brilliant answer that explained all .

wraith · 09/04/2009 01:13

honestly, hecate, the only advice i can give is try nappys pullups again at least that cuts down the cleaning, if hes not bothered about it hes not likly just to change his mind spur of th moment, if he does change his mind GREAT but if not well, contray to popular belief some kids/people just dont want to use the toilet.
orceing them will only argravae the situation and cause mistrust on both sides turnng hat could be a phase into something else.

good luck to all of you with kids with this issue, its not an easy one

cyberseraphim · 09/04/2009 08:39

We are 90 % of the way there - admittedly with a lot of watching and prompting but yes the 10% failure rate is frustrating ! I don't think we can go back to pullups as we are too far on so I think only time and constant re inforcement can help.

Original poster

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 09/04/2009 09:54

Wraith - He wore nappies until he was about 6. He wouldn't agree to go back into them at this point, I know he'd feel humiliated. We used to get nappies delivered from the - incontinence service? something like that.

Pixel - ds won't wipe either! He 'dabs' at himself, but he stinks! and then you have to go and help him. What makes it all so hard is he's so sensitive about it, poor lad. I worry so much about school - I don't want him to be the smelly boy! Esp as he's growing up now and next sept will be at secondary. I know he's got full time 1:1 and they'll help if he has a toilet problem, but even so, it's yet another thing that makes him different.

sphil - ds1 has mostly been like this. We've had periods where there's been no mess and we've rejoiced! Thinking he's cracked it - then it starts up again!

However, ds2 came out of nappies just about the same time ds1 did (2005!!) aged 5, and he doesn't have the same problem! Like I say, his problem is occasional, 'can't be bothered to move right now' rather than constant 'can't seem to help it'.

OP posts:

twoisplenty · 09/04/2009 14:54

sphil - I wish it was a phase. He came out of nappies at 4yo, and has gone for weeks being dry, then weeks being awful. Sometimes he feels bad about it, looking solemn, but other times it doesn't even seem to register he has done anything wrong.

Seeing as he goes for weeks being ok, there is still hope. I'm still wondering about his epilepsy having an effect on all this. If he has constant background extra electrical activity going on, it must make him feel "foggy" sometimes? Going to see the paed at the end of the month, so I shall see.

sickofsocalledexperts · 09/04/2009 15:09

I think if they know they are doing it, and have an element of control, you have to make doing a poo in their pants in some way aversive. At the moment, it sounds like he is not bothered and the only one suffering is you. If it becomes a pain for him to do it in his ants, he may change his own habits. Why not make him have a full shower and wash the pants out himself in the sink every single time - no exceptions. Otherwise he is using you like a nappy cleaner, and in the teenage years kids can be cruel enough without having this hanging over him. I know not everyone agrees, but I think cruel to be kind is the phrase that springs to mind for this situation. I had a pal (not me) who gave her autistic son a cold shower every time he pooed himself. After just ONE WEEKEND he was toilet trained. That's true, not an urban myth. Please don't flame me if you don't agree, I am just trying to help.

Original poster

HecAteTheEasterBunny · 09/04/2009 15:37

I wouldn't dream of flaming you. I wouldn't give my son cold showers! but I wouldn't flame you for telling me what your mate did.

OP posts:

mumslife · 09/04/2009 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wraith · 09/04/2009 17:23

hectate.

i understand what you mean and yea, haing got out of em late then being told to go back in , would probobly make him eel bad,

but there has to be a point where enough is enough
his choice is causeing you more work, your other sons choice o poor wiping risks making him a scocial outcast for lack of a better term

the wiping issue is slightly easier to deal with
have you tried having him use moistened wipes
he might get more clean that away,

but as to your 2nd pot about him saying dont look dont look,
it might not be him being ashamed but fearful of you being mad,

if he cant help it, then hiding it to avoid trouble is a 'reasonable' thing to do, if hes doign it by choice then again he may not want to get in trouble or his decision.

how often doe it happen daily every couple of days .
if its very frequen the your spending a fortuane on laundry and replacment cloths
speak with your sons
try to find out if its by choice he cant help it

if its the latter accept that and try to convince him to use something to make it easier or make him ash the next load (under your super vision) let him see how muh work it is how smelly and unpleasent it is he may recondiser either pads or not doing it.

otherwise well i know where you can buy laundry detergent in bulk

HelensMelons · 09/04/2009 20:14

I was hoping for some magic answer as well!

DS2 (8) has suffered from constipation so we do get overflow (sorry) but when he gets the sensation he needs to go he will pick his bum - we get a dirty finger and a little smearing at times but he also can have a right mess in his pants. This does drive me nuts at times because he smells.

He obviously doesn't find the sensation or smell of poo unpleasant and I do think he looks upon it as paint.

I was also at autism awareness training today and this subject came up and the facilitator told a story about a young fella with an asd who smeared a lot and when questioned about it, the young person said that it was something that he produced, he liked the feeling of producing something himself and he didn't want that feeling to go away.

I'm sorry that I don't have any tips; I am vigilant and persistent in getting him to use the loo but we still have a mess at times.

trockodile · 09/04/2009 21:29

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/553228-please-help-me-with-my-seemingly-incontinent-8-year-old-this thread is interesting and may help some of you.

HelensMelons · 10/04/2009 20:05

thanks trockodile, some of those links are helpful, particulary the leaflet for kids themselves.

Sassor · 10/04/2009 20:48

My son became fully toilet trained at the age of 6 after we started him on the GAPS diet. Read "Gut and psychology syndrome" by Natasha Campbell-McBride. It's the best book you'll ever read on autism.

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