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Original poster

Would/could a child with mild Aspergers show more pronounced symptoms at puberty?

40 replies

SuziSeis · 06/04/2009 21:32

We have a lovely popular boy who we have privately thought was mild Aspergers for many years

Recently we have noticed some of the 'symptoms' becoming much more pronounced and impacting more on his life and relationships with peers and family

It is causing upset to the point where dh and I are wondering if a diagnosis would /could help us cope and stop nagging him about things that he maybe cannot help....

Any advice from those who know about this?

I could go into more detail but once i start i wont stop

We do not know what to do for the best

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Original poster
SuziSeis · 07/04/2009 22:01

dont know whether to laugh or cry!

will look at some books....

Is it like ...he does not know how to even 'pretend' to care iikwim???

even if my eldest son did not really care about his hoody - he would instinctively know that he should care... scrub that - he probably would care ....

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troutpout · 07/04/2009 22:15

lol...yes they are brutally honest...none of these social niceties for them.

Hope you find some good books..

Ds has found the Kenneth Hall book (Freaks,Geeks)useful ( i still don't like the title though...). I have found the Brenda Boyd book (Parenting a child with Aspergers syndrome) quite helpful. The Tony Attwood one is good for initial understanding. We all like 'All cats have asperger sydrome'
I also got leaflets from cahms which he found useful .

He will be alright...your boy ...he is lucky to have you in his corner

Original poster
SuziSeis · 07/04/2009 22:23

troutpout thanks so much for that

I was ordering as you posted and had ordered the Brenda Boyd one which i am pleased about

also ordered this one which had good reviews

found myself uttering 'J*s' out loud whilst perusing the books... i am scared of all this

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Original poster
SuziSeis · 07/04/2009 22:25

! put three * * * in between the J and the S but good ole mumsnet just did one bold one! Cant even utter asterisked expletives!!!

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Blossomhill · 07/04/2009 23:48

Can I just say I was in your position 3 years ago and the not knowing for me was definitely scarier. Once I know that dd definitely had AS I could move on. Dd hasn't changed but I have, for the better. I understand her so much more now.
It has been said many times on here before that a dx is merely a sign post to enable your child to access the help they need and I truly believe for us as a family it has certainly done that. Before I had a firm dx I almost felt in limbo not fitting in with support groups etc but now I can actually say the word Aspergers out loud and talk to people in the same position I am in and that has helped massively! If your ds doesn't have AS they will not dx as it is done under an extremely tight criteria. Good luck it's not easy but all I can say is for us a dx has been a positive thing and I was very scared too.

Blossomhill · 07/04/2009 23:50

Oh and sorry should add my dd at 9 is going through puberty and her AS has definitely become more pronounced

Original poster
SuziSeis · 07/04/2009 23:58

thankyou so much for that!

I do wonder how i will feel if i embark on this and he is not ....but thats as maybe!

I feel so passionate about it.......that everything seems to click

we have decided to have a little 'chat' over the next few days

Thanks all will let you know

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sarah293 · 08/04/2009 09:49

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amber32002 · 08/04/2009 10:02

Yup, we can get more noticeably ASD at various points in our lives and puberty is a common one. Being taught why it is important to show caring and why we have to wash dirty dishes somehow is vital. But we often need a cunning plan and lots of patience from people as we get a lot of basic observation wrong. Frustrating for those around us.

Original poster
SuziSeis · 08/04/2009 14:58

thankyou both....

just wish at the moment he would learn to close his mouth when having a 'set to' when i say ' T please stop it now T please dont - now T please' I could go on

he seems in capable of knowing that i mean what i am saying until i am close to exploding

my other teens would not have done this!

I just had to ask him to go out... Is this sort of thing normal

he does not respond to discipline - previously i have laughed at it - now i am losing my soh!

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Original poster
SuziSeis · 08/04/2009 15:04

just to add that after that little set -to he has reappeared

i fel like c@@@ but he is laughing with his sister - just dont think he 'gets it' which might not be all bad

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rummum · 08/04/2009 18:21

I would definately say get a diagnosis, as people have said on here, it will help you and others understand him..

my DD is nearly 13 and has aspergers tendencies..

Blossomhill · 08/04/2009 19:52

hi rummum not seen you about in ages. how's your dd doing? can't believe she is 13!

rumdontbotherreplyingmum · 08/04/2009 20:06

quick hijack... Hi

I have recently emailed CAMHS to do a Teen parenting course... I'm finding it hard to see what is AS and what are hormones

DD has settled in at secondary school... have parents evening after easter hols so will have a better idea of how she's getting on then

she has a boyfriend... he gave her a dozen red roses for valentines day... guess what she got him..
you've probably guessed it...

Nothing... didn't occur to her..
have a feeling she's going to break afew hearts.

she never initiates conversation... started her periods and didn't bother to tell me!
went to the dentist yesterday and she told him her brace had broke... didn't think mention it to me.. I always offer her paracetomol (sp) after she's been to the dentist as if it hurts she doesn't mention it just goes quiet... I could go on... and on and on and on

have started a thread in parenting about house rules... maybe you could help me out and add a few of yours..

hows your family doing...

Original poster
SuziSeis · 08/04/2009 21:30

hello rum mum and blossomhill

today has been quite a day!

Anyway to cut a long and dull story short - after yet another scene I sat ds down and said we needed to chat i was very guarded and careful with what I said and tried to err on the positive side of the syndrome or 'personality type ' as i started to word it...

ds seemed fine and he did a quick test the simon baron cohen one ...

I sid we might nip to gp just to get advice and he said ' i feel bettter knowing that there might be a reason i feel different'

which i thought was a bit hasty...then we tried to normailse things and brush over things a bit ( with the other dcs in abundance now) and he came up to me and said ( all eager) 'will we be going to the doctors tomorrow then?' ( typical him starting to slightly obsess already)

I feel better having talked about it as it felt wrong not voicing what we were thinking in private

I dont know what will be - but am thinking that by reading up i can teach 'myself' to be more understanding instead of winding myself up into a head banging rage - which is what i have been doing.

Obviously I cannot change T but i can help us all live together more 'smoothly'

Can I ? hope i am not deluding myself!

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