I am shaking with FURY and feel sick and angry and just so flippin ANGRY

[hereidrawtheline]

I have had such a shit day involving meltdowns and finding a fucking ant colony in my dishwasher I dont know how that happened its on twice a day but there you go I opened it after it being run and it was swarming.

While I was putting DS to bed for nap the phone rang and I didnt answer it. I checked the message when I left his room and it was a message left by this woman who has been coming round to play with him to assess if he needs help in that area BUT THE MESSAGE WAS INTENDED FOR MY HEALTH VISITOR she had obviously dialled my number by mistake and left the message accordingly.

So I find out QUITE BY ACCIDENT that this woman is (on my HV's request) emailing her a report she has written about DS for the HV's records and to be passed on to peadiatrician. I NEVER gave permission for that and I clearly wasnt even going to be consulted the report was already written she was phoning HV up to get her email address. This woman in question has promised me everything she does is transparent and that no information will ever go from her to anyone else without my prior permission and involvement, that she was only here to play with DS. She was a fucking spy in the camp thats what she was.

AND I also found out yesterday from DS's key worker at preschool that same HV has asked her for a report too! Nice! Funny this is the HV I have met once, and who I havent spoken to in months, and last I heard from her she was no longer involved as it was all in the peadiatricians arena now.

What do I do? I am so fucking angry these people going behind my back writing reports they have said they wont write and passing them on to a woman I do not trust and dont know.

Do you feel that is inaccurate, HIDTL? Do you feel that he needs a lot of help, or do you feel that if things are within his structure, he only needs a little help?

I ask because if he falls in the High Functioning category, it would make sense that he doesn't need a lot of actual help, but that his environment needs to be one he can cope with. In other words, in the right settings, he can function really well, which sounds like it fits with the experiences you are having at home - he is a bright, affectionate little boy until you get something 'wrong', in his eyes, when it all goes pear-shaped. As long as everything is exactly as he feels it should be, he is ok?

oh lou I could kiss you. Your understanding is the very truth.

I am thoroughly confused and shit scared and well confused. A couple of months ago I would have said he needed a lot of help as life was becoming a living hell for us. Now we seem to have a lot of exaggerated "terrible twos/threes" and a lot of sensory issues and a hell of a lot of dependency on everyone around him to do everything for him. We do still have meltdowns, had a lovely one today. At the moment they are usually being triggered if we stop constantly entertaining him or playing with him for a break or something.

The sensory stuff is still very much there.

I think the thing no one has really fully "got" is his emotional insecurity. The way he seems to have the weight of the world on his shoulders sometimes and very scared or worried about things.

The last several weeks I would say as long as he gets what he wants in most things we are fine but when you cross him it can be very very difficult.

Don't be scared . This is just a step towards identifying what needs your DS DOES have, so that he can have help that meets those needs.

A report saying that he only needs a little help does not take away the day to day difficulties you experience, or make them any less of a 'problem' for you. All it is saying is that he is a capable boy. So that will highlight that his needs are to do with his experiences rather than his learning, for example. This means that his preschool will be able to work on things that help him cope better with the unpredictabilities that come.

For example, DD is very different, and without full 1:1 she just wanders around like a cloud, or gets hyperstimulated and goes wild causing herself injuries.

One thing that they have found amazing is a sand timer which runs for 5 minutes. They use it to encourage DD to stick with an activity for that time, and it is very visual so she knows exactly what she needs to do.

I wonder if that sort of thing might help with your DS? Perhaps a visual timer to encourage him to do something on his own, so you set up an activity he wants to do, and then set the timer or turn the sand timer or whatever, and your DS has to spend that time carrying on with the activity on his own? Start small and build up.

I do want a sand timer and was looking to buy a couple a while ago but I got overwhelmed by the amount of choice there was, I couldnt decide on one, and at the moment I am too broke to buy one anyway. But I do know I need one and will get one ASAP.

Did I say his appointment has been moved up from 22 April to 8 April??? Means it is next Wednesday! I cant wait, am nervous and dreading it!

That's great, HIDTL.

Sorry if I've missed the post but just bumping to see how the appointment went.