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Anxious going into shops - coping tips please!

15 replies

Barmymummy · 28/03/2009 22:22

I have posted on a different thread about my DS who is doing alot of echolalia and receieved loads of wonderful advice but I have a different question so have posted it seperately.

He is 3.10 and shows signs that he is either ASD or SPD, not sure which/or both but we are awaiting an appt with the hosp to get the ball rolling.

Anyway, alot of his behaviour is quite mild and I can cope very well with it BUT the one thing that causes the most distress is his anxiety going into busy shops and new situations. School is going to be an absolute nightmare as whilst I am sure he will go in OK with me, when I go to leave he is going to lose the plot! Anyway, I digress!!

When we go to our regular sainsburys he is fine as long as it is fairly quiet. He is happy to sit in the trolley or walk round and help put all the shopping in the trolley. However, when we went yesterday it was busy, very busy. I couldn't even get him in through the front doors. Cue jumping up and down and hand flapping, which I have to say is a rare occurance but can occur when very nervous.

Does anyone have any coping skills I can teach him or give me some hints how I can make it less stressful for him or is it simply a case of waiting to be seen. It breaks my heart to see him falling apart over something which to the rest of us seems so silly. He really can't queue up either which adds to the fun.... Any help would be great, thanks,xx

OP posts:
5inthebed · 28/03/2009 22:34

I have the very same problem with ds2. He is a nightmare to get into a trolley, let alone walk around a shop with him.

Does he sit in a trolley ok? The best thing I can suggest is to sit him in a trolley and either take a book that makes noises with you, or pick one up as you go into the shop. Most big supermarkets have the books/magazines as soon as you go into them, so always a bonus. Ds2 focuses on the book more as the noise is within his space iykwim.

Barmymummy · 28/03/2009 22:41

Hiys, yes he sits in the trolley fine when its quiet but then he's fine in general when its quiet. When he was younger (buggy bound) he would scream every time we went into a shop. BUT I could distract him by giving him food. He'd sit there good as gold while he ate it then kick off again as soon as he'd finished. Has been a long time since I've tried distraction....must dig the food out again .

My problem (like today) was buying him a new pair of shoes. He has no issue whatsoever with putting the shoes on or having his feet measured by hand (freaks out going in the machine) but just can't cope with the small shop filled with people. I need him to concentrate on sitting/standing still but also concentrate on what the staff are asking him too iykwim!

Are there any therapies out there that dampen their sensory overload like this?

OP posts:
5inthebed · 28/03/2009 22:45

Not sure on therapies, but what about a pair of sunglasses? Sounds bizarre, but I know a friend of ds2's wears sunglasses when out in shops and social places and she is much better. She also has an umbrella she uses when sitting in her Sn pram and hides under that.I often see her on the bus to school with her sunglasses on, she is very cool!

Barmymummy · 28/03/2009 22:48

Do you know that is sooooo weird. We went in a large sports shop today which had very bright lights. DS kept looking up at them and saying 'too bright' to which I replied "would you like some sunglasses?". Course he didn't answer (too wound up) and I thought no more about it. Will DEFINATELY go buy some tomorrow and see if that helps! Thanks!

OP posts:
electra · 28/03/2009 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Widemouthfrog · 28/03/2009 22:54

My DS will pull a hood right round his head -I think it cuts down some of the noise and his visual field. (a teenage hoody already).I've mentioned ear defenders on your other thread as it cuts down one channel of overload. My DS is fixated on the color red, and when very stressed will carry a little red teddy bear to'look after' him (his words)- does your DS have a favourite object he can carry? A fidget/stress type toy can help. Food can work but only briefly . In a busy shoe shop I try and sit DS with his back to the bustle, and sit right in front of him so that his attention is on me.
Otherwise its a case of trying to go to all these places when they are quiet. Some shoe shops will let you book a time slot so you are not waiting in a busy shop.
In the supermarket I try and find a point of focus - getting him to read the aisle numbers, finding items, especially the things he likes - bananas, and yoghurts usually.
There are still days when it is horrendous though.

Widemouthfrog · 28/03/2009 22:55

My DS likes sunglasses too! And a cap pulled down over his eyes.

Aefondkiss · 28/03/2009 23:06

Hello BM, my ds was like this for a while, tbh, I just stopped taking him to shops when it was busy - if I had no choice I would have dh with me, so we could make a pretty quick exit if my ds got too stressed.

I did start taking him shopping on very quiet days, regularly, once a week, we go into town, visit small shops, stay for a little while, then he chooses a magazine and we go to a cafe.

My ds is in the process of dx, but I think the professionals know he has an ASD, but not sure where he is on the spectrum and they are going for the" wait and see" approach.

Ear defenders might be worth a look, I remember seeing a link for really lovely ear defenders, in nice colours for children, but it escapes me atm, another idea might be for your ds to have an mp3 player so he can escape the sensory overload?

My ds has really improved with time on this, we didn't stop taking him shopping completely, we just learned to pick our battles.

wraith · 29/03/2009 03:32

is it all shops/locations or is it speciic types,

this sounds similar to what i suerered from when i was young.

its likly to be music and scents that are driving him bonkers, too many sensory chanels to process.

try smaller shops to guage his reaction, such as phone shops there realitvy quiet and dark
work out what the limits are and then match them glasses hat and sometimes earphones are a good tool

amber32002 · 29/03/2009 08:02

Something I wrote on another thread:

"Shopping. Not my favourite thing in the world.

Early morning is the best time, as it's quieter for me. I get in the car, armed with a variety of recycled carrier bags, and drive to my local huge supermarket (whose name shall be nameless).

Into the supermarket, and into a wall of noise. Announcements, fridges whirring, people chattering, tills beeping. The smells hit me as well - bakery, fish, meat, veg, fruit, new clothing. And the sights, too: Everything is stacked high with colours, patterns, flashing lights. And there's a cleaning machine somewhere, beeping noisily. I'm rather scared of them, to be honest...Then there's the people. Loads of them. And I probably know loads of them, too, since I've lived here for years, but I can't recognise who they are.

Sometimes people say hello, so I use what I'd call 'standard conversation bits' to get through the situation, e.g. "Oh hello, how are you?" I can't go down the aisle for pasta as there's a flickering light over it, so that's something I'll have to do without this week.

Picking out one choice from hundreds is so hard - I can't see the things fast enough, or concentrate against the background of sensory overload. I tend to get the same things every time. Shopping trolley filled, I go to the checkouts. Which one?? Oh no, more choices...I pick one. The man in front of me has left some things on the end of the conveyor stand...Oh no, what shall I do? Does he want them put onto the conveyer when there's room? Is it rude to move someone else's things? I'm completely transfixed by the problem. Daren't speak to him - haven't planned what to say. Phew...he's moved them. Packing is not something I'm good at, as I can't co-ordinate what I'm doing or go fast. And asking for help is scarier because the person helping always wants to chat to me, and I don't know what they've packed where, and at this stage I am thoroughly 'out of spoons'. I cope, though I wish I'd taken along bags that are all the same shape, as I can't calculate what goes in which one.

Paying: Arrghh! I hate paying. I either drop the money, or put the card in the wrong way. And I have to remember all the social stuff too - the thank yous and the 'no cash back for me thanks' stuff, whilst smiling. The smiling is important. Well, it is for me.

Now to get back to the car. I get to the exit, and the alarm goes off. Someone please just put me out of my misery right now... I've had enough. I want to go home

There are security guards striding towards me, and I suspect the silly checkout person has left the bloomin tag on the bra I've bought. Yup, she has. Security guard wants the receipt. Here we go with another 'amber drops her purse contents everywhere' moment. SO many people now staring at me. I want to hide, or run, but of course you can't do that if you're in a shop with alarms going off as they'd think you were a criminal. It's sorted out. He's a nice security guard. The alarm stops. I'm shaking now. I need to go home, but I've still got to get back to the car, and put the shopping in it, and drive home and unpack it and etc. It takes me a long time to recover from shopping if something unexpected happens.

Apparently some people like shopping. I'm amazed. Next time I see a toddler screaming in the aisles, I'm tempted to join in."

The suggestions for coping tips that have already been given are good ones.

Phoenix4725 · 29/03/2009 08:36

my ds likes to go in the big food shop butonly sat in the trolley and prfereabbly when its quiet .clothes shop we just dont even bother now

wraith · 30/03/2009 00:14

i do my shopping at 10pm for groceries
and while i cant stand unning from shop to shop outside im happy to walkthrough the traford center (and only the trafford center) for hours.

Marne · 30/03/2009 16:37

Dd2 (hfa/asd) is the same, i tend to go shopping without her, if i do take her i put her in the trolly and buy her a magazine to look at on the way round.

5intheEgg · 30/03/2009 17:30

All hail the online shopping king! I don't know what I'd do without online food shopping!

jjones · 30/03/2009 18:42

I know it is not the best answer but I have come to the decision that I should, wherever possible go alone. Ds1 is adhd and runs around like he is doing th 100m sprint and ds2 is asd and doesn't like the lights, noise or people. Or even better online shopping.

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