If you suspected a child was showing signs of autism would you tell their mum?

[MrTumbledoesmyheadin]

Hiya

Im applying for a job as a ABA teacher at aschool for children with autism spectrum disorders. I don't have any experience in this field but im really interested in the oppurtunity so have been studying over the last week.. books the internet etc tryinging to get a better understanding for my interview.

Whilst doing this and looking at symptoms in great detail a little girl my friend looks after kept popping in my head. When I then saw her and was talking about my interview she said oh actually ive been looking up autism on the internet alot too because i was concerned about the girl i look after. I mentioned how that had come into my head too.

Just looking for peoples opinions on
how would you bring this to the mothers attention without upsetting her?

I wouldn't. Chances are the mum has suspicions anyway.

Personally I don't tell people if/when I suspect their child might be on the spectrum, but then I've never been in the position of being a childcare provider.

Does your friend look after the girl in a professional capacity, eg childminder? If so then I suspect that would change things as the relationship is different to knowing a child on a casual favour-for-a-friend basis.

Should clarify that my 2nd paragraph was about whether the friend should say something. I don't know enough about childminding etc to know whether they would be expected to mention a suspected problem.

I would expect a professional childcarer to mention areas of concern - not to say - get her checked out for ASD - or even use the words ASD at all - but to say - speak to GP/HV as I've got concerns about speech/language/behaviour/social skills etc

Yeah she childminds her but they were friends before and still are...

i dont think she would take it well. But then is it fair on the daughter to not ?

In that case I'd go with TC's approach. Your friend should mention that she has some concerns and suggest asking for a referral to rule out any potential problems. Don't mention ASD at all.

It was our daycare provider (registered childminder but provided through SS) that bought it to our attention that she suspected there may be something going on. She's our only child, and to us she was just very demanding and 'quirky' She had the power to make a referal to inclusion support. A good few months down the line now we know much more about it, my daughter is very clearly autistic lol - and we received a dx earlier this year.

Its a dificult one to call. We are truly glad that our daycarer bought it up - and initially she was very sensitive about it (just mentioned there might be a language delay, shall we look into it etc etc) and didn't even mention the spectrum until we then developed our own suspicions. The childminder might not have the power herself to make the referal but i know certainly in my area you as a parent can request a statutory assessment which in our case led to portage. HTH

TC just said it as i was typing

Yeah that is kind of what I thought, obv not turn around and say i think she might have this or that but to highlight some of her behaviour and a slight concern for it

PS - and i'm geniunely sad that Mr Tumble does your head in! Mr Tumble is fab!

sorry i think his show is good his voice just annoys me!

Im glad you got the help you needed! I think to subtley suggest something to her mum could be the right idea!

Thats the key i think. How old is the girl, does she attend nursery/school yet?

shes around 17 months so no. Shes just very distant and quiet she likes to be on her own seems to ignore the other kids and likes to be on her own but doesnt seem to really play with toys much just pick them up and move them about she has been hand flapping and makes strange sounds and isnt really trying to talk. She walked early but never crawled and the sound of the vaccum cleaner really distresses her. She doesnt respond to her name very quickly and doesnt really give eye contact. She also rocks in her cot and bangs against it and apparently wakes early but is happy to stay in her cot for ages until her mum is ready to get up.

There just seems to be a lot of the symptoms I had read and other mums have before mentioned her slightly different behavious.

Her mum possibly has suspicions of her own, but you can't beat early intervention - even if it turns out not to be ASD. As TC said, i would expect a professional childcarer to mention areas of concern.

I didn't have a clue that my DS had Asperger's. I'm not sure I'd have taken kindly to a friend suggesting it, even if they were well-meaning.

When DS was ACTUALLY diagnosed, I took it pretty badly (because I realised it was me they were describing too).

After DS was dx'd and I confided in a friend about me too, she said she'd thought that about me too, but didn't like to say. Personally I was glad she hadn't.

But each person is different.

I always think that it is more important for the child to get help they probably need that to avoid creating frictions in the relationship.

The mother may not realise that some of her daughter's behaviour is atypical. The sooner she opens her eyes the better it will be for the child. So yes if it was me, I would say something.

going back to the initial question, I think it is wrong to interfere. Most mums with a child that is not developing normally are aware, are speaking to professionals about it and they may not always confide in friends until they are sure. I was on the receiving end of other mums twittering behind my back about my daughter and making their own diagnoses, one even went so far as to contact my health visitor behind my back despite the fact that my HV was already aware of my concerns and couldn't see anything wrong. When I eventually found out who it was I was absolutely devastated that they went behind my back and felt totally betrayed. If you feel you have to say something, do it out of concern for your friend and do it face to face, don't go gossiping to other parents and remember the realisation for the parent is a devastating thing and is better manged by a professional. Also, it may not be autism as many kids with similar problems to the ones you discribe are not actually diagnosed as autisic but may have some other disorder. You could just point out something obvious to make her think ie speech delay.

thanks everyone for your opinions!
I wouldnt personally interfere and say anything i just thought that i would expect my sons nursery to say something to me about any concerns they had so surely a childminder is on the same level.