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Original poster

Do you let your ASD child 'stim' or not?

44 replies

sc13 · 23/03/2009 13:47

When your child with ASD is doing his/her stimmy thing (and I mean in particular playing with the same toy, reading the same book, watching the same video, singing the same song, etc.), do you just let him/her be, or do you try to 'intrude' on it by joining in, or do you positively try to make him/her stop by saying 'five minutes of this, then something else'? I ask because different approaches to ASD will suggest different strategies.

OP posts:

5inthebed · 23/03/2009 22:57

I let ds2 do as much hand flapping as he seems neccessary, but I do have to draw a line at his "spinning of wheels". Today at Boots he tipped a mini trolley over in the middle of the aisle, lay on the floor and proceeded to spin the wheels . I don't mind him doing this at home, but I have to draw the line somewhere.

amber32002 · 24/03/2009 06:42

5inthebed, I wonder if a toy with wheels that he could carry round with him would be useful in shops (trying not to recall how many hours I've spent watching things spin... )

bullet123 · 24/03/2009 10:06

I know with myself I will focus on the tiniest details of something, but I won't think about it in relation to the rest of the object. So I might notice a nick in the groove of a nail, but would think nothing more than how deep or shallow it looked and how it curved round or was jagged.
I still stim, it'a natural to me. When I was a child people would stare at my handfalpping and my mum would just shrug and smile at them. She wasn't bothered.

Original poster

sc13 · 24/03/2009 11:48

I don't mind hearing a song again and again. I've been known to put 'Nothing compares 2 you' on a loop for hours, at times of romantic disappointment . Anyway, I'm revisiting my view of DS's stims. He didn't even appear to notice the number books were not there - he usually asks for them, but he asked for Teletubbies instead. The same happened the time we made a half-assed attempt at taking his train away - didn't ask for it, just moved on to cars. When the train came back, he started playing with it again. It's like he has stims, but he's fine with change at the same time. And never 'stims' for more than 10/15 minutes (hell, DS doesn't do anything for more than 10/15 minutes at the time, other than sleeping). Can stim go together with short attention span?

OP posts:

Original poster

sc13 · 24/03/2009 12:01

I forgot to thank all of you guys for the insights into what makes 'stims' worthwhile activities. I confess I don't 'get' the trains, but I do 'get' the counting, and also the street-light (did I mention the street-light?). A number is a number is a number - in whatever language (DS, to the extent that he speaks, is bilingual), numbers are in a series and they follow rules. They make sense, it's a bit of regularity in an otherwise chaotic ocean of signs. Same for street lights: red/orange/green; red/stop, green/go. DS has soaked up the regularity, noticed the irregularities (e.g. people jaywalking) and the complexities (red for us walking means green for cars moving), and explicitly asks to wait for the next red or the next green after we've crossed, as if to confirm that, yes, everything's well with the world, after red comes green and then red again. I don't mind - on the contrary, for him it's like trying to understand a little universe in miniature. Maybe one day I'll 'get' the trains too...

OP posts:

5inthebed · 24/03/2009 13:00

Amber, if I gave DS2 a wheeled toy when we were out, the first thing he would do would be to lie on the floor and roll it past his eyes He is very spin obsessed, even in a park he would rather spin the round about than go on it.

allytjd · 24/03/2009 13:36

Oh dear, my new hobby is learning to spin on a spinning wheel, the boys all like pedalling it to make the wheel go round. I also do blank faced staring, usually when I sit down after commung into the house, I didn't really think of it as stimming though. When i had long hair I used to spend ages finding split ends and pulling them off. My mum and DS2 follow edges of things with their eyes, Mum says this is very distracting in church due to the fiddly architecture! Having siad that I do try to distract DS2 from his stims as i have noticed that they seem to be his default setting when he is bored (they often start when children's telly finishes!), he is often happy to start an activity that i suggest, his stims can be noisy and distract his brothers' from homework etc. (we could do with a bigger house ).

misscutandstick · 24/03/2009 13:37

oooh SC13! youve just reminded me! DS4 is very 'into' traffic lights, "red means stop, and green means go" he also loves arrows - we HAVE to go that way, because the arrow says so...

5inthebed, DS5 does that 'eye thing' on the floor with cars and trains, just rolls it back and forth about 4inches in front of his nose.

amber32002 · 24/03/2009 16:23

Signs? Oh yes. I was once brought to a complete halt and a total lack of clue what to do: I was in a well known department store and the sign had a big arrow pointing left and said "Pay this way". Except it was pointing to a wall. The tills were right in front of me. Well, I couldn't go to the tills in front of me because the notice was telling me to pay by turning left. Totally confusing. The lady on the till had to rescue me.

And don't get me started with the signs that say "Big Plant Crossing" (no there isn't) or the ones that say "New Pedestrian Crossing" (no new pedestrian to be seen anywhere!)

We're often like mini inspectors, spotting all the things that don't line up, don't match, don't do what it says.

bubblagirl · 24/03/2009 16:43

i let my ds unless i see his getting distressed then will try and distract with something else but quite often on a bad day I'll just let him he needs it if i want to relax I'll pick up a book id hate someone to take it away its his way of blocking out all the things bothering him he is much calmer left alone

bubblagirl · 24/03/2009 16:47

just read the traffic lights and the arrows my ds does this too he directs me the wrong way round town i have stopped that one lol i deliberately walk different ways to the same place on bad days this really upsets him on good days he really dont mind

things when were out such as him trying to control i do on purpose do things different as he will have to get used to not being able to control others

things at home such as shapes counting everything making numbers up for all sorts of things counting up to over 100 i just let him do it he seems happy then im happy

5inthebed · 24/03/2009 16:48

Amber that must be so confusing for you.

I had to have a giggle at ds2, as he does take things so literally. We were going to his nannas, who lives in a ground floor flat, and he always shouts for her under her living room window. He shouted for her "naaaannnaaaa" but she didn't appear, so I said shout again....and he shouted "AGAIN"

bubblagirl · 24/03/2009 16:51

my ds spots the things that aren't what they should be as green is go and red is stop he told daddy off for driving through yellow daddy tried to explain but we had to just leave it lol

MaryBS · 25/03/2009 07:36

LOL Amber, I have a thing about big plants crossing as well , brings all sorts of images to mind!

misscutandstick · 25/03/2009 09:28

They had to change signs sometime back: you know those temporary lights they use, when road works block the roads and you have to use the same side of the road? well the sign used to say:

"Wait here WHILE red light red light shows"

does that mean wait until the red shows and then go??? or wait when the red light shows??? so they have had to change it after a few accidents...

"wait here WHEN red light shows"

amber32002 · 25/03/2009 10:24

What they meant to say was "Stop here when the light is red". Otherwise I'd be thinking "when it shows what??"

Original poster

sc13 · 25/03/2009 10:54

I love the signs stuff - perhaps if I wore a big red arrow on my back DS would go where I want when we walk . He actually does not have a preferred route: he chooses the route back home from nursery, but he has some 5 different options, and sometimes he'll go for the bus, sometimes for a walk through the park, etc. it depends.
Incidentally, DS must have been reading this thread because he asked for his train this morning, got it back and even said 'thank you'! I've decided I can use the train to teach him 'under' the bridge, 'into' the tunnel, etc. A compromise has to be found between stuff he likes to do and stuff I want him to do instead, but that's true of all children, isn't it?
I found this thread really useful because I'm being encouraged to follow my own instincts more - being told that your child has 'problems' when you hadn't noticed anything wrong (which is my case) can really shatter one's confidence. Thanks to MN, I'm slowly getting it back

OP posts:

ouryve · 28/03/2009 14:14

So long as it's safe and not hurting them or anyone else, I allow my boys to stim in a controlled way. DS2 is into slamming all the kitchen doors at the moment. I let him do that for a minute or two then distract him, or else he becomes rather frantic and anxious about it. If I pick the right time to steer him away, he's able to sit down and concentrate on something for a bit.

I think they sometimes just need to work out their wiggles and bubbles and we need to learn to help them do that in a way that makes the stim a means and not an end for them.

If you were sitting in a dull meeting, a bit of doodling might help you stay alert. If you became completely engrossed in the feel and sound of the pen moving over the paper and the patterns it made, that would be counter-productive though. It's the same for our kids with their stims.

wraith · 30/03/2009 00:19

sc13 gah, was reading the posts in this thread and someone said something that id not beable to sleep until i correct. so sorry

a number is a number is a number in any language.

sorry and i do mean sorry but no

174 is not a number i hex which is classed as a language it is a letter pair AE=174

ok ive said it sorry, for hijacking the replies.

Wraith

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