So today I had my first "but he looks so normal" conversations....

[5inthebed]

And I didn't no whether to laugh or cry!

DS2 goes to MS school for two afternoons a week. Has done so since January. Never spoke to any of the parents as don't see the same ones regularly. Today while we were waiting to go in, this was the conversation I had with one of the mothers (seemed pleasant enough)

Her "Is your ds new? I've never seen him before."
Me "He's been coming since January, but only two days a week"
Her" Why is that?"
Me "He goes to a different school in the mornings" (At this point was getting a put flumoxed as knew what was about to come)
Her "Oh what school is that then"
Me "It's XXXXX school"
Her "Never heard of it, where is it?"
Me "Its in Blardy Blar, its a new school"
Her "Is that the school that is for Autistic kids, the one opened by that famous footballer? Oh god, does he have Autism?"
Me "Yes he does "
Her "Oh what a shame....but he looks so normal"

Well I could have said "Well what would you expect? Half a head or maybe green skin?"

What I did say was "Yes, autistic kids do look like normal children, because they are"

Thought I handled it quite well, but I expect he will be avoiding me at all costs from now on and probably telling all the other mums.

I knew most of the mums at school before DS2 started or even before the severity of his needs became apparent. This was from my DS1 already being at the school. They have all been lovely, what they say when I am not listening is atogether a different matter I'm sure. I have had 'he is a beautiful child' which he is!

Its the comments from strangers (which was the case really in the OP) that really annoy me. We were on holiday last year and in the restaurant one evening DS2 was asking for something from the buffet. A mum with her own children said 'oh no. whyever is he speaking like that, how dreadful!' I'm ashamed to say I was so upset I couldn't give her the answer she deserved to hear. DS1 was great though and simply sighed 'for goodness sake its just the way he talks!' God I love him! He was 7 btw.

As for a cure well its tricky isn't it? I wouldn't remove the syndrome because it does make up his personality, its him and I adore every part of him. I would, however, do anything to help him speak. Its this that really, really worries me. He has a cleft palate (repaired, kind off) and is fairly deaf. At the moment its fine because we protect him, school protect him but one day he won't be at school and we won't be here. That scares me to death, if only he could say 'they treat me badly' or 'it hurts' I would feel so much better for him.

Sorry for the garble. I think you need one every now and then.

Blimey sorry for terrible spelling. Have not long been back from doctors for a blood test for DS2. 5 year olds can be surprisingly strong I think!

Think I'm with slightlycrumpled. No desire to "fix" DD but I'd love her to be able to speak and understand language better - not all the fine nuances, just the simple sentences she struggles so much with. I am scared of what will happen when she goes to primary school (at age 6) in case her language hasn't increased enough for her to be able to tell me if she's upset. Even just for her to be able to tell me she has a headache, or she feels sick, without me having to second guess it.

P.S. My DD is beautiful too!!

Well the other mother spoke to me again yesterday as if the previous conversation never happened. So glad as now I have someone to talk to when dropping off/collecting if needs be.

I know loads of mothers with kids in ds1's class but none of them have any dc in ds2's class.

1. That's lovely.

BR

oh good .

5, just brought back lovely memories of dropping off/picking up DS1 whilst I was on mat leave with DS2. Don't see any one as back to work full time and pick up at 5.45.

It was lovely for that one half term. I felt like a real mummy. I am very and very for you.

Amber
wonderful insight about friends ...thankyou.

At ds's recent review they asked him if he had made friends at secondary school. She said he wrote something but then scribbled it out. I said 'your definition of a 'friend' is not the same as his...he would not really understand that question..he would try to work out what you mean by that and give the appropriate answer (the one he thinks you want him to write) but it would have no relevance'

The review was a bit depressing actually...it was a real 'mainstream is not working' moment