I feel so rubbish, and it feels like I am taking ½ a step forward, 6 steps back

[lou031205]

Can't think of a more positive thread title, sorry.

DD does a full day at preschool on a Tuesday, and has done since the beginning of January. She is always very proud to say that she is going "allll daaay", and loves having lunch there.

Today, the preschool leader told me that DD had "had a hard afternoon", and that she is not coping well with the last 15 minutes of preschool, when they get coats/bags etc. on and wait for parents to arrive. She suggested that I start collecting DD 10 minutes early, so that she can just get her stuff and go. I offered to change her to 5 mornings, but she said it isn't necessary.

I had walked to the village before collecting her, and I had a nappy bin and other stuff on the back seat of the buggy. DD always insists on walking, so I thought this would be OK. Part way home she fell over, and scraped her hand. She was absolutely beside her self, screaming "not sore!", "not sore", "feel better", and insisted that I carry her. She wouldn't sit in the buggy, and in any case it was loaded with groceries, etc. She wouldn't walk holding my hand. I HAD to carry her.

But I can't. I am 35 weeks pregnant, and couldn't hold her in one arm whilst pushing her sister in the buggy with the other. I staggered to the end of the road, and she was still hysterical.

I ended up phoning Mum & asking her to come and pick DD up, even though we were about 300 yards from home, and then had to sit on the pavement, with DD in full meltdown, giving her a firm cuddle singing "Rock-a-bye-baby". For some reason this helps her. The OT said that it probably helps her brain know where her limbs are.

I just feel like I am going backwards, not forwards. Preschool seems to be harder not easier, and she seems to be having more meltdowns at the end. Her 1:1 is leaving at the end of term.

I am wondering what the next step is, really. Fortunately she is not going to school until 2010, but she will have been at preschool for a year in June, and they are saying that the funding for 1:1 she gets is not enough, because she needs the 1:1 for the entire session, not the 1½ hours the £8.75 covers. When they tried to give her just 1½ hours 1:1 she had lots of accidents, and she wandered around doing nothing in the free play time.

The area inclusion co-ordinator is going to talk to me next Wednesday, but I have no idea what she is going to say. What if there isn't more funding available? Where does that leave DD?

Lou, what an awful day you've had. DS2 is currently in SN school, so I can't advise you on the 1:1. However, are there any SN schools with nurseries attached in your area? DS2 wasn't the best in MS nursery but is great in SN nursery.
I was the same last year towards the end of my pregnancy. DS2 seemed to have more meltdowns and I also had the worry of school. I really feel for you. Sending you an un-MN hug.

So...she is not coping well with the last 15 minutes of preschool, when they get coats/bags etc. on and wait for parents to arrive? Probably looks and sounds like complete chaos to her, bless her. Arms waving about, people dropping things, people bumping into other people, twirling around trying to get to the other arm of the coat, wandering about trying to find whatever goes in their bag. At the end of a long, long day it's like being asked to run a marathon after climbing a mountain. The school need to give her a big break half way through the afternoon, I'd say, and let her get her coat on in somewhere very quiet if they have such a space available.

As for the help needed, if you get stuck, IPSEA can be great. Well worth googling their website and getting in touch with them. See what the inclusion person says first, though - it just might be good news. They do have to really try to make the place accessible for her - it's the disability law.

And you're not rubbish. Not even a bit. You're doing a massive job whilst handling two youngsters and a baby on the way. I couldn't do a tenth of it and get it right. Nothing wrong with getting others to lend a hand, or several. Sounds like you need a decent sit-down, a glass of something relaxing (er, fruit juice??) and a nice something on the tele?

not an expert here but just wondered whether a "timetimer" set for the last 15 minutes of nursery would help. so she could see this hard period progressing and then getting closer to its finish.

others will be able to say better whether this is appropriate. good luck.

Thank you all,

5 - Not sure re: special schools, or even if it would be deemed appropriate for DD. She has no diagnosis, and although they have mentioned Lanterns, a SN preschool about 8-10 miles away, we don't have a second car so I couldn't get DD there. DD seems to be doing OK as long as she has full 1:1, in general.

Amber - I think you are right, it is overwhelming her and the need to 'comply' is just too much for her. She just can't cope with that structure.

lingle - that might be a good idea, I could mention it to the preschool and see what they think.

I was out at my church homegroup tonight, but have come back home because I am simply drained. I am going to have an early night, I think.

Sorry Lou, didn't realise no dx yet. DS2 SN nursery has taxi there and back through LEA.

Surely school can allow her to get her coat by herself without the chaos of the other children and let her sit somewhere quiet until you collect her.

The trouble is that DD can't really cope with sitting anywhere, quiet or not. She really has a very limited concentration and attention span, is always on the go. She has had an IEP of completing an activity for 5 minutes with support since September, and is still working towards it, I think. Her paintings come home with one stripe of paint on the paper unless she has the 1:1 support.

The only things she spends longer on are things that involve her hands, like play dough, or sticking and glueing, or playing with rice or sand.

I think in a way, sitting in a quiet place would be more tortuous for her than in a the bustle.

When I say 'no diagnosis', I mean that she has Global Development Delay and Epilepsy, but we have not been given a 'reason' yet.

lou031205 if she needs to go to Lanterns she should get transport there and back. If it's the one in Winchester, she will love it. They use Makaton sign pictures to give each child an individual routine which they all respond really well to.

My DD had similar melt downs in reception. Her lovely teacher took photographs of what she should be doing at the end of the day eg, getting her book bag, putting on her coat sitting down with everyone else. At each stage she gave DD a the relevant photograph & DD went & did what was on picture. Think she only needed this for a couple of months in the end. This really helped & gradually things got better.