Is my DS Dyspraxic? Or something else?

[BlackEyedDogstar]

I have just got Ds's mid-year report and it's made me very weepy. He is 5 yrsold and in Reception.

I feel I need to get some support for him but I don't know where to start. Can I just list my worries about him and perhaps gain your thoughts about this - and what I can do next?

1. Most worrying is his lack of social skills. He is very withdrawn at school, blanks teachers and children when they speak to him. He struggles to make friends and find people to play with him. He is very lonely at school I think and as a result counts the days till Saturday.

The report underestimates his ability and I'm guessing his quietness and lack of confidence lead his teachers to believe he is less capable than he is.

1. His handwriting is very poor.

1. When we try to encourage him to play with other children - say our friends kids - he either refuses to, or demands that they play exactly HIS games with HIS rules.

1. He can become angry and shouty when asked to do things (wash his hair, eat at the table) or kick out if we mishear/misunderstand him or something.

Other than this (hah) he is intelligent and knowledgeable, and good fun, and enjoys telling jokes. At home he is chatty and playful.

I have a parents evening at the school later and I want to discuss my concerns. Does the school get involved in this kind of thing? Does he need assessing even?

Any thoughts or advice (boohoo) ??

My ds is dyspraxic (age 8) and some of the things you mention sound similar, but not all. His fine and gross motor skills are poor, he finds it hard to ride a bike, swim etc and his handwriting is awful. He has struggled socially in the past few years but now seems to be a bit happier at school. He also gets angry when asked to do something but that is improving now. I think alot of the anger comes from frustration.

Make an appointment with the GP and ask to be referred to a consultant who deals with paediatric development. They will assess him. Any OT help you can get now will pay off later (if it is dyspraxia). It may be something else, of course, or nothing at all.

I would also talk to the school and ask for a meeting with the class teacher and SENCO. Let them know that you are going to ask for hhim to be assessed.

Good luck.

Thank you for your reply Melon, very useful.

Can I ask at what age did you have your ds assessed? Also is this something that teachrs are equipped to handle this kind of thing in your experience?

Hi there,

My DS1 has dyspraxia and mild AS and some of the things you have listed sound like him. He doesn't get upset when we misunderstand him, well no more than the average person anyway. Other than that he was probably like your DS at 5 (he is 8.5 now)

There is an overlap between AS and dyspraxia which makes getting a diagnosis difficult. It depends largely on where the bulk of the difficulties lie ime.

Does your DS have problems with other motor skills. Can he ride a bike, use cutlery, dress himself? Can he jump, run or throw a ball to the same standard as the average 5 yr old? Does he have an unusual gait? If he is fine with most of those things then it is unlikely he has dyspraxia. If you haven't already have a look at the Dyspraxia Foundation website here

I would go to the GP and get a referral to a paedatrician. Actually it is called a patch team where we live although I know that isn't the same everywhere. The paediatrician will do a rough assessment of him but their expertise is knowing which specialists to refer your DS to. My DS had his hearing tested (as it could have been why he didn't respond to people) a SALT, and OT and a clinical psych. They got together at the end of the process and decided on a diagnosis.

I would ask to see the SENCO too but don't be surprised if they aren't very helpful. They can stick their head in the sand until they get something in writing from a doctor. We are lucky that DS's school didn't need a dx to start helping him but many schools aren't so good. DS got an OT programme which they have been doing in school.

Trust your instincts though. If you feel that something isn't quite right then go with that as us mothers are usually right.

Good luck.

I would agree with Niecie when she says that schools and SENCO can be unhelpful. They don't seem to know alot about dyspraxia and probably won't be helpful until they are forced to by a medical person (OT/physio/other). We had concerns from about the age of 5 with my ds, but the school refused to beleive there was anything wrong. They are still not really on board (a TA called him lazy the other day and that there was nothing wrong with his hands). It does sound as if your ds needs some sort of help so grow a thick skin and battle for the help he needs.

Thanks Niecie and again, melon.

He can run, jump, climb, kick and throw a ball quite well. He can dress himself ok though prefers me to help him and for school I've got him easy to do up trousers. Not bad using cutlery, though room for improvement.

I also think I need some help with my parenting because I may have babied him too much....

Ok. I will mention it to the teacher later but go the gp route to get some help. Also I can sense that the teachers and TA are losing patience with him, he was snapped at by the dinner lady the other day for speaking quietly.

Hi, my dd1 (5) has mild Aspergers and has most of your ds's traits (apart from poor hand writing).

Marne, does your dd have special help/coaching with the Aspergers- and is it helping? I wondered if my ds might have some degree of aspergers, I guess he does need assessing to see what help he needs...

Good grief he's 5!! Of course you haven't spoilt him by babying him too much. He is still a baby and being forced to grow up fast because he has started school. Don't blame yourself!

I have also have DS2 who is 5 and in reception and who can be very quiet and does blank other people and children when out of school because he is shy! He'll get over it as I am sure that your DS will. They just need to find their feet a bit.

How did your DS get on at pre-school or nursery? Has he changed?

And what is it with dinner ladies? DS2 doesn't mind school except for lunchtimes. The head dinner lady is a dragon (we live next to the school and I can hear her in the playground shouting at them). TBH she strikes the fear of God in me so what she does to 5 yr olds I don't know.

Sorry, a small rant there. Its just that they put these people in charge of children, with probably the minimum of training, and sometimes they seem to do more harm than good!

I hope you get some help from the teachers. It would be nice if they understood what your concerns were and were able to help.

doesn't sounds like dyspraxia to me, from what you are saying about his motor skills. My ds can't lkick a ball without falling over, holds cutlery in a fist grip and def can't wash his own hair!

The school can get involved, and if you are worried and think he is underachieving at school it is worth asking for the education psychologist to see him. I'd also consider gettign a referral to a community paed who can assess or make appropriate referrals.

Although there is some overlap with dyspraxia and ASD, dyspraxia is about a lack of motor control. My ds has dx of dyspraxia and also social and communication issues which covers the bit where he overlaps with autistic traits.

agree with neicie regarding the 'babying' too. It jsut sounds to me that he has additional needs, and you've been meeting those needs. The school maybe also need to recognise and meet those needs. Good luck.

Blackeye- at the moment dd1 doesn't get any help at school although the school are aware of her having AS and at times they have adapted things for her (if things get too much for her she's allowed to leave the room etc.), she seems to doing ok at school but has struggled with socializing as she wants the others to play by her rules and she has to be in charge. Dd1 was diognossed just before christmas and now dd2 is in the process of being diognossed with Autism (she has all dd1's traits and is non-verbal) she also shows dyspraxia traits as they seem to overlap.

Thanks so much everyone for replies (and for saying it's ok to have babied my pfb ).

I thought perhaps he has dyspraxia because i did a search on shyness here on mn and came across a thread where it was diagnosed by mners for someones ds that sounded much like mine. I always thought he was just anti social and lacking confidence but I don't think so now.

I just want to help him be happy!

Blackeyedogstar, worth your GP asking for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. They're the best people for assessing a child properly rather than quizzes and guesses from GPs or HVs or teachers.

It does sound a bit like an ASD (autism spectrum disorder - e.g. Asperger syndrome), as we often have some clumsiness and similar problems with it. If so, a dinner lady shouting at him for it is as useless as a dinner lady shouting at a blind child because they can't see, or a child in a wheelchair for not standing up when the teacher comes into the room. Definitely worth the school knowing for sure what it is, and what they can do about it, too.

A lot of the things you have listed sounds like my DS (now 9), who is being assessed atm. I was sure he had dyspraxia & maybe ASD. He still struggles to use a knife & fork now, still wears most of his dinner, has trouble dressing himself (will often have 2 pairs of pants on or come home with his PE shorts under his trousers!), always alone in the playground, terrible handwriting, only wants to play a game related to his latest obsession, comes out with bizarre things all the time, still reverses some letters & numbers...I could go on & on! He appears very very lazy & I can find him very frustrating.
Started having him assessed nearly 2 years back & still no nearer getting a dx.

Blackeyed - how did you get on yesterday? Did the teacher share your concerns?

Pinkchampagne - I remember when you started the process of getting your DS assessed. I can't believe it is 2 years and that you haven't yet got an answer. That can't be good for either of you.

FWIW - your DS still sounds quite a lot like mine!

Hi everyone thanks so much for your imput. I thought I'd update from my parents evening last night.

Ds's class teachers listened carefully to my concerns. They said they didn't have any concerns themselves but also said it wasn't their area of specialised knowledge. They did say that his quietness didn't hold him back academically at all, and consider him to be very able and knowledgeable - amazingly (to me) he always puts his hand up to answer questions in class.

They took me to meet the school's Inclusion manager who devised a plan of action. She wants to arrange social skills workshops (as that is my chief concern, along with maybe self esteem issues?) with a small group from ds's class (1 or 2 others and DS) and again a small group will do something around 'emotional literacy' using Cartouche (sp?)which is a means for children to identify their feelings and learn to manage them successfully. (Am writing this down from memory, so roughly right). In addition, she will bring in the school's link with some assessment body, and this lady will observe DS within these sessions and produce a report with her recommendations - either a referral for further assessment to see if he sits on somewhere on a spectrum or pointing out resources that the school can use to assist Ds's development in these areas.

I feel pretty pleased with this response and feel that the school is keen to help me address my worries about him.

That sounds really positive BlackEyedDogstar.

I am glad they listened to you and acted on what you said. I do think that often mothers are the first to pick up that something is wrong so they should listen to us! Of course, he could be fine but at least if there is a problem, you are going to get some help.