tying myself in knots about schools

[allytjd]

I keep waking up at 5am worrying about choosing schools, basically we have lived for ten years in a nice village with a very good primary school, DS1 and DS3 have lots of good friends and DS2(AS)has known all the kids in his class since he was a baby and they accept his quirks, he has a part-time best friend (nice boy who has lots of other friends but likes DS2) and still gets invited to parties etc. The problem is high school, the choice is roughish comp or academically selective private, good comps are far away so we will probably have to move.

I am sad at leaving my good friends and don't know whether to move DS2 with 2 years of primary left or move when he is due to start secondary. I am scared he would regress socially if we move and sad that he will miss the last two years of his lovely primary where he is starting to make progress socially and academically, Arghh i have never been so obbsessed with making any decision ever! and i hate moving house (not to mention the housing market!).

It doesn't help that many friends have decided to send their kids to the private school, it seems to have snowballed, once a couple made the choice others followed suit.

Can you afford private? I have a choice of a rough comp and I am not letting my DS anywhere near it as he would sink/get bullied or both. The socialisation theory is all very well, but not if socialisation actually means being mocked for his funny little ways by obnoxious teenagers.For me, private or home education are the only 2 choices. Don't know if that helps?

Unfortunately the private school is one of the best and well oversubscribed, One of DS2's quirks is that he has dyslexia type problems which mean he would be unlikely to get a good enough test score to get in, I would feel uncomfortable about my kids fitting in there anyway, the parents are predominately alpha male and female types (not my favourite kind of person). I agree with you about socialisation though, whenever i mention homeschooling as a "plan B" option the ED-phych and teachers recoil in horror, as though lots of poor quality social interaction at school is more 'character building" than good quality social interaction orchestrated by me, the "over-protective mother". just because my kids are a bit unusual does not mean I don't have a firm grip on reality!

Could you home school your ds1 until ds has finished primary? Also by then the housing markket may have picked up a bit. It sounds as if the schooling of one of them is going to have to be "sacrificed" for the other for a couple of years.

I think DS1 and I would be up on GBH charges if I attempted to home school him! I suppose I am just getting all my angst out now before the deed is done, I will just have to work extra hard at making the transition Ok for DS2. I wish I had anticipated this when we moved here with one little baby ten years ago but high school seemed very distant in those days. Its horrible having to sacrifice the needs of one child for those of another but not unusual in families where SN is an issue i suspect. If DS2 really hates high school i will home school him, we are interested in quite similar stuff (well apart from sci-fi lol) so it could work for a few years.

allytjd

Does your DS have a Statement?. This could help make his educational life easier particularly when he gets to secondary school.

Would check out the "roughish" comp for yourself well ahead of time. Do not dismiss it out of hand as you can make up your own mind re such a place.

Private schools work outside of the LEA and thus may not be the best environment for your son. I would look for a well run state school and a school who is actually helpful in dealing with special needs.

Attila, DS2 does not have a statement (they are called Co-ordinated support plans in Scotland) because until a recent law change, having a CSP meant that you were not allowed to request an out of area school place if you had one and I felt the need to keep his options open as there are no very good comps in our authority (I will review this when he gets nearer transition).

You are right about the local comp, I am planning a visit, they are moving into a new building at easter and the head is off with a long term illness so i will leave it a while. I don't suppose the school is that bad, I think @45% of kids get 5 A-Cs at standard grade, but it suffers by comparison to the local private school and i have had to listen to too many people saying they would never send their kids there as it is far too dangerous/druggy/scruffy etc. which has dented my confidence a bit.

I suppose I have turned into an over-protective mother.

when you say 'far away' how far do you mean for the good comp?

DS2 & DS3 go to a school a good 20mins by car, but it is worth the travelling distance - although i know that i have taken on a longterm commitment, i still think it is the best option for us.

Allytjd, have you been in touch with Enquire?

I have had dealings with them in a professional capacity, and I was very impressed.

Also, a lot can change in two years. A new head could turn the local secondary around. And also, if you move to get into the catchment area of a "good " school, they may not have a space in the right years for all 3 of your children. S1 and S2 at my DCs school are full - they kept one place in each year group for people moving into the area, and they've both been filled now. Anyone else moving into the area would need to wait until someone left.

Mrs Muddle, one place per year is nothing is it what if twins moved in? i hope you're not talking about the school I'm thinking of, which is the same school I went to incidentally, and is usually in the top ten for exam results. DS1 is very resistant to moving for P7 but we might have to consider it. I don't like the thought of my kids getting a worse education than me, it doesn't seem fair somehow. Enquire look interesting, I'll follow that up, thanks. The local school will always have a more disadvantaged catchment area than the other schools I'm thinking about but I do realise that a good head can make a big difference to behaviour and middle class kids are not guaranteed to be nice to my DS.
Misscutandstick- One of the far away schools will probably have space, the other is pretty full and we stand virtually no chance of getting in unless we move (and Mrs Muddle has scared me about that too!), they are both about 35mins away and would involve changing buses and an early start so not ideal. I'm in danger of falling into self pity here so I will try not to moan until i have taken some more action to resolve the problem.

Could be... Outskirts of Glasgow? North of the city?

Agree that one place a year is nothing. After all the catchment area children got a place, there were about 50 or so for placing requests - and many of them travel quite a distance to get there. I see them at the station in the morning when I go into town.

AFAIK it's only first and second years where the number of pupils is capped.

Not Glasgow more central. The Depute headteacher told me this week that next year's S1 has been capped. Placing requests are a real double edged sword, our parents generation seemed much more laid back, i only remember a handful of outside placements "in my day". My problem is timing, can you buy a house in the winter but not move your kids 'til the next academic year but reserve a place for them, AFAIK that would count as a placing request even though you were technically moving into the area (because they wouldn't be attending a feeder primary). It would be easier if it was my oldest or youngest who had SN rather than my lovely middle child (not that i would change them at all). Council leaflets don't make this very clear.

I don't think the feeder school would be an issue. The children at the feeder school on't automatically get a place if they had to put in a placing request to go to the primary.

There are clear cut geographical areas, and those children get priority. I'm sure that the kids outside these areas who went to the feeder schools would be next highest priority, but they'd still need to put in a placing request for secondary too.

Here are our local authority guidelines and I'm sure they'll be the same everywhere.