Thick skin needed - anyone know where I can buy one?

[Frasersmum123]

Have recieved the Paeds report today, and while I know its not, it just feels like a slap in the face, and everything on there is my fault.

Attachment problems (to me), lack of social skills,No imagination, lack of speech etc etc. I know that I do try with F, but I feel like maybe I should try more, or should try something else.

I was feeling so positive yesterday as I had managed to get us a place on the 'more than words' course, and had visited a ASD support group whihc gave me loads of info and made me feel less isolated, but today I feel like shite!

Sending totally un-MN love to you. Please do not blame yourself. And post here to offload xx

Frasersmum, I know that when I read through the report on my own ASD, I was completely horrified. But they told me they have to write it to be quite 'negative' otherwise we don't get the help and services we need (hmm) . I guess it might be the same sort of thing for this too.

If it's an ASD, it would be a miracle of Biblical proportions if there were no attachment problems or social skills problems etc etc. That's what it is, and it's nothing at all to do with parenting skills.

Don't know about a thicker skin, but can offer a very large virtual cuppa??

I am sure it feels horrible, but it's what Amber says, it's about getting you help. And take my word for it- it is equally horrible to read report after report suggesting that there is nothing much wrong really, when you know full well that there is.

The truth is that that your ds has a disability that means he cannot be exactly like an NT child, however hard you try, because he is starting from a different place.

Hopefully this will lead onto stage 2, which is how you can all (including the health profession) help him from the place where he is. That is, help him, not some imaginary NT child.

Frasersmum, it's not your fault at all - this does not depend on something you may or may not have done. What does matter is that you are doing so much to help your child, and are facing the music rather than running away.
I felt SO guilty when the first problems started emerging, thought about giving up my job and stuff, but I think it's important for you and for the DC to gradually find a sense of 'normality' in your life, rather than living in a constant state of emergency/what if, if you see what I mean.

He is 2.

Thanks everyone. I do understand the whole 'put all the bad things down' but it just doesnt make reading it any easier.

I agree with you Cory, it must be awful when no-one else can see the problems that a parent does, at least I get the comfort in knowing that others can see the problems, and something might get done about it.

I hated seeing ds2 being put in black and white. But as others have said, you can now get him the help he needs, look at his "bad" points and try and work on those.

Not yet, we have been refered and we are just waiting!

Sending virtual hugs. All reports are a bugger. I have only just started being able to read my son's first time round and he's 14. The early ones used to induce a panic attack of epic proportions. The bummer is that it always seems to happen just after you are feeling good about something (bit like DS2 getting diabetes just as I was feeling vaguely smug about DS1 progress at school - knew the gremlins were listening!)

They have to write what they see at that moment. They are not emotionally attached to your hug bug like you are and they have the experience and the depth of knowledge to make assessments which by their nature HAVE to be objective. So when I write reports for annual reviews as school I do have to write things like 'x is frequently distracted and has difficulty in listening to instructions which is partly down to his speech and language difficulties but also due to his immaturity in dealing with peer relatioinships" It sounds really harsh but how else am I going to put that x actually has the attention span of a gnat which is exacerbated by his need to chat with his best friend all the time.

I used to open report envelopes and often leave them for my husband to read. Then I would skim through them and put them away. As I say, I was only able to get through them without feeling like utter crap once DS1 was in year 6 and I HAD to read them to go through tribunal. Work out a method of dealing with them that works for you. A bit of avoidance is OK in moderation.

Good luck and it will get better.