Feel really sad about this need views/advice

[mommy6]

I have put this in chat but maybe somebody here can help,although its about an adult not a child.
The end of Oct 08 my BF's(A) DH(B) had a stroke.It was a very bad stroke,it took his speech(which is coming back slowly)and left him in a wheel.B can't transfer from wheel without a hoist so is totally depentant.He was transfered from hospital to a rebilatation center afew weeks back.The next step is getting B back home,but they will need to be rehomed first.
A has now decided she can't have B home because he will need 24hrs care.B is 46 so where does he go?
I don't know if A has just had afew down days or if she really won't have B home.
My DH is really sad,upset and angry about this.Partly because we have always talked about getting B home.B also has MS so we all knew he would end up in a wheelchair one day,and the 4 of us have always talked about what would happen.This wasn't how things would work out.I know DH and i are not there 24/7 and are not angry with A just at how unfair it all is.I think DH feels like he has lost another close friend.

It feels better just writing it all down.

have seen your other thread as well. I've not got experience of this sort of thing - but is there any chance that A is saying this strategically to try and galvanise SS/health into providing proper care if he does come home, rather than because she is certain she doesn't want him to come home.

It must be a very daunting prospect for A to know that she needs to be there for B 24/7. Perhaps she needs more time to get her head around this both mentally and logistically. Is there a care home he could stay in until she is certain everything is in place and maybe build up to coming home gradually? I guess even if she doesn't feel able to have him home at the moment, these things aren't set in stone.
Does she know that she can rely on you and your DH for support? (Stupid question I'm sure but have you talked about how you can support them?)

Good point by totalchaos - SS etc. are less likely to offer services if you friend looks like she can cope with everything that's thrown at her, maybe a good thing to put some of the onus on them.

Hope it all works out for you all.