Teaching a child with ASD how to handle teasing

[Homsa]

My DS (5) has autism and attends a ms school. A couple of days ago he told me (after much hesitation, squirming, me bribing him etc.) that a boy from his class has been calling him mean names. This seems to have been going on for quite a while. I observed DS and the other boy at a birthday party the day after. When the boy was picking on DS, he initially tried to ignore him, but then attempted to hit and push him.
So I wrote in DS's home-school book that there was an issue with DS and this boy and that I had advised DS to either ignore him, to say "stop it, I don't like that", or to call him a silly, but not mean, name back - and that DS had favoured the 3rd option.
Speaking with DS's LSA this morning, it turns out that another LSA has been observing this issue at lunchtime, but not informed anyone. Which is bloody typical of this school - they just don't communicate. She also said not to tell DS to call the other boy a silly name back, but ignore him.
Based on my personal experience, ignoring bullies doesn't work, it only damages your self-esteem. All the other children would respond verbally to verbal teasing. I don't want to teach my DS to be the only "model pupil" in his class, I want to teach him playground survival skills. What do you think?

I think you need a new lsa.

Seriously, you should complain about this. She's not doing her job.

I should be concentrating on making them deal with the other boy. Telling your son to ignore him what about dealing with him so he stops doing it. Have you asked them? They seem to be saying that your son is just going to have to put up with namecalling. Just shut up and take it? Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Get angry Homsa. Get angry with the school.

Homsa, I'm always very wary of 'teaching' any of us to stand up to bullies. We just don't have the skills for it. It takes subtle use of body language, facial expressions, timing, knowing just what to say, knowing when to act and when not to. We're absolutely hopeless at it.

The school needs to act responsibly. A child with an ASD is a vulnerable child who needs protection from bullying. If they don't act properly, you are within your rights to demand action by talking with the teacher, the SENCO, the Head, and if necessary then writing to the Governors and the local authority.

Schools that manage bullying situations really well often use a whole-school approach and a buddy scheme in the playgrounds. They teach children about respecting and valuing difference, they ensure that the children support and encourage those with a disability, and they act promptly and effectively to guide and stop bullying behaviour.

It is not the responsibility of a child with a disability to do the almost impossible and stop bullies themselves. Having said that, he's entitled to reasonable self-defence against attack if he feels able to do so.

Sorry, should have said that the LSA said she'd be keeping an eye on it and that she'd have a word with the other boy as well. I'm giving them the benefit of doubt for how, but if they don't deal with it effectively, I will take further action.
What pisses me off is that the other LSA (not my DS's) had noticed that there was something going on and didn't tell anyone. My son's LSA had no idea. Communication at the school is terrible - DS's home-school book gets a WEEKLY entry that consists of, oh, maybe 4 sentences? All my attempts to establish some kind of communication system have been blocked as being "too time-consuming". It's ridiculous - DS has 20 hours on his statement and yet his DS has no time to spend 5 minutes a day on communicating with me?
DS's LSA does try very hard, but gets so little support and training she often gets things sooo wrong. Today she told me she's been writing social stories to address his stimming . Yeah right like that's going to help with an involuntary sensory problem.

So tell me then, what could DS call this other boy? I don't want him being mean so teasing about physical attributes is out of bounds, just want to tell him something silly he could say, I can't think of anything!

amber sorry didn't see your message before I posted. They do have a whole-school approach and have talked to children extensively about bullying and what to do about it.
I understand what you're saying about the complex nature of social interactions. "Scripts" don't really work in the playground. Sometimes I wonder if for DS all that social level of interaction is like watching a video on fast-forward - you see people milling and round but you can't really catch what's happening?

It's more like being in the middle of a battlefield. The noise level in the playground and the confusion of all the movement is utterly overwhelming.