i swear i do actually hate the twins nursery teacher!

[drlove8]

aaaaarggh. just back from dd4's progress meeting, what a nightmare. ....never going to another. dd's salt was there, s was her pre-school liasion/support ,her clinical phycologist, our HV and her nursery teacher and the associated head teacher. meeting started off with HV giving a history of dd and family, usual stuff ,nothing uexpected. then the phycologist had her say again , everything as expected, everyone had good things to say about dd4 , and i ended up crying as i was relieved that dd is making slow progress, big improvement as she had plataued(spelling) for a while there. then the nursery teacher has her turn to speak, she does a quick run through of what everyone else has said about dd4, and then starts talking about ds4!. ffs!- she said he doesnt mix with other kids- has no friends, doesnt want to join in and wont do as hes told! at gym the other day apparently he just stood there and wouldnt join in and was crying?????. this is the woman who asked me a few weeks ago" how do you know E(DS4) IS NORMAL?, who's told you he's normal?". she seams to have got it into her head that the twins are the same person and should be treated the same.NEEDLESS TO SAY- i was furious.... i said to her my son does have friends- he has no problem mixing with other children outside nursery, and what your describing is not my son.she still wouldnt listen so i ended up reapeating over and over, thats not my child- i also said he's BORED at nursery, at home he does simple sums with me ( 1+1=2, 2X2=4 ect) and has started to learn to write his name and the alphabet, he can switch on the laptop and access his file and go into his games.she still wouldnt listen and started on about his speach. anyone whos had twins will have had experience of how twins talk, they have there own way of communicating with each other and are sometimes slower to speak clearly with others. dd4 and ds4 do this, they have there own form of language thats just between them- its mostly signs, and word like sounds.he does speak,ask questions ect ,his pronunciation is a bit iffy with certain words but he is understood no problm, even the SALT commented before that ds4 is quite bright and not too worry as his bad habits are nothing of concern, but averadge for a twin.... i dont want to take the twins back to nursery now..am and . dd4 has lots of therapy/visits there so what do i do?

oh dear she does sound a bit charmless.... do you think she is well intentioned though - that she genuinely does have concerns? maybe she isn't experienced with the twin side of things - I certainly wouldn't have know that twins had different speaking habits to non-twins iyswim.

charmless isnt the word i'd use TC! , i dont think she's well intentioned and her concerns are a mystery to everyone!. it like shes done a report on ds4 and made it all up!, i dont know why TBH.the attitude of the woman is horrible- shes a nursery teacher, so she obviously knows my son better than i do! Why i wasnt told of ds4 crying at gym before?, i was that shocked i didnt even ask when this happened.the meeting wasnt even about ds4 it was about dd4 and her because of the SN!

i think she is genuinly concerned you could be describing my ds there he has HFA writes knows all alphabet does his name loves numbers counts all the time

does not interact at nursery will not do what is asked but does do all this outside of nursery

i know you maybe cant see it but my ds is so different in nursery to out of it i struggled to believe it too until i saw it with my own eyes could you ask to stay out the way and observe the way i did it was only then i noticed he did have difficulties

i wouldn't brush off the fact that he doesn't do these things i honestly couldn't believe my ds did as he is so different outside of nursery but he does and i now know why and g=he gets the extra support now

it may just be the twin thing but its worth observing and seeing for yourself my ds is computer literate he has been since he was 2 very bright but struggles in nursery with interacting and socializing with others and his communication also as he started speaking late and has atypical speech sounds but i never saw this until i stayed out the way and saw for myself

i think she could have been a bit more tactful but i wouldn't have believed it either if i hadn't seen with my own eyes so maybe they have real genuine concern and just needed you to hear it and take it seriously

im not saying anything is wrong with your ds but for them to make a point of mentioning it means they have concerns that need to be aired

im sorry it upset you i could have sworn they were talking about wrong child with my ds that's why i arranged to stay in background and found it was true he was so different in than out of nursery its to do with home is there comfort and knowing the routine and whats expected and some children cannot grasp this in a nursery setting

not saying your ds has HFA like my son but only the fact that he is a different boy in than out of nursery and i had no idea

bubba i see what your saying , but dd4's peadiatrition has also seen ds4 and has observerd both the twins together. she said dd clearly has delays/possible autism, and ds4 is within averege range.she is happy with my son's progress and i am more likely to trust a peadi than a nursery teacher. HV and everyone else is happy with ds4 too.... HFA , i dont really know much about that , will do some reading up.... my wee girl has suspected autism , but no ones mentioned HFA. she doesnt speak much, no real communication, im guessing its quite a bit different to your wee one . i really honestly dont think my son has any issues going on, just usual wee boy.if i thought for a second he did, i'd be up demanding that someone help him.... have been through the denile part with dd4 an i know im not doing that.

bubba... actually re-read what you'd posted, and i think i will ask the peadi to have another look at ds4, just to make sure.its the commputer thing that got me.....

im by no means saying he has but what you wrote sounds just like my lad he is so number shape color orientated great at home palys and has fun but in a large group of children he has no idea what to do he tends to stand back and watch

this could be completely normal behavior for any child but you could have been describing my son with how the nursery see him to how i see him it would be worth checking if they are raising these concerns if all comes back ok then great but im glad preschool, pointed this out otherwise i wouldn't have seeked further help and we wouldn't have had early dx and all the help we now receive

as i say im not trying to worry you at all but my son by all means is not the same child at pre3 school as outside i cried i swore they were lying to me but they weren't and were right to point this out

he sounds like a very bright boy just like mine so with the right help whatever the outcome will catch up but if they are making a real point then i would for your own peace of mind get it checked out if you want to ask me any questions of any sort feel free

but as im saying he could be typical little boy standing back and observing im in no means saying he has HFA like my son but just a few things stood out that i think would be worth following up good luck

thanx bubbagirl!- av just checked out your photos, your wee man is the most adorable little boy. he's really handsome!

oh thank you so much that's really kind of you

your family is really nice too your twins remind me of my brother and i were girl boy twin x

hi.drlove8,sorry your meeting was upsetting today.obviously i dont know the nursery tescher,and it sounds like she wasnt particularly tactful, but, given that in general, a lot of nurseries and schools will minimise a childs difficulties, i think it interesting she voiced her concerns, not just with you, but with other professionals also. also, autism has a genetic link, and in studies it has shown, that both twins can be affected to a greater or lesser degree.i dont have twins, but ds2 and ds3 both have ASD, and ds2 also has ADHD, and ds3 also has Dyspraxia.Ds2 and ds3 present very differently, though both are on the autistic spectrum.Ds2 is very bright, and like your little boy,at, 4yrs, knew his colours, numbers, shapes,could write a little etc.But, throughout his childhood(hes just turned 13), he has had poor communication and social skills, hates changes to his routine and presents with challenging behaviour.He was dx young with ADHD, cos that behaviour was in your face, and only last year got dx with Aspergers syndrome-very similar to high functioning autism.This is now his main dx,but the difficulties were being masked by the ADHD.I am telling you this,(albeit in a rambly way), cos for many years schools minimised my sons difficulties, to his great detriment,(though he is now at a school that is great with him), though he showed some of your sons difficulties back in nursry-had no friends, played by himself,found gym and playtime difficult and at these times, wouldnt do as he was told. We were in the reverse situation to you, as at home he was a Nightmare. My dh and i have just done the HELP programme, and it was made clear there, that children on the spectrum can present very differently in different settings, and this is still very evident with ds2. I dont know, and am not saying your ds4 is on the spectrum-it could be, that like you say, hes just a little slower, cos of being a twin, but like the previous lady, your little boy, sounded like mine.(by the way, nursery should have told you re ds4 crying, and agree with above, would be good if you could observe him at nursery, as then, you would either be reassured, or decide to ask someone to have a look at him.