Help for a friend

[MuffinToptheMule]

I have a 'sort of' family member (I say sort of because of lack of marriage, so not family legally.) who has a 3.4 year old DS. Her DS is a lovely little boy who is often very very affectionate and has a wonderful infectious smile. Many people are concerned though about Ds development. Her parents and her DP's parents are concerned as are the nursery, myself and my DP. I think before now she was actually not concerned but it is starting to dawn on her that there is something not quite right. She is however reluctant to attend appointments or to further investigate problems which other people point out. I can understand that she must be very confused and I a not blaming her. I am worried for her DS though because I believe he needs more help than he is currently getting. Does anyone have any advice for me or for her? Should I say something to her or not? If I do say something, what should I say?

Given she's aware and nursery and other family members are on the case- I wouldn't say anything unless she raises the issue herself, as it sounds like she is struggling to come to terms with things. It's not absolutely impossible that she is following up with appointments but just doesn't feel up to talking about it. If she does raise the issue (I assume it's language that's a big issue) it might be useful for her to know that language problems are surprisingly common in young kids (1 in 10), and that speech therapy isn't at all intrusive or troublesome for a kid, and unnecessary speech therapy (or indeed paed appointments) will not be in any way disadvantageous to a kid.

I know she is actively not going to the appointments, but I'm not blaming her. I just wondered about how to show my support. Thanks for replying

unfortunately i think theres very little you can do for her until she has come to terms with the problems that her DS is facing.

It's a real shame. I find it hard to go out with them because she has such a short fuse with him and the day ends badly for everyone. I wish she could get help from somewhere so that they could all be happier.

it sounds like she's struggling herself maybe feels she is to blame

could you not bring up a fake incident or a true one from here to say about how this mum felt etc how her son or dd was and try and aim it to your friend so she can maybe relate and not feel so bad or to blame

i felt to blame thought maybe i hadn't done enough etc with ds but i was aware of his problems and seeked help out for him from young age he as you may well know was dx with ASD and with all the help and support that's come with it has been amazing and ds has come along so much but i still isolate myself at times if i cant handle his behavior

all you can do is ask if she needs help with anything or just maybe point her this direction for advise

it will be something that she will eventually probably have no choice but to face up to so just support in knowing she's not to blame

all id do is talk about an incident and sound it out like her ds and say it reminded me of [his name] and thought id let you know how his mum has got on etc something along them lines