What to do about sibling who is coping very badly?

[Peachy]

I am really worried about ds2,and it came to a head last night.

Basocally we have the same argument with ds1 every night- we try to make him go in his room,he refuses and just blanks us as he gets duvet etc and settles on my floor.I can't lift himand dh is at work so he knows I am then stuuck.

same oldsame old last night even though I ahd decided to makeaspecific efort and really tried to get him out (was feeling strong yesterday).

Eventually ds2 comesout of room and takesoffence that ds1 is ther.I explain I have really tried but he callsmea liar and sits there swearing and saying I am a bad Mum. eventually climbs on top of my bed to pin me downsaying how he is going to get a heavy thing and kill meand he doesn't care if he goes to prison.

Now he'srepentant this morning but we are getting mroeand mroe outbursts of aggression.I underastand where it comesfrom having 2 asd brothers but I dont ahve massive energy reserves (we've been keeping a diary; ds3 settling at 11.30, ds1 at midnight taking 7 trips plus a 3am session to sort ds3,constant checks plus 4 hr settling for ds1). and it'saproblem.

We did almost get him in a sibling scheme but it was one of those false promises:everyone said yes then we never heard back. Same as with the befriender for ds1 whicjh we thought might free up a little 1-1 time for ds2.

Any ideas? 1-1 time is limnited due to dh's shifts, he wakes at 3, I do homework /meal and then it's time for him to look at work (he workds at home for 2 hours before going in at 9). DS2 is alovelym laddeepijnside,i dopnt want tolose it ina mire of resentment

Oh Peachy, deep sympathies, my DS2 (also nt) accused me of preferring DS3 over him and giving DS3 too much attention, trouble is there is a grain of truth in it, I do expect DS2 to fend for himself a lot of the time. And he has to put up with DS1 unpredictable lashing out behaviour to boot.

Wish I had some useful suggestions

That's agood idea about coming out of school-Ithink schoolwould agree.We'd still ahev to keep ds4 with us (am certain tis is sibling rivalry with extras IYSWIM) as he is BF and wn't drink anything else but if he could choose and pick that might help I think

are there any online sibling support groups, or would he be too young for that? just wondering if no real life support is around locally for siblings etc, whether a chance for him to chat to siblings in a similar position might help?

I've mamanged (over then phone- have a very real fear of making calls so ) to persuade Young carers to isue a form; last time they'd only do it by email and it wouldn't open on my PC but it seems they have a new Manager who is happy to p[ost one.

Will chat with school in case they seek theor opinion but keeping everything crossed- YC offer smallcounselling sessions as well and i think ds2 would benefit massively from it.

Assuming (praying) ds4 contimnues to develop along NT lines I think ultimately ds2 will massively benefit from an NT sibling (and ds4 already does things ds1 and ds3 cannot eg playing in turns) but of course we are still at the stage where the nauhty toddler kicking in bit takes a lot of our time.

Peachy

Just wanted to post that DS1 (nt 9) gets totally frustrated at times with DS2 (8, asd) and we have a backlash. It can be quiet for a little while and then suddenley he kicks off. His temper is ferocious. He not only finds DS2 frustrating, at times, but he also worries about him.

I hope the Young Carers can help, or small counselling sessions at school would be brilliant just to give him that 1-1 time to offload. It's hard fitting everything in though.

Fingers crossed you can get something sorted!

Same as you HelensMelons. DS1 gets furious at DS2 and the perceived special treatment he gets. Major tantrums. Its exhausting. I try my hardest to give him lots of 1 on 1, like I'm sure you all do too. But its just hard.

Its such a difficult one, ds1 often says "you love ds2 more than me" obviously we give lots of reassurement & it gives me a bit of a wake up to spnd more time with him.
Actually last yr I took a day off work & told school ds1 was sick (naughty i know) & we went out for the day together.
We went on a local river trip & for lunch.
He felt liek a very grown up 8 yr old & we both felt so much better.

Do you get any respite time?

peachy how old is ds 2 , I got couple of nt ds 12 nd 14both very gentle boys which i am sure lot is due t dd and ds needs , who would happily talk to
him

and i would second young carers if hes old enough , gives them chance to chat with other kids going through similr things

Me too, I waited a very long time for Young Carers and nothing heard.