Is this "tactile defensive" or just a control thing?

[lingle]

At our last assessment of DS2 (3.6, receptive language delay) at nursery, the assessor mentioned that he didn't like playing with the sand or water and that she thought this was part of a "tactile defensiveness."

However, my DS2 loves going to the beach, digging sand, burying his toes, jumping over waves, etc and will enthusiastically jump into a swimming pool and stay in it for 40 minutes splashing about. He likes the bath.

He dislikes spilling water on his clothing and will take the clothing off or ask me to wipe it up.

I'm thinking that if the sand/water thing was a genuine sensory issue, he wouldn't be playing so happily at the beach. I think it may be more a dislike of the way you feel soggy when something spills over you and a general desire to be in control of your own body. It certainly doesn't chime with the vivid descriptions that Amber gives of sensory differences.

Can anyone help me with this? I don't mind if I'm wrong, but I suspect that the assessor ought to be barking up some other trees with this little lad. I think he does have some sensory issues in the visual field, for instance, as he darts his eyes to the side when he runs sometimes.

thanks!

No, do you think I'd find it useful, what with the eye flicking and whatever?

I'm meeting nursery this week so maybe I'll let them know that it isn't sand/water per se he dislikes. I suspect he's been flicked or splashed and left wet or perhaps been forced to wear an apron.

I've been lent a copy of More Than Words and it has a few pages on sensory preferences. I can honestly say that DS1 checks equal amounts of over and under sensitive in the categories listed and doesn't neatly fit in any particular box. That's my boy . So I don't think he has any major sensory issues atm and it is just him being well him.

I think your son has a valid point Tclanger, shaving foam is a lot of fun but possibly not for the person who gets to clean it up

We're allegedly having an OT appt before June so it will be interesting to see what comes of it.

Oh tclanger, I had to laugh at your son's antics, even if it can't have been a lot of fun for you!

Lingle, hmm, if a child loves the beach and waves, then I can't think sand and water are Big Things for them. Maybe the setting is the problem, rather than the items he's playing with? On a beach there's loads of personal space. Around a sand tray there's lots of social interaction and people mucking up the patterns we're creating, which can be very difficult?

thanks Amber and T, that's very helpful.

Yes, I think it's the setting. People doing things to your clothes (rolling up sleeves/aprons), complex pretend play,competing for boats, sand in eyes and, worst of all, soggy sleeves/tummy when you don't know how to ask for a dry top .

Because of his receptive language issues, the poor thing doesn't yet understand why people make him wear different kinds of clothes...."because" concepts are not really part of his receptive vocabulary..... hopefully by the time he's 4 I'll be able to explain things more.....

We had a successful trip to the USA with no real tantrums (a few screaming protests each day but most of us on this forum know the difference between that and a true meltdown even if my disapproving FIL doesn't)and I was very proud of him. The episodes of tears/crossness/fear/screaming in public that we did have were all connected to having to remove or adapt his clothing or other things directly touching his body. It took 10 minutes' persuasion to get him to wear a t-shirt, he cried bitterly at sending his shoes through the security tunnel, and I didn't even attempt sandals or shorts. And I forgot his toothbrush/toothpaste which caused hassle.But no problems with flights/different houses/different cars/different car seats/amusement parks, etc.

DS1 needs a lot of warning for change and gets very upset if someone rolls his sleeves up etc without due warning (preferable the person demonstrates on themself first). At home I would put one arm in water without the sleeve rolled up then do the "oh no what's happened here, hmmm I should roll it up like this (with the other arm), oh that's better etc"

With clothes I have sacrificed one pair of trousers, one t-shirt, and one coat. Its a bit of a mad system but when I want him to get dressed I use the absolute no-no item vs a preferred item.

It will teach me to say he doesn't have any majory sensory issues going on as he was distraught about going to preschool this morning as its too noisy