What can I do to have fun with my daughter ?

[mummyloveslucy]

She is 4 years old and has verbal dyspraxia and an auditory processing diorder.
When ever I take her out for a fun day out we both end up so stressed out.
If I take her to the local country park, she runs off and refuses to follow us. We've tried hiding so she thinks we've gone but she dosn't care. She is very sociable and would chat and go with anyone so we have to be very carefull. If I take her shopping, she runs off, or lays on the floor refusing to move. She still has tantrums if she can't have something she wants.
We took her to an aquarium yesterday and again she kept running off, didn't understand much of what I was saying and was generally being very defiant.
She always used to be so good. She was the most placid baby and is a very loving friendly little girl but very frustrated at the moment and being very demanding wherever we go. She's at her best at home, when it's just us. My Husband has said that it's no longer fun or relaxing to take her anywhere.
I'd be really greatfull for any tips on how to deal with her behaviour, I've considered reigns for her. If you have any sugestions for us to have a fun day out with her I'd be greatfull.

Gosh I could have written that (except I have a ds not dd). My DH has said the same thing. It gets very hard taking our ds2 out anywhere, and a lot of the time just doesn't seem to be worth the hassle.

The only way we can take ds2 out without him running off is to either use his major, or use his reins (he has a littlelife backpack) which even then causes tantrums and melt downs. If we do allow him to walk, we use him having to go back in the major or having his reins held again, which sometimes works, depending on how defient he is feeling. We simply say "pram" or "packpack", and if he says no, we then say "walk" which he does do.

Would she understand any of this? Maybe a social story before you take her anywhere?

Does she have any siblings at all, as sometimes ds2 will hold ds1's hand if he wants to walk.

Hi, no she is an only child. We are TTc at the moment but it does seem like ba timming because of her behaviour.
She has a pushchair but she's far too big for it really. She is physically fit so I don't want to buy a bigger one.
I'm going to buy one of those back packs. Are they strong? as she'll probubly object to it at first.

She has started to say she dosn't want to go to nursery, which is strange as she enjoys it when she's there. I think she finds it very difficult to understand the teacher when there is background noise. There are only 15 in her class at the moment but I worry about what will happen when there are 30.

Have you tried getting your HV to apply for a SN pushchair from wheelchair services? They are usually maclaren Majors and free.

The littlelife backpack is quite big, it has adjustable straps so would fit most kids til about 6ish I would say. My ds2 is 3, but is really tall, looks 4. The strap at the top of the backpack is great as you can grab it when wanting to keep your dd close, or the parent strap here to give her more freedom. I often hook the parent strap through my arm, or even on my ds3's pram handle. DS2 likes to keep a hold of the parent strap when he is allowed to walk by himself, kind of lets him know that he has to walk otherwise I will take it.

Have you tried talking to the school about her not wanting to go? Maybe they can give her a bit one on one (if she isn'talready getting it) away from the noise?

take her to a huuuuuge safe field and run riot with her- should burn off plenty of excess energy and give you both plenty of exercise. take a drink and a sandwich if the weather is good and turn it into a little picnic.

sounds a bit like my son. although i am not proffessional it sounds like she has sensory issues. My sons sitting and not moving is caused by proprioception, vestibular, auditory and visual issues as part of his sensory processing disorder. Ways to try and tackle this could be a weigted backpack to keep her grounded. Headphones or mp3 to help the auditory. Deep pressure to keep her calm. We still haven't got the balance right for my son as he is severly tactile defensive, so he won't wear headphones or the backpack and can't touch him to give him pressure. He has blue lens and yellow lens glasses to help with the visual however he won't wear these either. Sorry I haven't been much use.

Hello mummll, my ds was/can be (I never know if he might go back to the same behaviour) like this.

my advice is to keep taking your dd out, try just short trips, to a nearby park, somewhere you can retreat quickly from if it is not working, keep going regularly, every day if you can. Lots of praise for walking nicely, any hand holding. I would also give my ds tiny treats i.e one choc raisin when I was trying to keep him close, (this won't always work) or had a toy that would distract bring him back to me.

Bubbles can be good for the park, something your dd will want to be close to you for, and share with you, so you are in control too, no bubbles if she runs away.

I also take ds to choose a magazine, weekly, he loves this and it is good if we are somewhere with toys, and I am trying to avoid the toy meltdown/tantrum. We usually get the magazine and go to a cafe, then he is happy and has something to entertain him in the cafe. He now enjoys going to the cafe with us and it is much less stressful.

Being consistent, telling your dd where you are going next (keep language simple) and what you are going to do there. I also only went to small shops with ds, avoided big supermarkets where he had lots of space to run, as much as possible.

I hope some of this helps, you have my sympathy, I still struggle in shops with ds, but he has got so much better in the last year, he is nearly 5.

Hi there mummyloveslucy,
I could have written your post, your dd sounds so much like my ds. He is also 4.
THe only difference is that he is also very difficult at home at the moment. Always on the go, a little hyperactive.

The only advice I can give you is to keep taking your dd out. Please don't stop doing it. I know it is really hard, but the more you take her out the more used to it she gets. DS is much better now, up until a few months we always had to have a pushchair with us incase of a tantrum and running off. Now we hardly need one.

We did exactly what aefondkiss suggests, I would take him everyday for short walks, or short (very short) trips to the shop, and reward him for being good. He really is so much better now. His behaviour is not yet perfect by any means but at least now I don't dread it everytime we go out.

Thanks everyone for all your advice. That's really helpfull.
I don't think they would give her a Majour as she is physically fit and capable of walking for miles. (That's the problem) I would really like one though for when we go shopping in the city.
The bubbles are a great idea as she loves them.
I will keep taking her out for short sessions every day.