Has anyone had any training in dealing with meltdowns

[alfiemama]

Just as the title says really.

My ds (asd) is having horrendous aggressive meltdowns at the moment, went to the NAS meeting last night and he had 3 whilst we were there and they were biggy's.

I kind of understand how they come about, but really want to know, what do I do.
Ignore? cuddle and comfort him? naughty step? (really dont think this is an option)

Please come and tell me how you deal with your meltdowns and will they give us training as we are getting desperate. The paed said she would put someone in touch with us, anyone know who that might be?

A meltdown/shutdown is our way of saying "arrghhh, I can't cope with this any more - I can't think, I can't handle the pain, someone please help me". Ignoring it or punishing it is definitely not helpful.
Cuddling can be more overload to add to the overload that's caused it in the first place.

Best thing is to work out what triggers it, e.g. big social meetings in the evening where we're already exhausted beyond words and can't handle any more social stuff. Then avoid those things. If they can't be avoided, plan it carefully in advance. Meeting rooms often have flickering fluroescent lights, echoey spaces, everyone talking at once which sounds like the sort of noise level of an aircraft taking off. Your brains can just filter it all out. Ours get every bit of it at once, like opening your front door and being hit with an avalanche of messages and post a mile high.

What does the venue for a meeting look like? Can we see pictures of it in advance?
What will happen when?
When will it start and end?
Where is the safe space for us to be if we need a quiet corner?
Can we bring a favourite thing?
Can we wrap ourselves in something as a way to calm down?
Do people know not to make eye contact or touch us if we start overloading (unless it's a safety requirement).

Any of that may really help.

Hi Amber

Thank you as always your insight in invaluable.

The meeting is at a soft play area, where the children are supposed to play and the parents meant to mingle. It is very noisy, and well to be honest stresses me out never mind Alfie lol.

Alfie was actually quite sociable, I could take him to play areas (this took a lot of work as he used to hate them and would head bang) before I knew what was wrong I would really make sure that we went and I think my persistence paid off, even though now I feel bad that I put him through it, I do think it helped with the social aspect. However since he had that little fit, he has become worse and now doesnt seem to be able to tolerate the things that he did.

If he was having a meltdown at home, what is the best way of dealing with this?, if too much contact is too much, would you have maybe a quiet room just for him, soft cushions, fluffy blankets etc. It just if I was to take him out of the room he would go worse.

We have a play room, but I am not thinking that all the toys in there wouldnt be ideal either.

Meltdowns at home? Any quiet darkish corner will do. Little light, sound, socialisation. Something to put heavy pressure all round him e.g. a blanket or duvet to wrap himself in. If he can reason his way into that safe space so it's not a surprise to be taken from one place to somewhere he wasn't expecting, it'll probably help. We tend to want to hide in/under things as it's one way to try to block out the noise. I wonder about one of those pop-up cheap tents with a few blankets or cushions of his choice in there?

Put me in a big social gathering and I struggle to cope, even as an adult who has to 'put on a good show' for business and charity things. Put me in a quiet field with just the birds to listen to, or in a quiet bedroom with a duvet to wrap myself in, and it's heavenly.

Even in most cities, there is SUCH a lot of noise. Aircraft overhead, traffic passing by, noise from neighbours, the fridge and freezer motors, the boiler operating, the tv or radio. Just stop even in a quiet room and close your eyes and listen really closely to what you can hear. We can hear far, far more.

Thanks Amber, you make it all so clear. He is very noise sensitive, has to have music on in the car, doesnt like unusual noise and does seem to be able to hear things that we dont.
I think the tent is a fantastic idea and I think something he will go for. Ill let you know how we get on, by the way youve probably just helped every family on here

I doubt I have helped more than a handful - all I can really do is say how it is for me and apply it to what I read and hear from others on the spectrum. But each child is different so what works in some cases may not for others. A range of people replying is always a good plan, but thank you for your kind comments.

I have seen an egg chair from ikea looks good, as it folds down for them to escape

cgi.ebay.co.uk/Ikea-Egg-Chair-Good-Condition_W0QQitemZ180330136011QQcmdZViewItemQQptZUK_HG_ChildFurn itureRL?hash=item180330136011&trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1686%7C66%3A2%7C65%3A12%7C39%3A1% 7C240%3A1318

ps your too modest

You've helped this family numerous times amber . I would secoond the blanket idea. In meltdown we give DS his own space with a weighted blanket. He will often sit quietly with this or alternatively he likes to roll about in bean bags.
We have a pop up tent for the garden - he loves it but I have never thought of using it indoors. Another great idea.

Ambers post is really helpful!
If ds has a meltdown when out, I usually try to get him out of the situation at least temporally. I don't give in to his demands but get out to get him calm and more able to listen/ think/ be reasonable/ apologise. And also I cope better away from critical ears and eyes! Ignoring makes him worse. Touching is dangerous (he may hit out a risk I have to take sometimes)! He likes me close at hand and I try to stay warm and calm. When he is ready he usually hugs me. Ds likes to give hard bone crusher hugs! I expect an apology if unacceptable behaviour has occurred but wait for him to be ready. Benches are useful places to sit and wait for calm!. Gardens (or garden departments) are useful too. If out with the car, the car seat in a moving car will usually provide the sanctuary he needs. If the noise is unbearable for me I wait outside, sat on the bonnet.
Ds likes to sit on the sofa curled up in a blanket if at home ( he does this after school most days just to chill). At grannies he squishes behind an arm chair he is fond of, or rocks in the rocking chair.

PS The NAS run help2 workshops including one on anger management which might be helpful. It does not deal specifically with meltdowns - more works towards reducing them before they happen!HTH

There is some good advice coming thanks.
What would you do initially though, say for example Alfie has having a melton, he does one thing I have spotted to cue a meltdown he puts one hand to the side of his face and bends his head (god knows why) then he screams and yells, runs all over, shaking aggressively etc. would you walk away, or sit down, try to hold him, he is literally bouncing off the walls at the moment. I tried tonight to tell him to he could go and sit with a furry cushion but it was no good, he just doesnt understand.

Ooh magso, thats what I need, thanks I will ring the lady I know and ask her.

Alfiemama, words are often difficult for us to understand compared to pictures. I'd try to make sure he was absolutely safe, had good access to a quiet corner with the blanket or whatever might work for him to calm down with, and stay very quiet and very 'low-impact' - no talking, no eye contact, no sudden movements unless a safety thing.

Maybe have a picture system when he's calmed down so that you can talk to him about what the pictures mean e.g. "this one is a picture of the quiet corner - when you're upset, you can go there". And then when he's close to overload, show the picture quietly, with no eye contact. If you must hug him, do it through a duvet or coat or whatever thick cover is to hand to even out the pressure on him.

Definitely a good idea to get help from the local charities - they often have a lot to offer.

Thanks Amber, again really good ideas, I like the picture card idea, as when he is going through a meltdown there is no talking to him. I will give that a go, hopefully not too soon though.