Can't seem to do right for doing wrong with DD!

[sadnog]

My DD complained all day yesterday that the buttons on the adjustable waist in her jeans were hurting her. She doesn't need the adjustable waist so I told her I would cut the buttons off and that should make it better. She was happy with that idea so this morning I did just that. When I gave her the jeans back she began shouting at me and threw the jeans back at me telling me "you've ruined them now!". This is becoming a regular thing with DD, she'll ask for something to be done and when you do it, it's not right! I feel like banging my head against a brick wall, I can't win because if I don't do what she is asking she has a meltdown and if I do do it, that's wrong too! Damned if I do and damned if I don't! Anyone else have these problems?

Yes. DD is younger and so slightly more "developmentally appropriate" for her but it's VERY frustrating. No idea of "consequence". Very hard. The only thing that works with DD is to make it VERY clear what you are going to do, and if possible have her watching while you do it to make sure that she's OK with it.
Your poor DD doesn't have an easy time of things does she? (And you likewise by association!) Not much useful advise but sending hugs anyway.

Thanks BD. Things aren't easy and although I try to remind myself that she can't help alot of her behaviour I do sometimes go into 'she's just being a complete pain in the arse' mode and lose control. She's going through alot lately, seeing lots of different specialists at school due to her statement application and finding the whole school thing "very hard". Also saw the community paed last week who is now veering toward ASD indications and talking about CASBAT assessment. On a good day she is so lovely, full of hugs and a happy little soul but on a bad day it's like someone turned the evil switch on! She's a real Jekyll and Hyde.

I found getting a Dx of autism actually helped me understand ds a lot. Most I had already worked out - that he really cannot see things from another persons point of view, that he cannot read faces, he doesn't understand the differences in addressing adults and children, he cannot switch off annoying sensations or put up with things just to be polite. He needs to control his enviroment and feel in charge. He is unable to be flexible. But I felt I was failing because he was not learning social niceties (like controling emotions) how ever hard I tried.
Getting the Dx took some of the fear and stress out which helps us all relax.
Hope you have a good afternoon!

Oh, Sadnog, I could have written your posts!
Are you talking about my dd??

She is also still going through a possible ASD dx and has SPD, dyspraxia and other issues.
She insists on all labels being cut out of her clothes, then has frequent meltdowns because I haven't cut them out right/they are more itchy/I havemade it worse. I agree with BD that it's worth telling her exactly what I will be doing and how I will be doing it.

We also have the Jekyll and Hyde behaviour. Usually, I know what kind of day she will have as soon as she opens her eyes. If she flings her covers back in a strop and starts complaining she is hot/cold/tired I know it's going to behell on earthdifficult.

As you say, it's hard for them when they are doing the rounds of appointments;etc, so we make allowances -but we are only human.
I have never sworn under my breath or in my head as much as I have this past year.

Keep your chin up

Thanks Magso, Sibling.

Sibling, I know what you mean about the morning thing. If DD can get dressed without having a meltdown it's a good sign that the day will be OK, although that can change if she has a bad day at school!

Magso, I know that getting a dx for DD won't change who she is, but as you say, I am hoping it will help me understand her better and develop new strategies to cope with the meltdowns, as to be honest I don't cope too well at the moment .

At the moment everything seems to be that little bit harder as my stress levels are very high. DP made redundant just before Xmas and although he has found another job his salary his half what it used to be. I only work part time around school hours. My shitbox on 4 wheels, sorry car, has just failed MOT and cost me nearly £200!! Sorry going off on a bit of a rant now!

I feel so guilty as we get DLA for DD which before DP was made redundant was put to good use for DD, but now it's getting swallowed up with just living from day to day! I feel as if I'm stealing from her .