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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Parents-is it normal to feel sadness/guilt/depression?

40 replies

webstermum · 09/02/2009 14:11

Is it normal to feel this way if you have an SN child? It doesn't mean I love him any less than my NT ds but it's just so hard. I feel so down all the time. I'm not saying it's his fault but everything is such a struggle and I just end up feeling all the time.

OP posts:

mm22bys · 10/02/2009 09:13

I feel very down too, and I personally don't like the Holland poem, but understand that some do get a lot of comfort from it. That's fine...

My life since DS2 was born has been appointment after appointment, test after test, therapy session after therapy session. We have something every day this week, 3 out of 5 days next week and I just found out I have to take him to GOS on Monday for a skin biopsy.

I really feel like I cannot take anymore....I just want to enjoy my baby, have fun with him, take him to normal things - he didn't even like the snow last week, it was too cold and lumpy for him....

FlorenceAndtheWashingMachine · 10/02/2009 09:32

I think that the main problem with the Holland poem is that it implies that life is different, but it is still enjoyable in many ways. I didn't really enjoy my life up until around my DD2's third birthday as it was just so hard and a slog every day.

mm22bys, my DD2's babyhood was very similar. I am extremely lucky in that her health has improved, but I still feel exhausted from the first couple of years which were very full on. I now get breaks between her bouts of ill health, so I can store up some energy.

Do you get any time to yourself at all? I was in the position (and still am to some extent) where I am the main carer and the only one that knows DD2's unique little body really well, so I don't weant to leave her overnight and so on. However, when I feel truly exhausted I MAKE myself go for a massage etc. Even an hour off can do the power of good.

2shoesformyvalentine · 10/02/2009 11:10

can the op email me on [email protected] so i can send you an invite to ttr

Original poster

webstermum · 10/02/2009 11:59

Thanks Amber for allowing me to get inside your head. I think the hug through the duvet sounds worth a try. We have a friend who is an OT and good on sensory stuff so will have a chat with her.

Have been to the docs this morning & he thinks I'm clinically depressed. I feel so useless & like I'm letting evryone down. He's going to get me some help but will take 4-5 months. Suggested ADs in the meantime but i dont want to go down that road....

OP posts:

5inthebed · 10/02/2009 12:05

Webstersmum, I think the AD are a good idea, especially if the wait for help is so long. Take them as a temp measure, they might help, even if just a little bit. There is no shame in taking them.

And good for you for going to the docs. The first step is admitting to someone in RL how you feel. A problem shared is a problem halved......

jabberwocky · 10/02/2009 14:17

Please don't feel that way about ADs. I have been on them since ds1 was born (lots of birth trauma issues) and they were literally a lifesaver. I have come to a point of acceptance that the chemistry in my body has changed and it has to be rebalanced with ADs. No different really from the fact that I have to take thyroid medication every day for the rest of my life.

Give it a try. It may make a world of difference to you.

anniebear · 10/02/2009 16:52

jabberwocky

you dont need to apologise, I think it depends on what special needs everyone's child has as to whether the poem applies to them or not

No offence was meant and Im sure none was taken

My portage worker had that poem for me each week in her bag and just was waiting for the 'right time' to give it me

I thought it was beautiful , but then my child is doing quite well considering!

Shells · 10/02/2009 17:43

"at basic level some days i just want to be mum not his therapist"

this is totally how I feel.

jabberwocky · 11/02/2009 02:59

Thanks anniebear

Original poster

webstermum · 11/02/2009 08:39

Thanks jabberwocky am thinking it over. No apology needed btw, the poem didn't do it for me either but we're all different. Hell if we took offence at everything that comes our way we'd all be in the loony bin

OP posts:

siblingrivalry · 11/02/2009 08:58

Webstermum, you are definitely not alone in the way you feel. I also have periods of feeling completely helpless and depressed. I sometimes think that I would like just one day when dd1 doesn't need constant support, reassurance and encouragement

Then I feel guilty about feeling that way. But we are only human. I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Take care.

feelingbetter · 11/02/2009 13:36

Yes, completely normal. I get heartily sick of being nurse, therpaist and advocate - constant appointments piss me off - so does the bloody bad news that goes with them.

Just one day of being Mum, with no worries and lots of fun. It really isn't much to ask, is it?

Tclanger · 11/02/2009 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

webstermum · 12/02/2009 09:10

Tis a comfort to know i am not alone in feeling like this. Thanks for the link Tclanger, lots of good info there. Am feeling better today
Happened to be in school yesterday & DS2's teacher asked to see me - turns out he had a total meltdown in class yesterday over nothing. Now feeling guilty as have been so absorbed with myself & DS1 lately have neglected my NT dc who has been crying out for help When will I ever get this right??? This is the very reason why I need to sort myself out so I can do better by them both

OP posts:

LGoodLife · 12/02/2009 13:55

Do any of you get respite? does it help pretend to be a "normal" person?

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