Does the being left out ever get easier?

[Flamesparrow]

I don't know if it is the AS making friendships hard, or just DD, but the last few weeks it is becoming more and more apparent seeing her classmates going round to each other's houses to play, and it never being her.

We have had a couple round here but she is never invited there.

Reading the AIBU about not wanting play dates is just making it even more apparent to me

I just want the other children to like my baby

I wish I had a brilliant fast easy answer to this. It's horrible. It's not a pleasant experience for you, or for us as the people who are left out.

Do the children know that your dd is AS, and have the school/whatever done some awareness-raising with the children to explain about friendships and ASDs? It might not be something you or she want, but it's a thought?

Other than that, does your dd have a hobby or interest which she can attend as a practical way to get to know others? So often it's easier if there is a shared task rather than a girly party or social event?

Other than that, it took me a long long time to know how to make and keep friends. It's an art and a science, and she can start to learn the rules for it. Is there an ASD group locally which can help with social skills and friendship skills?

I know, this seems like a list of other exhausting things when what you actually probably wanted was a cup of tea and hug from someone. Sorry about that

She needs that 1 person in 50 who thinks like her or has enough social grace to see her for the lovely person she is. They're out there. Honest, they are. It just takes some cunning plans to find them, sometimes.

I think it doesn't matter whether she is invited to someone else's house if people are prepared to come and play at your house.

In my experience,I think having children round to your house to play can be much more comfortable for your child. My son has never liked going alone to other people's houses but loves friends coming here. Is your child happy just to go to other people's houses alone? Would she not find that unnerving?

I keep an open house. My son can invite whoever he wants home and I don't care how many times people come or whether he is invited back. I don't keep a score. As long as my child is having fun, then that is all that matters.

Also, I know that some mums just don't like or do the 'tea/play' date thing very much. Some people find it an effort or a chore or even daunting. There's reallyt no use reading too much into it. Sometimes children like to play with other children more or sometimes mums like each other and get together more often. That's life.

Just set your own agenda and teach your child that welcoming people into their own home.

Mums often get angst ridden about these things whatever their child's situation so I'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with AS. There's no point creating crosses to carry. Ask your daughter who'd she'd like to invite for tea and take it from there.

Flame ~ my dd is 9 and has AS. She never really gets invited tbh and that's why I am pushing for a more specialist school for high school. She does have friends who come over and if I am totally honest it is better for her and me. I think I'd be a nervous wreck leaving her with anyone else. I am really lucky that dd does a lot socially and she goes to special needs cubs and has been on a sleep over and is camping next week so I am hoping all these things will help dd not feel so left out iykwim.
What happens tbh without trying to upset you is the gap does get wider and especially now at 9 I can see my dd struggle so hard to converse with the other girls but they are leagues ahead of her

Blossomhill, I agree with you my DD is 8.10 in year 4 with learning difficulties. I have certainly noticed the gap getting wider this school year. DD is very popular with the other kids and they all fuss over her but she never gets invited to play anywhere. We've had several of her 'friends' to our house to play but the invite never seems to get returned! It's heartbreaking. Fortunately DD has a little friend who lives a few doors down from us (she is only 3) but DD loves to play with her and I'm happy if she's happy . I think it's something you just have to accept and try to get your child socialising in other ways. I have just got in touch with a special needs group in my area who run playschemes etc, am taking DD along to a session to see if she enjoys it.