4-year old expelled from Reception for biting - 3 weeks after starting school.

[brette]

Hello,

I posted this very long message (sorry) on the Behaviour thread but was advised to post it here, that some lovely people would give priceless advice .

My son is 4 and started reception 3 weeks ago after 12 months in nursery. In nursery, he had trouble settling in but after a while and a lot of patience and encouragement from the dedicated staff, settled in very nicely... with the occasional to frequent bitings. Never in a "malicious" offensive way, more as a "defence"/compulsive/impulsive way when his space is being invaded. Very hard and stressful for everyone involved (the bitten, the biter, all parents...) But they got it under control after a lot of praising and generally speaking a gentle and psychological approach. He still has to be assessed to see if there's anything related to sensorial issues.
He's the youngest of the class, loves school and is extremely bright. He can read in two languages, counts up to thousands (I think, I never sat long enough ;), can spell on the computer, loves music and recognises every instrument by ear, loves Frank Zappa , is full of joy, very smiling... but he bites when really frustrated. He works much better in smaller group, can be overwhelmed in big groups of kids in small places. But once he's comfortable, he's very helpful, engaging and warm.
An Early Intervention team got involved, he was observed, the conclusion was there wasn't anything "wrong" with him, many reports were written and before he went to Reception, we had a meeting with the new school child therapist, the Early Year Intervention team therapist, the nursery staff, etc... so that the transition to school would be smooth.

First day at school, the headteacher tells me: "I understand your son has special needs" ...
Second day at school, the teacher tells me: "He bit a child today, is it something he's done before?" I told her nicely to read the report we had taken so much time to make specially for her...
Two weeks later, he bit a child and the child bled. Very shocking and inacceptable. The head called me and asked me to collect him to "punish" him and as he was a danger to other kids. On collecting him, I saw the child therapist of the school who admitted they hadn't been any communication of reports between the nursery and the school. That she had just spoken to the nursery therapist and that she had a better picture of the situation. I said I was surprised they didn't get any of the reports since their whole point was to avoid this very confusion...
And now all the head is telling me is "This behaviour has to stop..." Err, we all agree on that, if we knew how to, we would...

Any ideas, strategies to follow????

Hi, thank you Yes, some people are quite insensitive and it makes the whole thing even more stressful. But then there are also a lot of nice answers and I am an optimistic kind of person so...
He should be assessed for sensorial issues in March. I am very much looking forward to it.

I have heard of this book too. I am not a mum with a special needs child so please excuse me for posting here but wanted to see what different advice you were being given here as I think the perspectives are very important.

I was recommneded this book for my dd1 who seemed out of sync - many long and detailed reasons and she is basically ok now. Is it a good read?

Hi i am sorry to hear of your troubles i agree with Tclanger the parent partnership are a good organisation to have. They helped me greatly with my Ds who is now 9. He was on the verge of exclusion when he was in reception class due to inappropriate behavioue even though i was crying out for help that there was something wrong no one listned until the parent partnership gor involved. They took my son out of school and he went to a nurture group for 2 terms (the maximum time they can have them) to nurture him back to manistream school. Within this time i got a lot of help as parent partnership put me in touch and helped with me with referrals to ~CAHMs in which when my Ds was 6 years old he got diagnosed with ADHD i still have a support worker from parent partnership who comes for home visits when times are bad to offer support and strategies and be supportive and attend meetings with me. my son now goes to a PRU school (pupil referal unit) as when he was reinstated back to mainstream school he couldnt handle the size of the class. He is now in the process of being reinstated to his 3rd mainstream school he only goes 1 morning a week and will be gradually increased the school he will be attending have been brilliant and have employed his own sna for him. I hope things work out and that you get the right support for your DS as you and him deserve.
The school need to look into putting your son on a IBP or IEP and offer positive stratergies and rewards to encourage your son.

I'm sorry for the negative comments you received. If it's any consolation my completely "typical" younger sister was a habitual biter (ouch) until she was nearly 7.

Thanks for the tip, Tclanger.

Bullet123 I love to hear these kinds of comments IFYWIM about fully balanced adults/children who used to be biters. Because I know my child is not at all malicious, and it pains me to see the reactions of people so quick to label him as a "danger" to others, who need to be "protected" from him as if he was a psychopath in the making. I can understand where they're coming from but it is so not helpful. It is such a sensitive issue.

Hi brette,
sorry I haven't read the other thread yet.

I'm so sorry to hear you're in this situation.

My son didn't bite but he retaliated whenever he felt his space invaded, despite the fact he was quite capable of invading others.
I explaned to ds about personal space, and explained that sometimes we all accidentally step in. At home we tried to all learn to respect other people space and we thought arm length was enough and easy to measure. Once ds learnt to gauge the distance ( it didn't take long) he was also able to apply it at school. If someone stepped in, he could move back, sideways. We made the teacher aware of this system and she was also able to apply it in school (line ups,sitting on the carpet, chair distance for ds, etc).

Unfortunately, it so common for reports to go unread. I learnt to recap everything in reports and previous meetings in anyone meeting, so that we may achieve something in the one in progress.

I'm very unhappy that the school has asked you to pick up your ds to 'punish' him. This is a clear indication that the school is unable to cope. Has the school put in writing about his exclusion? If they haven't, they're acting illegaly. Although 'danger to others' is a legal reason for exclusion. Below I've posted some legal information. ds 1st school regularly asked be to pick him- little did I know about his rights!

BW

EIA 2006
3.6.3 Any lawful use of sanctions must be reasonable and proportionate to the circumstances of the case. In particular, the Act requires that account be taken of the pupil's age, any special educational needs, any disability and any religious requirements affecting the pupil.

and

Unofficial exclusions

27. If a head teacher / teacher in charge is satisfied that, on the balance of probabilities, a pupil has committed a disciplinary offence and needs to be removed from the school site for that reason, formal exclusion is the only legal method of removal. Informal or unofficial exclusions are illegal regardless of whether they are done with the agreement of parents or carers.

28. Where a pupil is sent home for disciplinary reasons for part of a school day, some head teachers have viewed this as a 'cooling off' period, and have not taken action to exclude the pupil formally. There is no basis in law for this. The relevant regulations do not state a minimum length of exclusion. If pupils are sent home in response to a breach of discipline, even for short periods of time, this must be formally recorded as an exclusion.

29. In every instance where a pupil is sent home for disciplinary reasons, head teachers/teachers in charge must formally record and specify the length of the exclusion (for reporting purposes this should be recorded as a half day, whole day or lunchtime). They should ensure that:

they are meeting their legal duty of care towards pupils, and that parents are formally notified of the exclusion;
child protection issues are taken into account e.g. bearing in mind the child's age and vulnerability, that a parent/carer is at home and the child is not placed at risk by, for example, being left to wander the streets; and
that work is sent home or alternative provision is arranged.

d

My son was also excluded in his first term at school for scratching another child (he tried to close the mouth of a child shouting 'stupid' at him and hurt the child). I too felt mortified ( it is a horrible situation)- but also total despair and anger at the poor management. The school had not read the nursery paperwork either ( my talks had been with the previous ht)and wanted ds to just behave like the other children (He actually had very little language and general delays - so was clearly not the same!). Parents can only do so much when the child is in someone else's care.

I have heard of people writing guidelines (a passport) to guide staff into how to handle situations to avoid difficulties. Ds also had difficulties when in close proximity to others and was given a mat (carpet sample) to sit on during circle time to define his space. He could not handle the rough and tumble of the playground ( I think he could not tell between real threats and general noise)
If the school failed to read the reports and act on practices that worked at nursery, they have been negligent - to both the injured child and yours.