Those who have DC in MS, is this normal or am I being a tad sensitive?

[5inthebed]

My ds2 (3.6 and autistic) attends a SN nursery, and loves it, but I also wanted him to have some interaction with other children at MS school as this is where I (initially) want him to end up at. The nursery is attached to my ds1's school, so I know the staff well.

He has attended two full half day sessions now, today being the second. I drop him off, hand him to the teacher who is looking after him. Last week my mam picked him up and he was sitting seperately from the other kids. He was playing on the indoor slide, and the other kids were sitting on the floor quietly waiting for their parents to collect them. Today DH picked him up, and again he was sitting seperately, being read a book by said teacher.

Is it normal for a SN child to be separated at home time?

I would love him to sit on the mat, I know he would if he were told to. DH doesnt think I have anything to worry about.

My concern is that they don't know what to do with ds2, don't know how to handle him if he has had a melt down so are keeping him seperate fro the other kids

I'm going to speak to them tomorrow, but I don't know if I'm making too much of a fuss?

NO you arenot being sensative, I would ask them if he had been finding hometime particularly difficult, apart from your help have the school had any help & advice from an ASD specialist teacher.
The local sn schools often provide good outreach services to support children in MS schools.

Ask why it's happening.You may find that there's a good reason, or they may think they have to be more 'careful' with him than they do. I sometimes find with DS2 that people who don't know him very well treat him with kid gloves when they don't need to - it's almost as if they're frightened of the autism.

Admittedly, they have only ever had one child with ASD at this school, so not hands on with it.

However, ds2 nursery teacher from SN school (which is specifically for ASD kids) went for his initial visit and offered her help with any questions. She also send in a virtual timetable for him, and has said if they need any more pics, to ask. And she is going back soon for an update.

I just dont know what to think, as I haven't picked him up yet so haven't witnessed it. Last week I had a nightmare about it where he was at the school, but left to his own devices

I didn't think I'd feel like this. Maybe its because he has had such a stable sn nursery, and the MS is obviously not as strict and timetabled iykwim

So much depends on why they are doing this and also what they plan to do to help overcome problems he might be having.

Ds2 used to be prone to meltdowns at carpet time so he would sometimes be allowed to go and sit in the reading corner with the TA. Gradually they introduced strategies to help, eg a cushion to sit on to define personal space, helping him to recognise when he was starting to get angry and taking himself off to a quiet corner.

If your ds is being separated because of what they think might happen then I wouldn't be happy either.

Good luck with finding out. xx

It is possible that your DS wasn't coping with that part of the day.

The going home part of the day is actually quite a long time. In DDs preschool, they have to get all the toys out of the treasure box, then put all the coats on, etc.

Perhaps they thought that it is better that he settles in by being allowed to choose what to do at that time, and then gradually increase that time.

FWIW, I am glad that DDs preschool allow her to be her, and at this time she doesn't cope, so they just tend to discreetly watch what she is doing to ensure she is safe.

I think that it might be worth observing for another few sessions, then approach them.

Does he have an IEP? Does it say anything about carpet time?

My ds would have done exactly the same, would just sit at the far end of where the whole group were sitting. Try to remember that in a pre school they tend to let children do what they want to do. Many ASD children feel very uncomfortable sitting in a group at carpet time and even non autistic children get very restless at this time. He has perhaps seperated himself and theyare honouring his choice. If this is the case I would let it ride as I wouldn't want ds to kick off just as other children were arriving.
But definitely speak to staff to see what their explanation is.

Sorry, I meant just as other parents are arriving

This often happens with ds who has High Functioning Autism. Often pick him up and he is on a computer or listening to stories on head phones while the other kids have a story etc.

I think it is normal tbh. The way I look at it at least they are trying to work with his needs and not force him into situations that he does not yet feel comfortable with.

Dd1 often does her own thing at home time as the others sing goodbye which dd hates (to loud). Now dd has been at nursery for a while she sometimes decides to sit and wait with the others.

I didnt drop or pick ds1 up from school today, so will hav to wait til Monday to ask now. Would have phoned, but the school are useless at getting people on the phone.

Thanks for the insights. I didn't think about the other side of things, and maybe he wasnt being excluded, but more allowed to do as he wants to avoid a meltdown. Or maybe had had a meltdown and had calmed down. But even still, they should at least be telling me this, and not just saying he has had a good day.