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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Help needed - WWYD? - sorry its long.

10 replies

Frasersmum123 · 05/02/2009 10:29

DS has a speech delay and socialisation problems, and I suppose its really dawning on me how behind his peers he is.

DH's Step-Mum offered to put him ina private (mainstream) Nursery one session a week, which he now attends. They all seem to think that it will be the magical solution that will make him suddenly be an outgoing, talkative child. I agreed because (as awful parent as it sounds) I just need a couple of hours break from him.

Now he does cry when he goes, and cries when I pick him up, but they say he is fine while he is there, but he just ignores all the other children completely. He doesnt play wither, just walks up and down all morning (which he does everywhere). This is the same reaction he has whenever we go anywhere new, or anywhere he hasnt been for a while.

I already feel so guilty, and they have offered him another morning session, I just dont know if I should accept it, and whether it would be too much for him? I also feel guilty that as a SAHM I should be able to cope with him and not feel like I need a few hours break.

OP posts:

daisy5678 · 05/02/2009 10:36

Everyone needs a break!Don't feel guilty. He may well settle and it is good for him to socialise with others (or at least to have some contact with others, though I agree that it's not going to be a magic cure)

You will cope BETTER with him if you get some time for yourself too.

I would give it time, say Easter, and see how you feel then. But we all need time for us or we crumble.

claw3 · 05/02/2009 10:46

Frasersmum - Oh dont feel guilty, everyone needs a break

My ds had an awful time of settling in 'big boy' school. Now 4 weeks later, he is fine. Its a big step for any kid, SN's kids just tend to take a little longer to settle.

Could you give it a couple more weeks to see if he settles before you take the other morning, or do they need to know right now?

cyberseraphim · 05/02/2009 11:02

Take the place and the other session !! You must not, repeat, not feel guilty !! Parents need a break regardless of their child's needs. He will settle in, he will adapt. You are right not to expect a miracle transformation and you should make it clear to helpful family members that this is not what is expected - but it's still important for him to experience contact with peers. He may not react outwardly but he will be processing the new experiences.

Seuss · 05/02/2009 11:25

I'd take the extra session - you can always re-asess and drop it if you don't think it's working. Even if he doesn't play with the others it will do him good to get used to a different situation where he hasn't got you to rely on - and the more he goes the more familiar it will seem.

Don't feel guilty about needing a break - I know what you mean about being a SAHM and feeling you should cope but remember you DO cope, which is precisely why you deserve a couple of hours to yourself.

coppertop · 05/02/2009 12:04

Don't feel guilty. Everyone needs a break.

I would go with Seuss' idea of taking the place to see how things go, with the option to drop it later if you don't think things are working out for ds.

FWIW ds1 was a lot like this when he started pre-school and again when he first started school. He spent a lot of time walking round in circles and humming to himself. As time went on he settled in and was able to play alongside other children. When he talks about pre-school now (he's now 8) it's obvious that he enjoyed his time there.

magso · 05/02/2009 12:12

Agree with the others! Caring for an active demanding sn child is exhausting - always on high alert-never daring to relax. A couple of hours here and there to catch your breath/plan therapy/catch up on chores that cannot be done with dc around makes the difference and may allow you to be a even more brilliant parent. I find I am much more able to be innovative and therefore effective in implementing fun ways to do ds therapies (language/fine motor) if I have thinking time!
If ds really is not able to cope with the 2nd session you can re-assess. I had similar worries with my son - some years back now!

slightlycrumpled · 05/02/2009 12:21

I agree with the others! Take the extra session, he may settle better if he is there more often.

Enjoy your few hours to yourself!

If however in a few months time he is still unsettled and you are concerned then maybe think again.

Phoenix4725 · 06/02/2009 08:20

id agree with everyone take the extra session, that bit ofextra time gives you strenth cope with the tough times,also might be worth aking if their senco at the nursery that you can talk with

TotalChaos · 06/02/2009 08:30

take it! aside from the other valid reason, it will probably help him settle if he's going slightly more often anyway. When I signed DS up for private nursery they wouldn't let me only put him in one day a week, I had to have at least 2 sessions.

One thing I would say though - have you checked whether this nursery has experience of kids with language delay etc? Not all nurseries are equal in terms of knowledge/desire to deal with kids with SN. It may be that another private nursery might be better for him.

TotalChaos · 06/02/2009 08:32

also - if you have concerns about his understanding of language, make that crystal clear to the nursery staff - so they realise they have to back up what they do with gestures/visuals etc, and so that they know that if he doesn't do what they say it may well be a language issue rather than a behaviour issue.

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