my 6 year old hfa was not invited to his friend's birthday party today [sad]

[Deeeja]

I know I am used to this by now, but I feel sad and can't stop crying about it. I pick up this child from school and take him home everyday, and my ds considers him to be his friend. When he got home his mother gleefully told me about the party at an adventure centre and 'oh sorry, forgot to invite your ds'.
my boy would have loved it there.
BITCH!
Some other boys in his class will be going, and he will know, and will be upset about it tomorrow.
I feel like telling her I can't collect her ds tomorrow, but then my ds will have even less friends.
These people make me sick, am just fed up with having to deal with their stupidity all the time.

Speak to her! What absolut bad manners! Phone her and say politely 'I'm confused did you invite my Ds or not as you said in our last conversation....Good luck. Don't worry there are some lovely people out there I promise.

Yeah I think incase of confusion you should bring it up just incase she was inviting your ds after all?

The party was last night, and all the boys set off about 15/20 minutes after I dropped her boy off. I collect er son so that my ds has an oppurtunity to form a social relationship with another boy at his school. I don't even drive and walk to the school. The boys chat nicely on the way home and do get on, I love seeing my ds get on with another child from school, last year he was very alone, he has made some progress this year and that is why I tolerate things like being used by ppeople like her. My ds gets alot out of it.
My ds definately was not invited, this is the latest in a catalogue of events and has been going on since nursery.
I am over it now, but will probably speak to her, although she will probably ignore me and send her eldest to answer the door instead when I drop off her boy.
I just feel exhausted by all the effort I make, only to be scuppered by people like her who don't take a moment to consider my ds' feelings. And the repercussions (sp?) for him, this will take him months to get over. He will obssess about it and be continuously upset, remembering it and going over it in his head. He will then think everyone hates him again, and become depressed again.

I'd just turn up at the party. This woman sounds really nasty.

If you are challenged, say "you invited me yesterday" /whenever she told you about this party and said she forgot the paper invite

If further challenged and she says oh that wasn't an invite, I'd say, really these boys lift share all the time and I didn't even consider that he wouldn't be welcome at your party.

sorry x post

I understand your reasons for wanting to continue picking this boys up but I would really think about stopping as if your ds continues to think of him as a friend (which he clearly isn't) this sort of thing will happen again. The boy will have another party or event that your son doesn't get invited to and the hurt will happen again.

I feel so on your behalf though. I rememeber my sister feeling so hurt at being left out of all the parties

Your poor ds.
I'd seriously consider whether the upset of not being invited to this party and clearly being identified as not a friend by this boy and his mum outweighs any social benefit of giving him a lift. It sounds to me like you are doing all the running around and this other mum is taking the piss.

I have just dropped into this while looking at the new MN set-up. Deeeja If nothing else your problem helps us all think hard about how we all must conduct ourselves and we must think of others before opening our mouths. Last year Ds was 4 and we had a huge party as I didn't want to miss anyone out.(My bank balance has not recovered) This is not sustainable every year. My Ds does not have any special needs (touch a lot of wood)But he goes to a new school next year.
If you were writing a book on good school gate manners what would you write.

What will you do when it's your DS's birthday? Will you have a party? Will you invite this other child?

Maybe you should consider this arrangement as a temporary thing for just as long as it takes you to find an alternative playmate for your DS. Then "forget" to collect her little darling. Angry for you. Shame on her!

ohh Deeeja, feel for you. Is there no sensitive mums out there that you and your ds can arrange play times with instead. She doesnt sound as though she has at all thought about your / or ds's feelings. Sorry,I didnt realize the situation you were in. If at all a decent friend to you she definately would not have treated you like that.

Oh, how cruel. What could she have to gain from upsetting you and your ds? I just don't understand people sometimes. It's really unnecessary and I understand your reasons for wanting your ds to socialise with hers, but I'd distance yourself from her if you can. She sounds horrible.

You could confront her and ask why your ds wasn't invited.

Im really sorry - this sounds awful. I think you are being used. But I know your son gets a lot from the social contact. Everyone really should consider the effect they have on other kids!

It all sounds very casual on her behalf, as though she doesn't care about either yours or your ds's feelings. It's a terribly shoddy way to treat people and I think she will do it again whenever there is another party or get-together.

You need to talk to her about it - even if she says the party numbers were limited, she needs to understand just how hurtful her actions have been. Gauge her reaction from your chat and use your instincts to determine whether or not to continue this association (won't use the word friendship).

Can you find any other Mum with a boy your DS's age who you sense is a kind person, even if you dont know her. And just approach her and say "mother to mother, my DS needs a friend, could we arrange some time I think they would really get along"

I know that is really hard to do but I think you need to find your DS a friend with a Mother who will not be a total bitch. She will hold her son back, as she clearly has in this case, from being a true friend to your DS and that is what he needs.

I really feel for you. I really do I would be so hurt if my DS was hurt like this I know you feel his pain probably even more than he does.

I feel for you. You put up woth crap from this mother as your child benefits from the friendship with her son. I would have to say that I would find it hard to be civil to her and would be looking at making new friends for both you and your son.