Another day in the life of Amber

[amber32002]

Amber goes to the Doctors

It?s a reasonably simple thing, going to the doctors to get a repeat prescription, isn?t it. Not if you?re ASD it isn?t.

Thought long and hard about what I needed to say to the receptionist. Phoned the doctors. The receptionist told me that my usual doctor was now working from another site. Panic set in.

I asked if I could transfer to that other site as a patient. The receptionist didn?t know. She said I had to go to the surgery and look on the map to find out if my address was ok for that other doctors surgery site. I asked her why she couldn?t just look, but she kept repeating that I had to go in and look, so I gave up, rather stressed out and confused. I accepted an appointment to see a doctor I haven?t seen before (urk).

Checked several times to make sure I had the right doctor?s name. Turned up at the surgery on time (I have to be on time ? can?t be late or else I panic). Went to the reception desk, and told the lady who I was and who I was there to see. She was also dealing with a colleague who was trying to contact someone in Australia, and started talking to me about area codes for Australian phones. I have no idea at all. This is extremely strange. I hadn?t prepared for that conversation, so now I?m having to improvise and feeling even more stressed.

She gives me a yellow circular disk on which someone has written the word ?orange?. I?m not sure what to make of this either. It isn?t orange, it?s yellow. Goodness me, I?m puzzled.

OK, have to choose somewhere to sit down. So many seats to choose from. Can?t sit right next to someone if there?s other seats further away as that?s Not Done. Ok, chosen one. Phew. Trying not to get eye contact from anyone...

Notice there?s at least four more people to be seen before me, but my appointment time is 11.15 and it?s already 11.15. Oh no, it?s going to be late. More stress. I can feel the need to start tapping my feet or hands but I?d rather not because we're in public. Try counting the floor tiles, Amber...anything to concentrate on...

Eventually (20 minutes later, arrghhh!) the bell goes for my appointment. I now have to find the right room, which has an orange square on the door rather than a yellow circle. Oh well. Really nervous because a door with an orange square doesn't match what I've been given.

In I go, and the doctor asks me to sit down. I explain to her that I need a repeat prescription. All goes extremely well until she decides to ask about holidays. I wasn?t expecting questions about holidays. I have to improvise again. Drat. More stress. Out I go.

Back to the office. I know I need to sort out some faxes, and the next thing I know I?ve got my head on my desk , with my brain just totally cut out. Heck, can?t afford to do that?must carry on?so I take some time to just sit and listen to some music on the headphones for a few minutes.

Thank goodness there?s no other meetings planned for that day.

There's another one somewhere called A Day In the Life of Amber, which might also have one or two handy things on it. Can probably search for it using the Advanced Search thingy at the top. Again, very good contributions on it from Bullet123 as well as others.

Amber at the Chinese Restaurant

The task, to take six people to a restaurant for a meal with one of our best customers.
Hands up all those looking at their ASD child and thinking "You're joking, right?".

Nope. Can be done. I'd recommend 20+ years of practise, but it can be done.

Luckily, I know everyone involved, so there's no need to guess who's who, and I know enough about them to be able to guess some conversation and what they're likely to say. This all helps. Get there, having managed to cross the road without getting knocked down (phew). Wrestle my coat off so they can hang it up somewhere. Try very, very hard not to worry about where they've put it and whether I'll ever see it again. These things worry us, y'know. Have a conversation with a couple of people I know well, but one at a time. Luckily the restaurant is quite quiet and not echoey so I have a chance of hearing them.

On the table, one of those circular things you can spin round to get different foods. Oh dear, this is not a good thing. Now I'm totally fascinated by it, but of course it's Not Done to play with the table spinner thingy, least of all when other people might be wanting to get something off it.

There's two napkins each. Why? A big cloth one, and a small paper one. Er, umm, which do you use. This is extremely distracting...have to force myself to concentrate on what's being said to me.

Ah, chopsticks. For once, obsessional practising could be useful. I spent countless hundreds of hours as a child picking things up with chopsticks. No, I don't know why. I just enjoyed it . I can use chopsticks fairly well. And the other people can't. Not many occasions when I can beat NT folks with a physical skill.

So...conversation. Eek. How DO you know which person's turn it is to speak, and how long to speak for? I watch groups for hours, fascinated, but I'm nowhere close to being able to talk to more than one person at a time. Can't do it at all. Takes quite a bit of thinking about to make sure that I talk to each person in turn so no-one thinks I've ignored them, and most importantly to listen to what they're saying. You've no idea how hard this is, because if I listen and nod, that's using up every brain cell I have for thinking about what I say next. And if I leave a gap so I can think about it properly, someone else speaks and I lose my place in the conversation. And if they've just said something funny it's polite to laugh. It's also not polite to laugh if they've just said something sad. Heavens, it's difficult. I don't want to get it wrong, but it all happens SO fast. Well, fast for me, anyway.

Transferring the food from the serving dishes onto the plates is a challenge, too. That requires me to use my arms and hands in a 3-d sort of way, rather than a tiny task with my arms mostly quite still (like chopsticks) so it's much more difficult to do without dropping something/knocking something over (oops).

Trying very hard not to keep looking at the patterns on the wall decorations. They're fascinating, and every brain cell I have wants to sit and count them. Counting them is not the right thing to do in a meal, though.

Made it to the end of the meal, phew. Remembered to thank the restaurant owner and leave a tip.

The waiter brings us the wrong coats.

Want to see an aspie panic? Bring them the Wrong Coat. Frankly, the band of the Coldstream Guards could walk through the restaurant naked at that point and I wouldn't have noticed because I ws totally transfixed on the Wrong Coats . I'd also forgotten what you say to someone to get them to solve that problem, but luckily the other guests knew. Little unexpected things can derail us totally and utterly.

Got home, delighted that I'd managed it all that well. Sometimes I wonder what restaurant meals in a group are like for other people.

By amber32002 Fri 30-Jan-09 15:16:15 Add a message | Report post quote from amber
"Headfairy, we're a real mixture of age-levels. I can manage a Masters Degree Level conversation on topics I know really well, but put me in a room where there's a sandpit and some colouring crayons and watch me get totally engaged with joining in with the children and having enormous fun just doing something really simple for hours. I can discuss the finer points of business with professionals, but if I'm on a train with them and we're going past a field with sheep in it, I have to really struggle not to shout out "sheep!" and point and get overexcited which is Not A Good Thing To Do hmm grin. In some ways it's like some (not all) of us stop at the emotional/physical skills level of a young child in some respects, but sometimes a child who has an amazing ability with words in some contexts (and not others)."

thats exactly what i use to explain, aspergers aspects to nts,
mental age and physical age dont quite match up
I see mental age as broken into 3 parts
emotional. intelectual. and social.
My intelectual age is higher then the others by a good margin, emotionally mine drags way behind by about 80-90 percent meaning emotionally i range from about 3-6 years, in terms of what the average emotional response is (when i have one) compared to others.

Anyways these glimpses into your lie and how you deal with it is informitive.