DS with AS excluded today

[unfitmother]

DS was sent home with a letter saying he was excluded tomorrow for hitting a child across the face with a ruler.
He said the kid tried to rip up his work and (understandably) he couldn't cope with it.
I'm torn between and

the more i think about and read this thread the more it convinces me that your DS should not have been excluded.

if this had been my DS in mainstream he would have

a, been delighted at a day off and possibly want to do it again to get another day off

b, extremely angry at the injustice of the punishment and focus his emotions and anger towards the other person who had tried to rip up his work

c, his confidence and self esteem would have hit the floor and he would probably have become depressed after the anger would have subsided.

agree with amber there should be a plan in place and this should be in his statement,something along the lines of a quiet place to go to when DS is becoming stressed etc.

at DS school when they spot a child becoming distressed they remove the child from the situation straightaway,a lot of the time they take them for a walk,to burn off the energy, and to calm them down,something so simple like that would be beneficial.

Thanks everyone,
I was too upset to post again last night after moondog's comments;
"I am noticing worrying trend (not suggesting you people btw) to ascribing too much 'bad' behaviour to ASD. Most peopel, with correct instruction can quickly learn what is and isn't accaptable.
When I started work as a salt 15 years ago, there was 1 person in my whole area who had a diagnosis of AS. Now, every other person seems to."

It just really got to me, like they are handing out the diagnosis on the back of cornflake packets. Guess all the school ASD support staff and hapless parents just need to learn how to give "correct intructions"

DS went back today and was greeted my the SENCO who gave him a de-brief and all appears to be well. DH has lost a bit of faith in the school, the SENCO is great but it was the head's decision to exclude without talking to us or DS before or after the event.
I'll just have to hope this was a one off.

The reason we weren't spotting Asperger syndrome years ago is because a) there was no such diagnosis available in most schools until 1994 and b) we had no idea until recently that there were even any standard sensory issues involved, let alone that many girls were affected.

Children just used to be bullied mercilessly for being unable to cope, and that was life. It's why so very, very few adults with an ASD have survived well. There's big drug use, alcohol use, mental health issues, very low employment levels, very few of us in good relationships. We were never spotted, never diagnosed, never helped. And it was hell.

I, for one, am SO glad that we have modern diagnostic techniques that are picking up that one child in a hundred now.

Unfortunately unfitmother exclusion is a slippery slope, well certainly in our experiance it was!
as for moondogs comments....they upset me too but not because of what she said really but the fact that someone who works in this field has so little understanding of our children.
I agree with what everyone has said, the diagnosis process is horrendous, i fought for 2 years to get my son labelled , IME....no diagnosis, no help, no support, worse behaviour, hence we HAD to fight for the DX which is made harder by the fact that proffessionals are aware that many people think DX are handed out like sweets and dont like to 'label' children! TBH what makes our childrens life harder is the lentgh of time it takes to get the DX means the child goes unsupported for longer which means their self esteem and behaviour gets worse!!!! By the time they do get DX they usually have got into such a habit and cycle of behaviour it takes longer to break the cycle and longer to teach them whats accpetable!

Unfit mother...your name is not appropriate! We're not unfit parents, though we can be made to feel like we are and I'm sorry that you were made to feel like that last night and can totally see why.

But it's hard with kids like ours. J's psych said something interesting once about how kids with ASD/ ADHD are labelled by some professionals as bad parents who have CAUSED their kids' problems, when the reality is that kids like ours are very very hard to parent. Obviously we can make mistakes, like any parent, but we are under so much pressure.

Hope it was just a once off and things improve.

Proud Mummy moment - alert!

DS has mentioned a child in his class many times, X clearly has quite severe ASD. He told me today how X had gone into meltdown in class and had thrown a chair. He said if it had hit someone he would have been excluded too. He thought for a second then said "no, it would be different for him as he's got problems".
Bless him, at least he understands there are differing expectations for SN kids even if some of the MNetters on the mainstream boards don't.