Could we have some positive examples of strangers who have said the right thing on meeting our SN child, or nice things that you say to break the ice with SN parents?

[lingle]

We have so many threads on the awful things people say. How about some nice positive examples that people could learn from and so be less afraid to come and be friendly?

I say the wrong or the clumsy thing so very often . And people say it to me too about DS2's language issues. I can only think of one recent example where I got it right. I met Nancy's mum at a party. I could see in her eyes that she was waiting to see the reaction. And when I said the truth which was "I've already met Nancy when I was settling DS2 in to nursery - she's a very musical child isn't she" you could just see how pleased Nancy's mum was, and it really broke the ice between us. It probably helped that I'm musical so Nancy and I had something in common.

The American lady on the beach in Bermuda who came over on the last day of her holiday to say how lovely my daughter was.

moondog. I read that article and cut that line 'life doesnt have to be perfect to be wonderful' out and put it on my fridge...i liked it.

my ds ALWAYS gets coments about his hair (see pi) its uncontrollable but its very him!

I was told by a lady in the waiting room the other day that I was 'without a doubt meant to be my little boys mummy' I wont ever forget that.

We were also in asda the other day when we had to stop and wait to get down in aisle as it was busy. there was a lady stood next to us with a really fluffy fleece on. my son reached out and grabbed her top and started to squeeze and suck it......she was fab and genuinely did not mind that her top was now covered in slobber and asked us over to the side of the aisle so I didnt have to immeadiatly pull ds off!!!

I think the point made by Suess is so true. It can be very easy to get ont the defensive and think people are staring and like when there are very caring and interested people out there.

to be told his kind and beautiful i always talk about helping others less fortuante than us and to be kind to all people and he insists on putting his change and mine in charity tins

they always say alot of people could learn a lot from him so honest and so kind

and a passing comment made my friends cousins children were playing up and always do really badly behaved and it was passed even bubblagirls boy with all his problems would know how to behave properly we never have these troubles with him

I'll never forget the lady, who, when me and my grandparents were on holiday in Rhodes (I was about 7 at the time, not wearing my glasses), came over to us at the end of the day, and said to me, NOT my grandparents, "I'm so sorry, please don't think I'm rude, but are you by chance visually impaired?". When I said yes, and asked how she knew, she told me she worked with visually impaired children so knew all the signs. It was just the way she came across was so kind and inoffensive.

And one that made me lol was one of my lecturers at uni, on me telling him I was visually impaired, after his first lecture:

"Oh I know." he said. I asked how and he said, "No one sits at the front of a lecture without a reason!" It really broke the ice, he's now one of my fave lecturers.

lovely thread, I can't think of anything in particular atm, I love the idea of being old , going around being nice... maybe age will bring that kind of wisdom (not that I am not nice just never seem to think of good things spontaneously)

I liked the line about life not being perfect to be wonderful too.

at the quote in the church about singing.

lourobert your ds's hair is very outrageous! He is very adorable though, his smile is stunning.

Not a stranger but DS's nursery teacher told me that he is full of joy, that really made me smile. Ds gets lots of comments on his hair too - in fact he is often called a girl - but like lourobert's ds it is very him!

DS1 also gets the hair (wild blonde curls); its short atm but he won't klet me cut it again so will be surf dude by summer!

Lou ds1 (yep awake again...!) just said how lovely your ds is and hw lucky you are. (DS1 is baby mad)

LOL at Lollipop's 'No one sits at the front of a lecture without a reason'

The most recent nice comment I had was from my older boys' art teacher (who is also a parent at the school). she said that my two were very creative and she likes the fact that they think outside the box and don't slavishly follow her instructions. It made a very nice change from hearing teachers frustrations at poor concentration etc. I also get comments on hair (older two are redheads) and once an old couple commented on what lovely children we had after sitting near us on a train (my kids seem to behave well when their parents are a captive audience!).
I am developing old ladyish tendencies myself, smiling and saying nice things to parents but I won't go as far as the old lady who said "Ah, loves young dream.." to DH and I when she saw DH put his arm round me in the dairy aisle of Tescos (not long engaged at the time).

Looking at all these, one "theme" is that if someone has observed your child carefully and notices a good point that you yourself know to be true, then that's very very valuable.

Aw thanks to Peachy junior.....I am SO lucky to have my ds, although would sometimes happily swap him at 3 in the morning

I really like the idea of old ladies going round cheering mumks up, and the truth is we will probly all be those nice old ladies one day because we have experienced how much it means.

An old lady once gave my kids some money for sweets for waiting nicely for the bus. Which I thought most people would just expect of young children but she must have seen that this was really good of them.

Also last week I took my 2 sons to pizza hut for lunch and forgot DS1's special plate. This resulted in major melt down, me having to take him outside any EVERYONE looking at the screaming child being manhandled outside. My partner explained to the people on the table nearest to us and appologised for the interuption to their meal. When I brought a calmer boy back in the mum on the other table praised me for how well i had dealt with the situation and how well DS1 was doing in the situation. I was so suprised and really wish more people were like this. It has given me the confidence to take him out for lunch more often (with the plate though next time!!)

when ds was getting very overexcited and loud whilst at the Deep a woman came over and asked me quite bluntly
'how do you cope?'
we had a little chat and she left me saying
'he is a lovely little boy, enjoy him'
It was nice because there were no snide looks or comments just an honest person.

On the flip side when ds was 3 and would not sit in his buggy and was just screeching, am old woman said
'if young mothers can't control kids like that they should be left at home'
I could of lamped her

I had one today - I was leaving the swimming pool with ds and his friend (also SN) and ds' friend veered off to say goodbye to an older guy sat by the doors - the guy didn't bat an eyelid when the friend shook his hand and they both bid each other good day and off we trotted. I like when that happens as ds' friend was just being polite and it shouldn't be awkward just because he has chosen to say good morning to a random stranger. It's like I always feel a bit awkward if ds goes and coochy coos at random babies but most of the time the mums just think it's really cute - which is as it should be.

Seuss, my ds does the Health Visitor act whenever he sees newborns! He asks about teeth, crying, sleeping and grip reflex! Doctor in waiting!

lol that's really clever! I think my ds just likes chubby little cheeks! He gets that look like clucky grannies get.

Aww! Daddy Daycare! How is he with nappies?

Mine is trying to understand the crying for so many different reasons - very confusing for his ASD.

I could hire him out - He's pretty experienced after watching me drag up his little brother and sister! Strangely, he was never too affected by their crying - I think it was because he could see I was dealing with them. He only seems to get really upset if someone is crying and they can't say why or no-one is helping them. Having said that there are times when one starts wailing and it sets of ds1 and then the other starts and I just don't know who to sort out first!

I once sat waiting at the local housing department of my local authority, tryin to sort out my council tax. The security gaurd told my ds that there were people watching him through some hole in the wall. Ds got very distressed and started humming very loudly. The security guard asked what was wrong, and I told him that ds has asd and is distressed about people watching him now. He was most apologetic and was so concerned about my ds, and gave him different coloured pend and lots of paper to draw and write on. He let him have a go on his walkie-talkie, and was so lovely after that.

It breaks my heart to think that there are people who are making life harder for children with special needs and their parents. I certainly hope that I'm one of the people who are understanding and nice to other parents.

For what it's worth, you all have my huge respect.

This thread has been really nice to read after a very hard day. I know I have had a lot of lovely comments about DS but I cant think of any right at this moment. Still I am now wanting to take him to sit in a cafe or bus stop hoping some nice old lady will brighten our day!

My DS's hair is totally wild too - and completely suits him. I love it and only ever trim just the edges when it starts to get in his eyes.

Not something anyone has said to me, but I like to apply Leonard Cohen's lyrics to life with my son.......

Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in