This is all so completely crap

[debs40]

Right I am sooooo pissed off.

I posted a couple of weeks ago about DS1 and suspected ?sensory issues?(smells, clothes, emotional oiutbursts etc). We are waiting to see someone so he?s not been diagnosed with anything as yet

He has started wearing school shoes and his polo shirt again and seemed a bit calmer. But today, after school, he has been hysterical and I don?t know what to do.

He likes school but three times a week, after school, we travel into town to pick up DS2 from nursery. DS1 always seems to hate this and gets very anxious and aggressive (or at least that?s how I perceive it). He is nearly six but he won?t speak to the adults there and picks up toys and points them like guns at people. All very ?out of character?. He?s also adopted a funny voice for when he?s nervous!

Anyway, today he went ballistic with DS2 on pick up because DS2 picked up his spiderman umbrella. He was really hysterical and was trying to kick him in the nursery yard. Everyone was looking as I bundled him as calmly as I could into the car!

Then he tells me he hit someone today in playtime and wouldn?t tell me why but got hysterical in the car when I tried to talk to him about it.

We?re now home and he?s calm as anything.

What can I do? I don?t know how to handle this. It seems to be getting worse and then sometimes he?s ok but I don?t know what I?m supposed to do or say when he has these outbursts. I just try and calm him and comfort him.

I just feel past crying. It?s becoming such a worry. He?s like a ticking time bomb!

Advice anyone please??!

I dont know but it sounds like he is struggling to cope with being sociable after a day of constant interaction at school pehaps. Just a guess.
ds used to be very unstable emotionaly (outburst waiting to happen) after school. He kind of needed to chill and do very little. Actually I found giving him a drink and snack (often on the bench in the playground away from the hussle and bussle helped while he 'defused'.

Magso's said what I was going to say - we get to a point of total irrationality after a long day of coping with things.

Don't talk much to him on pickup. Do give him a cushion or blanket or coat or something heavy to put around himself/hug when he's in the car. And a favourite relaxing thing to focus on. If you can build in that 'quiet time' for a few minutes, it may really help?

My DS5 has Asperger's and has always been very difficult after school. They literally get overloaded at school and need to unwind, so the trip to pick up your other DS is probably too much for him to cope with.

Also it could be because the routine varies. Children with AS (for instance) tend to like the routine to be the same each day. Perhaps if you explain to him in the morning that you will be picking up his brother after school; or even make a visual timetable to show him each day so he knows exactly what he will be doing.

It can be a very difficult time of the day though, even with the best preparation!

Thanks for those suggestions. He was really alarmingly hysterical in the nursery yard - screaming and lunging kicks as DS2. I felt like crying. He is just so wound up when we go there. It's way, way over the top.

What do you think this type of behaviour is suggestive of? I won't hold you to it - just interested in your thoughts.

Well, my DS5 has all the sensory issues you mention and he has Asperger's. Have you noticed anything else?

Does your DS have a liking for routine? Is he fussy with food? Anything different in his speech (very precise, or advanced for his age)? Difficulty understanding some things?

Hi, he is very fussy with food and smells and clothes. He doesn't have routine habits as such but I feel he can be adversely affected to changes in routine e.g. holidays than back to school or vice versa, people staying with others etc

I've always considered him very imaginative and quite empathic - apart from when he's hitting people. Would that rule AS out?

No not necessarily. It is often said that children with AS do not show affection, for instance-but my DS has always been very affectionate and tactile with me (although not with others).

It's all so confusing! I just feel like I don't know how to deal with him when he's having these emotional outbursts. They become increasingly incongruous as he gets older and he looks like his heart is breaking. I just want to be able to stop his distress.

I stopped him having his music on in the car on the way back from nursery because he seemed so out of control and it was just more noise but it made him more hysterical. He gets alot of comfort from it. I should have just let him have it on.

Part of me thinks, there must be something wrong with him and he needs help but then I think maybe it's me and I'm not being firm enough.

I'm also supporting a very demanding disabled brother at the moment - this with my three year old and DS's problems is driving me mad. DH is away until at least 7 in the evening.

I feel like staying in bed!! I'm supposed to have a meeting on my PhD in London on Wed and I don't know how I'm going to cope. Life hasn't felt normal for a very long time!

Im sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment debs.

His sensory problems do sounds like my DS who has AS, as well has the agression on overload, but these could be attributed to other things - it doens't mean he does have AS.

What is he like with his peers? Does he have friends, is he sociable? Does he become obsessed/fixated on things?

What professionals are involved so far?

Yes, he has friends and mixes ok with them but he does get nervous about parties and things and is a bit clingy - I have to stay!

I've spoken to my HV and GP - GP thought it might be dyspraxia. We've been referred to community paediatrician.

I've mentioned it all to his teacher (had to because he was going into school in strange clothes!) but they say they've not noticed anything save for him wanting to sit by the same person.

Sometimes I feel I'm imagining it and other times I just know there is something wrong and I feel powerless to know what to do to help!

That made me about the clothes! DS will only wear trakkie bottoms and Crocs as he finds anything else uncomfortable. He's not at school at the mo, so he can wear what he wants, but is due to got to secondary in sept. I have no idea how Im going to get my trakkie bottomed Croc wearing son into something resembling a school uniform!

It sounds like your DS is being referred in the right direction - I hope you get some answers soon, and keep posting here, you will get some great advice!

thanks. Ds told me he got time out for hitting someone and making them cry today. He got really worked up and said he couldn't explain why he did it. He wasn't even playing with the other boy.

It was at lunchtime so the dinner lady dealt with it and it wasn't mentioned on pick up. I've told his teacher we've got a referral and I don't want to make an issue. I just find this worrying

Debs-I am not saying your DS has it, but Asperger's is frequently only diagnosed when children start school. The most common age for diagnosis is, I think, 6; it is because the problems they have in social situations become suddenly much more apparent.

Have you done any reading about it-Tony Attwood's books on the subject are very good? You may find things mentioned which your DS is doing that you had no idea could be indicative of a problem-or you may be able to say "no that is not him at all".

By the way dyspraxia is one if the overlapping conditions with AS-one of my older DSs has both. He is 20 now, and was diagnosed with dyspraxia when he was 8. Two years ago he was diagnosed with AS as well.