Diagnosing help

[theresonlyme]

My MIL used to teach children with SN in a main stream school. She doens't think there is anything wrong with our son. The school has never raised any concerns. I do worry about him though and don't know where to start as I am sure the GP would just laugh and say he is fine.

I can't shake this feeling he has some difficulties but also know I am probably not the best judge as I have MH issues.

When my dd had problems no one else thought there was anything wrong except me and it took months to sort her out some treatment. Having been through that I keep having this nagging doubt in my mind.

What makes you think he has problems? What sort of stuff does he do / say / is it physical?

I am going to look really silly if it is normal boy stuff.

His writing is worse than his younger sisters.
He has started saying "urh?" at some things he finds surprising.
He can't seem to do as he is told the majority of the time and doesn't understand why he can't have his own way after he has misbehaved.
He looks confused with me at times, but that could be me seeing me in him both as a child and now.

How old is he?

Boys typically take longer than girls to get good at neat writing (and some never do)

Urh! does sound quite a normal thing for a child to say about something surprising.

Many children (IME, especially boys) don't do what they have been asked the first time, and don't "get" why they have to suffer the consequences.

Why do you think he looks confused at you? Does he look confused at other people too?

he is 7

he is fine at school

always played me up but never dad, now he has got very rude and defiant to his dad

It sounds like a normal developmental thing to me - my 8 yr old is getting more defiant, pushing the boundaries and that sort of stuff. However, there have been several threads recently about boys particularly who have been behaving this way.

Bad handwriting in boys isn't unusual but does he have other motor skills problems. Can he ride a bike, throw and catch, that sort of thing?

Don't think he sounds especially our of synch with his peer group. dd is same age and you could describe many boys in her year and above similarly.

ds is dyspraxic but mil who was a Reception teacher for over 25 years looks very sceptical if we ever mention anything about him not being "normal" or getting support (or not). , even though it affects up to 1:5 children. His writing isn't as good or consistent as hers even though he is 3 years older.

DS is almost 8.

His handwriting has improved dramatically since going into Y3.

He will fight to the death with me or DH if he wants to try to get his own way. (Why? He will never win )

He often says things like urh, or durrr, or much worse

But your gut feeling may be right - you need to give more examples of things that worry you!

He can ride a bike, play the piano, make lego and is very scientifically minded.

Sounds silly that I am his mum and doesn't know what a normal 7 year old behaves like.

He used to adore his younger brother and now he really speaks awfully to him. That is my fault though.

When did he learn to ride a bike?

5 ish I think

He got it for his 4th birthday but had the stabilisers on for quite a while.

I just ask, because if he was riding it at 3 or 4, I would probably rule out dyspraxia.

Is he disorganised? Does he lose lots of stuff, forget what happens regularly on certain days of the week, etc? Can he tie his own shoe laces?

Why do you think it is your fault he doesn't get on so well with his little brother?

I am wondering if you are a little like me in that my DS1 has SN (mild AS and dyspraxia and I watch DS2 to see if he is displaying the same traits. Problems is, because I look for problems it is inevitable that I find them. DS2 hates using a pencil/writing/drawing just as much as DS1 used to. He isn't particularly athletic either like DS1 but then I remember that DH and I aren't great role models on that score.

I don't think DS2 mixes very well, but all his teachers say that once I am not there to hide behind he is a very popular boy and a bit of a leader.

I think we worry too much about not spotting the problems but maybe they aren't there to find. Unless there is something you aren't telling us your DS sounds fairly normal.

It is my fault because I have been speaking to the kids in the same awful tone.

He can be the loveliest boy. Maybe I just expect too much?

He doesn't look after his toys and often can't find things. No shoe laces yet.

Well, maybe you should investigate the dyspraxia possibility.

Or maybe he's just a normal 7year old

FWIW, I know that DS uses the same tone as me when I have been being particularly grumpy / sarcastic

Attitude is something often seen at home anyway, from being tired after school, and shoe laces have become a dying art at this age due to the invention of velcro ! His gross motor skills (ie ridnin a bike) sound fine. I think if he isn't presenting any problems at schools such as being disorganised, clumsy , poor handwriting, fine motor skills memory and inability to do pieces of work independently or socially then dyspraxia is unlikely. Why not list your concerns and meet with his teacher to see if there is any common ground for concern. He may have some issues there which are not really significant enough on their own for the teacher to raise voluntarily but may match what you sense.

Hie teacher was the one who initially asked about his fine motor skills as his writing is appalling. I know he likes his teacher and she seems fond of him as much as they can be.

She can refer if she feels there are problems, they may have a scheme to help in- house or it may speed things up if they need to involve those outside the school - I'd have another chat to her. However lego, piano etc doesn't really suggest a general problem with fine motor skills or coordination. Maybe the writing is more motivation than physical ?

I think you are right about that!

If your DS's teacher thinks his handwriting is a problem could she give him some extra help. The Write From the Start books are good for this. I was told about them by my DS's OT. Maybe do it at home if the school won't?

TBH I agree that is your DS can play the piano and has OK gross motor skills, he probably doesn't have dyspraxia. Being unable to tie your shoes laces is only a problem is you have been practicing for a long time. The lack of organisational skills, losing things and confusion may be symptoms but equally they are very common in boys who have better things to think about than where they left their homework or whatever.

It is possible to have slowly developing fine motor skills without having any particular SN iyswim. Lots of boys do.

My ds who is 8 has poor motor skills (and mild joint problems): his hand-writing is absolutely appalling and his reading has been a bit slow, so he is getting extra help, but there is no particular need for a statement.

He has become more defiant and more easily upset over the last year or so. Early rehearsal for puberty I reckon.

Fairly scatty and needs a hundred reminders to do things, but again not enough to suspect any real problem.

The teacher agrees his writing isn't great but we both know he can do better when he wants too.

His sister enjoys writing and does it very nicely.

If he can do it when he wants to then it is a question of attitude rather than him having a problem.

I really do get the impression that your DS is going through a normal, but trying phase. If it is any consolation the anecdotal evidence is that most of them get through it by the age of 10. Only 3 more years then.

I am grateful for all your help.

I wasn't a normal kid so don't know what is okay and what isn't.