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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Would your DH/DP come with you...

16 replies

Marne · 23/01/2009 13:07

On a course which may help your DC?

Today i went for a introduction for the 'early birds course' run by NAS, when i got there i was asked if dh would be joining me on the course?. I told them that dh was at home looking after dd2 (asd) and we couldn't find child care. I was really pleased when they told me that dd2 could attend the nursery at the sn school where the course will be held. This would mean dh could join me on the course and dd could spend a few hours a week at the school she may one day attend.

So i get home to tell dh who shows no interest at all and wants to know why he has to come and talk in a group of people which he has never met on a course he knows nothing about.

Its at times like this i start to think dh has AS/ASD.

I tried to explain that the course will help us to understand AS/ASD which will help both dd's (dd1 has AS, dd2 has ASD).

He has agreed to come but is still moaning about it, i really don't want him to come if he's going to be like this but i don't want to be the only parent without a partner. I also think it will do dd2 good to go to the nursery.

Are all dh's this un-suportive or is it just mine?

OP posts:

bubblagirl · 23/01/2009 13:18

i think alot of men find things like this uncomfortable i also have been invited on that course maybe not same one as you though ,

my dp was a bit unsure but did say it would be interesting

also have a lady who is autistic doing speeches and dp said he would find that one very interesting

most men can deal with things in there own way but to go out and admit and meet others it can be hard

as day to day were used to facing that sn groups etc don't listen to the whining just tell him how great it will be and leave it at that it'll probably help him alot to go as most men keep there feelings and worries inside he probably is worried about being made to open up

silverfrog · 23/01/2009 13:20

dh did come to the Earlybird course, but he was the only partner who did for all the sessions, so i don't think you'll be the only one without a partner if he doesn't go(not all the time anyway).

5inthebed · 23/01/2009 13:21

Marne, my hubby was the same when we done the Early Bird course last year. But now he is really pleased he done it as he has a better understanding of DS2 and we got to speak to other parents who were in the same boat.

It wont be as bad as he thinks it is going to be, its very informal but very helpful!

Have fun! Its really nice of the SN to let your ds2 attend the nursery allowing you both to do it.

macwoozy · 23/01/2009 13:22

Unfortunately my dp is just the same. He never attends meetings with me, although to be fair he finds it hard to take time off work. But what I find really upsetting is that he can't be bothered to read reports or even look through ds's school books.

5inthebed · 23/01/2009 13:22

Should have added that besides me and DH, there was only one other couple.

Original poster

Marne · 23/01/2009 13:23

He has found it really hard to talk about the dd's asd's (we rarely talk about it at home). I thought it would do him good to meet other dads with ASD children. He does need to open up, i think he feels its his fault that the dd's are autistic as he shows alot of traits.

I really enjoyed today as i met 2 families which live a couple miles down the road from us.

OP posts:

Original poster

Marne · 23/01/2009 13:26

macwoozy, dh has never looked at dd1's books, he doesn't come to parents evenings and has never been to dd2's sn play-group .

At the moment there are only 2 other couples doing the course, 1 brings her dh ,the other is bringing her mother.

OP posts:

pagwatch · 23/01/2009 13:37

I don't know how long you have all had diagnosis or known that your child has issues.But I think that sometimes it is harder for DP's and DHs to get their head around what has happened.
When DS2 was first obviously struggling DH was rubbish. It seems in retrospect to have been a acombination of denial and a real fear that he could do nothing to help.
My reaction was to be very gung ho at finding therapies and support etc and I think I left DH standing whistling in the wind wondering what his role was.
He just needed time to get his head around it and come to terms with his 'new' son.

9 years on he is a fantastic support, a wonderful advocate and friend to our DS2. They do lots together and in many ways he copes with DS2s behaviours etc better than i do.

I would say that my decision to do what I needed to do, and let him take a bit longer to adjust, has served us well

feelingbetter · 23/01/2009 15:40

My DP would come with me but I know he would dread it because I would too. I absolutely HATE attending any type of group thing and talking to random strangers. It was all I could do to attend a parentcraft class when I was pregnant, then we left halfway through coz it was just my kind of social agony. DPs too. Also, if I have to attend anything like that in the future for DSs benefit, of course I would, but apart from the social awkwardness I feel, I would be terrified I'd spend the entire time in floods of tears! Which I would.

Perhaps your DH is the same?

notfromaroundhere · 23/01/2009 18:13

Pretty much the same as what feelingbetter said - we too left after only 1 of the "lessons" at the parentcraft .

I am trying to organise getting on the area equivalent course atm and DP will be coming with me. DP and I both groaned when the course details came through and showed 2 "coffee and chat" times on it!

saint2shoes · 23/01/2009 19:13

in answer to the op, my dh is very hands on, but to be honest he wouldn't have any interest in doing something like that.

Widemouthfrog · 23/01/2009 20:32

We have just finishing earlybird, and and yes DH came with me, as most other dads did. I would encourage him. My DH reads very little about ASDs and has relied on me for direction. This course has really opened his eyes and converted him. It is so much more helpful if the training is given as a family, and you can learn a consistency of approach. Encourage him to give it a go - he may just enjoy it. It is a great experience because everything you struggle with day to day is normalised, because you are with a room full of people who just understand. Quite refreshing.

sarah293 · 23/01/2009 20:38

This reply has been deleted

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VampiresWalkin · 23/01/2009 20:45

DH probably wouldn't. He is very sceptical at there being anything "different" with DD anyway.

cory · 23/01/2009 21:05

dh would if he was able to, I'm sure; he's not squeamish

magso · 24/01/2009 14:39

Dh has not attended courses but has started attending medical and some important school appointments. Dh never blames himself for ds disability which is really useful as he will not allow professionals or teachers to deminish his observations. I wonder if ds would have got his autism dx without dh! I also wonder what might have happened if he had got involved in meetings earlier!!

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