Should I stop DD (8.8) seeing quite so much of her 'friend' (3)?

[sadnog]

I'm in a bit of a quandry and wondered what the rest of you thought. My DD, who is 8.8, plays alot with a little girl who lives a few doors down from us (she is 3 next month). When I say alot, she goes there almost every day, little girl even rings most days to see if DD is going!? DD has learning difficulties and is very immature for her age. She mixes well at school but has no particular friends, she never seems to get invited to anyones house although she has had a few friends come to us for tea/play. She seems happier to play with children younger than her, although there are several children her age living in our street whom she will play with for short periods of time, but she inevitably comes in moaning that they have said something to upset her or won't let her join in with their game. I want her to have friends and be a happy child but am concerned that too much contact with this little girl may do more harm than good IYSWIM?
Or am I just over reacting?

i would say let her be she is obviously connecting with the girl and its still teaching her social skills if she's being excluded from play with he older children then she feels she has a friend there which is great and the little girls mum obviously doesn't mind

maybe you could look into any groups maybe with similar minded children etc so she doesn't feel so excluded from these children she can have a new set of friends

in the mean time if the mum of the little girl is ok then leave her be she is happy and thats the most important thing

also the little girl i doubt would be a bad thing as her mum may have her helping out etc and this would be great for her but also as the little girl progresses cant do any harm for your dd as her development will also be progressing there's no way it can go the other way from playing with her

its either she goes there or she's unhappy due to the others being unkind its safe there for her

I spoke to little girls mum shortly after DD started going there to play, as I was concerned she may be making a nuisance of herself constantly knocking the door, but 'mum' said she was fine and that her daughter absolutley loved my DD. They have even taken her swimming and to the Ball Pool with them which my DD thought was brilliant. I'm just concerned that DD may become too reliant on this friendship as she already gets upset if she knocks the door and no-one is home.

maybe you could set days that would be ok so that she know when she can go rather than going all the time then she may be less reliant but i guess to her its the place she feels she has a good friend , is there any groups she could go to in your area at all to meet new friends

If I'm honest that's something I've never looked into. She loves music and dancing and I thought about taking her to a cheerleading class at our local dance school but I'm not sure how she would cope. She doesn't find it easy to follow instructions and would probably end up running about and doing her own thing, or just not join in at all. Where would be the best place to look for local groups? Sorry I sound completely useless don't I?

well i have a special needs and parents group near me so i take ds to that once a week so he gets to be around others in same mindset and i get to speak to like minded parents its great for us both lots of advise etc lots of activities no raised eye brows to melt downs or not wanting to participate etc

just look up special needs groups in your area and see if any near by you could attend or ask at local centres if any groups attend

i have just found a group saw your from malvern
cant paste so will have to write it out instead

family support group for families and children with sn youth group activities and family avaents contact c/o malvern hills primary school, blue bell close malvern wr14 3sw

tel 01684 892526

[email protected]

also they provide regular social activities and family events

also playschemes

weekend playscheme based at the community unit, osbourne road malvern
this is organised by malvern special families support group
once a month for 3-18 yr olds booking required also run in school holidays
tel 01684 862455

[email protected]

Many Thanks bubblagirl, I will look into those. In the meantime will try your idea of designating certain days for DD to play with friend, although will probably get a meltdown when I try to explain as she has no comprehension of time/days etc

maybe you could do a chart my son has one from e bay day to day one or how many sleep one where you can have the play symbol and then have it on the chart so she can see when and maybe desigante doing something bake a cake or paint your own piggy bank or something on the other days to take her mind off it and keep her occupied hopefully the youth groups will be great for her to meet other children similar to her own needs to be friends with

and for you too meeting the parents you can maybe arrange to do things outside group also

It would be great to meet other parents with similar children. I moved here 3 years ago after divorcing DDs father (also have DS who is ADHD) and haven't really got any close friends here. I have my mum, but she's almost 70 and I don't like to load off her too much as I know she worries about us. Often feel like I let DD down alot by not taking her places but with DS as well, a day out can turn into a complete nightmare and I wonder why I bothered! God that must sound so selfish . I will definately get in touch with the groups you've mentioned, it really is time I got off my arse and did something that will help DD (and hopefully me too!).

it must be hard for you but at least knowing your not alone and to meet people in person will help all of you as to have them busy doing something will give you that 5 mins breathing space and an opportunity to make friends yourself

i have made few friends from my group we dont meet outside of group as the distance is too far but one lady we do try to but just havent found a time that meets with our dc at pre school

although she did say it'll be nice to meet without them for coffee i dont do coffee but the chat will be nice lol

it took me alot to go to our group but now i feel so happy to go in have people to talk to to share experiences give and geta dvise i love it and am glad as ds gets to socialise with others with same needs and no one batts an eyelid if theres a melt down or anything its so relaxing and non judgemental

i hope you do enjoy it and make some great freinds

must admit i class all the sn board as my frinds so much help and advise and understanding has been given i'd be lost without it my virtual friends lol

The last few years have certainly not been easy but hey you have to play with the hand thats dealt you. Thanks so much for all your help and advice and I agree that the SN board is fab , I've learnt loads and had so much great advice since first posting on here a few weeks ago.

well your more than welcome its been my life line last year speak soon xx

Hi bubblagirl, just wanted to let you know I got in touch with Malvern Special Families and they think DD would benefit at their sessions, although they are fully booked until April. They are sending me out some forms and information though. They also said that I could go along to a session just to have a look around and see if DD would enjoy it there. Many thanks for the suggestion.