I am in serious danger of going mad and need your help. SN and non-SN parents PLEASE come and tell me what the hell is going wrong with my son I am about to lose it.

[hereidrawtheline]

I am sorry this is so long I am distressed and probably alienating many of you from reading let alone answering. But please if you can hear this cry for help I am really in need.

I am a namechanger. I am sure some of you will recognise me based on my DS's symptoms if you do PLEASE do not out me I am here to get help, I am honestly so beyond depressed and I am desperate. I can not enter in to MN politics I just want some help. I am losing my grip on stability.

This is what I need from you, PLEASE please help me if you can. I need you to read what my DS is like and tell me what the hell do you think is wrong with him. I am in the referral system - GP referred me to a specialist in this sort of thing, the hospital sent me to a different Dr in a quest to fulfill their quota, that Dr promptly said she could not help and that I had to see original specialist and would be re-referred. Then a month later still waiting for that appointment I chased it up as its got much worse and they fucking never re-referred us in the first place they lost the damn referral and had us down as a closed case. So as of yesterday I was re-referred again. In the meantime I am unravelling and my DS is suffering, I have no support, nothing to work towards and all I can think is I am a total failure as a mother even though I dedicate my entire life to him.

Please please please if you recognise these symptoms tell me what they sound like so I can at least cling to something while I wait and try to work out a better way of handling him than what I currently have. I am not asking you to diagnose him I know you cant but just as one mother to another tell me what you think is wrong before I go mad.

He is 2.6 years old. These things have been going on in one form or another for a long time. He is very very bright with a huge vocabulary. HV says he is in the top 2% of development and language wise on par with a 4 or 5 year old. I am just telling you the facts as I know them so you get a picture.

1. he repeats himself constantly. CONSTANTLY. He will say something relentlessly - he said something today around 50 times before I got him to stop. If you parrot back to him what he has said he will usually stop saying it but for gods sake I can not do that constantly. If I say "I heard you" he still says it. If I answer the question, if indeed it is a question and not a statement, he usually still says it. This is beyond normal toddler repitition. Its like a record on loop.

1. He will talk to you and repeat himself endlessly even if you are not near him. I can usually hear him but I am possibly on the other side of the house doing something and he knows I am not there with him and he will still say it expecting me to answer/parrot back to him. He also has no comprehension of you being busy or already talking to someone. No matter what he just stands there and repeats himself.

1. He is my oppressively my shadow. If I walk to the kitchen to get a drink he is under my feet. If I go anywhere at all he follows me NO MATTER WHAT. He asks me what I am doing every few minutes even if I am sitting with him on my lap reading to him.

1. He gets violent and has a melt down when opposed at all. Everything has to be in an exact order, procedure etc and if its slightly off he loses it. Today he hit me in the face when I got on the phone - I asked him if it was an accident he said "no I did it on purpose. I am angry because you are on the phone" ok I appreciate the honesty but he is a fucking tyrant.

1. He can not cope with negative emotions. If another child cries he screams, throws whatever he is holding and sobs til I remove him from the situation. If he percieves anger, even if there actually is none but he misunderstands the tone of voice, he hits whoever he feels is to blame.

1. He is OCD like with order, lining things up, certain foods, certain bowls etc.

1. He hates bright light. Every day we have to close curtains because the light hurts his eyes. He doesnt like loud noises. He wont touch certain fabrics.

1. If he does something and I say do not do that again he does it. Then when I take said object away he freaks out.

1. he is totally helpless. he has to have me pick something up for him. he needs me to move a car one inch to the left. whatever. I usually refuse or pick and choose my battles with him. when I refuse he melts down.

10. I do not spoil him. I am firm with him. I do not pander. But I cant control him. My GP said these things are hardwired into his brain so punishing isnt the answer. That is also my belief so I am trying to walk the line between compassion and pandering.

11. he freaks out if the wrong people sit on his bed etc or touch him

12. he is VERY emotional and sweet and kind. he is very vulnerable to getting his feelings hurt and blaming himself for everything that goes wrong.

13. he constantly asks if I and other people are happy. So much so I wish he wouldnt be so bothered about it.

14. When someone is mean to him he rewrites the history and changes it all to "nice"

15. He is very imaginative & creative. He totally uses every facial expressions and is very expressive.

16. he is openly and totally defiant of almost every instruction I give him.

17. he will cry and ask for help with something as soon as I go to help he screams at me not to help then it starts all over again.

I am afraid and flinch around him because he hits me so much. He never looks where he is walking or running or takes any care about what effect his body is having on his environment except on very calm, good days.

he has a brilliant memory and remembers shocking things like details of a day a year ago (not an important day just a regular at home day), the names of planets in solar system and can identify them with pictures, memorises poems, can read some etc

I feel so guilty. I have taken the time to sit down and write this and he is so unhappy. But I am going mad. I just cant cope anymore. Every time I do anything at all that does not involve him he cant cope and I feel guilty.

I dont know how to make you understand this but I dont spoil him. I do encourage him to have all sorts of experiences besides these. I spend A LOT of quality time with him. I am reasonable. I put limits on him. But he is totally and utterly untouchable and I am lost.

I am reading this back and I know it looks like a dicsipline issue but you have to trust me it isnt. Or at least it isnt MAJORLY. There is something wrong with him. He is not normal he isnt like other toddlers he isnt happy in all these times and neither are we. He can freak out over a little thing gone wrong or a little bit of kind discipline and it will last an hour and he will be rocking back and forth in the bathtub in the end.

HV and GP who have known him since birth and are both very good believe he has some medically caused problem but are waiting for the specialist to DX.

I am going to catalogue what I have been doing since last post.

DS drawing. Had meltdown b/c he couldnt control the paper & wouldnt accept my help. Asked for something (cant remember what but just typical) and instantly was loudly whining as he does nearly everything he says is a very very loud whine that grates on my nerves like nothing else. I calmly said as I do "Please don't whine like that, say it in your normal voice" he flipped out and was sobbing. I went to him to hug him and he started shrieking "dont touch me!" so I left him alone and moved back and started opening the post. I asked him several times if I could touch him & hug him now. He said no.

Then he got playdough out and we started happily playing playdough together. I begin thinking - why didnt I think of playdough? If I had just got it out earlier none of this would have happened. He says its a nice day and repeatedly says "Happy Mama" I feel like a broken spring.

I pick up something new that I hadnt noticed DH had bought to look at it. He starts screaming "let me have it" and rips it out of my hands. I say firmly & loudly, something along the lines of "No DS you do not take things out of my hands like that and shout at me. Let me have it back when I am done looking at it you can have a turn" (It was a new CD in packaging.) We had a long battle for me to get it back. Finally he gave it back - by hitting me in the face with it then dropping it. I start crying and say "DS do not hit me! That hurt!" He shouts at me. He then resumes normality and says "Mama play playdough again" I feel awful.

Shortly after we go to put him down for his nap (just now) he says a dummy needs cleaning. But he doesnt say it. Firstly, to start out with, he shouts it, in a horrible whiny voice. He doesnt just ask me to clean it. He shouts it, whining high pitch. Everything is at that pitch.

I find myself living, literally, in fear of setting him off. As I am doing everything I talk through what I am doing and anticipate all his objections/questions everything. I am very hasty to point out that I WILL tuck all his bedtime friends in in the right order, I will fullfill each thing I have to do to put him to bed. I say it all quickly with so much tension because if i hesitate even a second he jumps in screaming whining making the demands and I feel if I hear it one more time I will go mad. I am living on a knifes edge.

You lovely lot are the only ones who seem to understand. DH kind of does but not totally as he works full time and doesnt have the relentless slog I do. Friends & family who dont see DS very often have this week said 2 things:

"its learned behaviour and if you ignore him he will stop" which makes me feel even more as its my fault when I KNOW I have raised him with rules and manners and gentle firmness.

"you have praised him so much because you are such doting parents that now he is a perfectionist and it has made him become neurotic"

We have always praised him a lot. He is our precious DS. He is a bright and shining little star when he isnt torturing me. I dont know how to not smile at him and tell him he is adorable when he is.

No one understands that every day is an assault course for me. I am not being dramatic, it really is.

"I find myself living, literally, in fear of setting him off"

God that's so spooky hereidrawtheline, that could almost be me talking. I live my life treading on eggshells around DD because I don't want to do anything that will spark off a meltdown! I never feel relaxed around her because I'm constantly worrying about what she'll do next.

ok - have things gradually got to this stage or have you noticed that his behaviour has suddenly declined? Is he repeatedly asking for certain food or drink? Just thinking about my ds - in his case removing aspartame from his diet (found in most sugar free things including Robinson's fruit juice, froot shoots etc) led to virtually instant improvement in behaviour and attention.

Just thinking of things which might make an immediate difference. Re your referral, get on the phone to your GP or HV and ask to be bumped up the paed's waiting list, they regularly get cancellations and could potentially get you seen within a week. Don't worry about seeming pushy, you need to get him seen asap for all of your sakes.

When he melts down can you put him in a safe place to calm down so you can also have a couple of minutes to calm yourself? Is he still in a cot, could he go in there for 5 minutes? Just a thought. Is there anyone who can come and be with you to relieve the pressure a bit?

I know it's difficult but try to take this one day at a time, even one hour at a time if you need to. Recognising the problem and getting help was the hardest thing we went through. We have no dx and may never need one but I remember vividly the horrid realisation that ds was developing differently from his peers. Keep posting.

Sorry to but in have you tried the hv, our gp is next to useless and hv is doing all the referrals for me and telling th gp what he needs to do, she regularly calls to give me uodates and chases things up for me. Also they may have ideas to help and can be someone to sound of to (if you have a good one).
You have probably tried it but have you got a naughty step,time out corner, ds is 2.5 and non-verbal it took a few days for him to understand but most of the time it works and he will even take himself to it. It just gives him a chance to calm down without anyone interferring or him throwing everything about and knowing he is doing wrong!!

Our HV was great too, I think they often get a bad press on here but she did so much to help us, and had more knowledge of ASD than any GP I've seen. Maybe call the team and ask if anyone has experience in this area, and could they come and visit?

Hi - Wow - a lot has happened since I last posted.

I found a private specialist thanks to YOUR link trace2. I phoned her and left a message and she phoned back and was lovely really truly lovely and we were on the phone a long time (free of charge I may add!) while DS had his nap.

She is emailing me more info & prices etc to see if I want to formally go to her for a consultation/DX which I may do because she was so very good. BUT she said "I think I can definitely say he is on the spectrum" She mentioned HFA or Aspergers. She said he was very bright. She reassured me about the showing emotion stuff that I have been asking you about and many other things. She had a lot of sympathy & compassion. She gave me some good ideas of where to start just to relieve his anxiety so he doesnt melt down so much in the meantime of trying to get a clearer idea of what is happening.

She was brilliant. And she actually thinks he is autistic but needs further study to DX properly. And she wasnt money grabbing at all she was even trying to think of ways to get him seen quickly on the NHS so I wouldnt have to pay her! It was exactly what I needed to give me the energy to get through the rest of today.

Thank you very much - I literally could not have done it without you.

thats great to here i to had phone call from then they are very good! like i said we was going down private route,but ended up with nhs very quickly .

i hope you feel much better knowing you had to take things further. also is there an early years in your area they to help get a dx and help us parents, i dont know excaly as been given a number but not yet contacted them.

That's good news hope, it works out for you quickly. Keep us informed .

hereidrawtheline, 1st off, major hugs hun, omg i picked up so much emotion from those posts and i so feel for you. my ds3 is speech and language disorder, and again out and out refusal to diagnose asd despite so many overlaps, however school have always taught him as asd and we discipline him as asd. i agree that your gp is too quick to dismiss some form of asd, i think they are looking at stereotypical autism and not the big pic at all. i think the 1st thing i would do is look up for lots of ways to work with asd kids and try it, i also think if you have an autism awareness locally, then i would get in touch with them for some help.
to the Autism Awareness Website
dont know if thats gonna link, but i would also go back to the docs and tell them you need some support, not meds, but some emotional and physical support. also do you have a surestart in your area, if so i would also get in touch with them, they may well be able to help emotionally aswell. if its any consolation though something seems to be happening with a lot of kids atm, everyone i know including myself is struggling, lets hope that soon bloody stops. good luck hun x

hereidrawtheline, I think it might be useful to strip back to basics, and see if things slightly improve. So,

"DS drawing. Had meltdown b/c he couldnt control the paper & wouldnt accept my help. Asked for something (cant remember what but just typical) and instantly was loudly whining as he does nearly everything he says is a very very loud whine that grates on my nerves like nothing else. I calmly said as I do "Please don't whine like that, say it in your normal voice" he flipped out and was sobbing."

• Perhaps try a simple phrase that you will consistently use in this situation. For us, it is "No shouting, DD", with fingers to the lips. Then "Ask nicely..."

I went to him to hug him and he started shrieking "dont touch me!" so I left him alone and moved back and started opening the post. I asked him several times if I could touch him & hug him now. He said no.

• I find with DD that the more I persue, the less she responds. So I would approach it "Is DS sad?". See how he responds before trying to touch him.

I pick up something new that I hadn't noticed DH had bought to look at it. He starts screaming "let me have it" and rips it out of my hands. I say firmly & loudly, something along the lines of "No DS you do not take things out of my hands like that and shout at me. Let me have it back when I am done looking at it you can have a turn" (It was a new CD in packaging.) We had a long battle for me to get it back. Finally he gave it back - by hitting me in the face with it then dropping it.

-Avoid the confrontation by stating a positive 'fact'. So, "Mummy's turn first, DS. Then DS's turn.", either motion for him to give it to you or gently remove it from him.

I find myself living, literally, in fear of setting him off. As I am doing everything I talk through what I am doing and anticipate all his objections/questions everything. I am very hasty to point out that I WILL tuck all his bedtime friends in in the right order, I will fullfill each thing I have to do to put him to bed. I say it all quickly with so much tension because if i hesitate even a second he jumps in screaming whining making the demands and I feel if I hear it one more time I will go mad. I am living on a knifes edge.

-I find that having ritual sayings for DD to repeat with me helps her to know that I am not going to forget anything. So I say, as we get her ready for bed, "What does DD need? Big girl pants, covers, fan, bear, cat, and...." DD: "star". Then as I get her into bed I say "Has DD got bear?" "Has DD got cat?" "Where's fan?", Have you got your covers on?, "Ok then, just star..."

Although it might seem to reinforce the rituals, I find that it gives her the predictability that she needs. Without it, she gets very anxious about "star", even though we have yet to get into bed and put her covers on, etc.

Having said all this, our paed is not persuing (actively to my knowledge) any 'spectrummy' stuff regarding DD yet, because he sees her 'interacting nicely' in clinic, although her social interaction skills have an 18 month delay. I personally am suspecting more and more that she is somewhere on the spectrum, and that it may become more apparent as she grows older. He always asks about 'hand flapping' during our consultations, and we have always said "no, never". Lo and behold, about three weeks ago DD has started flapping her hands when she is very upset.

You may find it quite hard to pinpoint your concerns when you see someone. We find that DDs behaviours can change subtley and it takes a while for us to figure out what is happening, but when we look back, we see the common theme. However, at the time, it is very confusing. And you will need to get over feeling like you are just moaning about his behaviour, too. They need to know the details so that they can pick out things that might not be significant to you, but ring bells with them.

Hereidrawtheline, your post about living in fear of settng him off resonates deeply with me. When ds1 was about 2.6 he became obsessed with the doorknob on our back door. It was an old door and rather tricky to open. He would try to open it, not be successful, refuse any help, cry and scream. This would go on and on and on. I would be a complete wreck by the time he stopped. Whether that was by physically picking him up and moving him away from the door - not a first choice as it was quite a scene - or by him finally getting the door open. I would find myself literally praying for the door to open so that it would all stop

Dh has a harder time not setting him off. The mornings getting ready for school are SO hard. Most of the time ds1 is in tears at some point or other and the bad days he has to be carried to the car then driven around until he can calm down enough to go to school.

The comment about diet is so true. Going dairy-free helped a lot. It was such an obvious improvement that even my parents (who were quite skeptical) noticed the change.

That's great, glad you are on the path to getting some answers. There are lots of people on here with extensive knowledge of ASD, and some lovely ladies who post here who are actually on the spectrum themselves and give real insight into the condition.
I've found this an invaluable resource for helping my ds. Good luck and let us know how you get on!

Hi

He sounds (although more verbal) just like my chap was at that age. The constant repetition is just mind numbingly wearing. I got through it by constantly singing. I used to wonder when he would start asking questions and then once he started he would ask me the same question over and over again. He definately sounds on the spectrum somewhere.
I too went through the nights lying awake worrying myself sick and still occasionally do. I also trod on eggshells when he was small in case something set him off - he could tantrum for hours. I became and still am to an extent very predictive - ie, I would try and read and predict situations so I would be 2 seconds ahead of him. What was weird was that he could read my mind. I would think of something and he would say the word or the sentence a few seconds later. I think I just became intuitive and prereading situations. Other people (rellies , Ma in Law) who hadn't really every had to suffer the major meltdowns and certainly not ones in public like I had, obviously thought I was and am an over fussy and over protective mother but frankly bollocks to them. Minimising his stress levels and therefore mine is the key.

I found pre warning him of everything really worked. Also, just sometimes showing that you have had enough doesn't do them any harm. I remember once I got so cross with the constant wittering that when I was making tea I slammed the top of the past jar down so heavily I smashed it. Blood and glass all over the place. I cleared it up and was crying my eyes out. He came over, I shouted, what do you want and he said 'I think you just need a hug' Oh lordy - more tears .

Anyway, you might notice a lot of this is in the past tense. He is now ongoing for 14 and is LOVELY. He only gets a bit repetitive now if he is very tired or with new people. Your son is going to be a very bright, very clever young man who is going to have an excellent command of language and understand emotions very well. He is GOING TO BE FINE but he might drive you potty getting there - knowing that though will help you develop coping strategies for you (and therefore him).

Make sure you book some 'me time' As soon as hubby gets in from work go out for a walk/swim/ something. At the weekend they have boys bonding time for a whole afternoon where it is up to your husband what they do together. You go out or take to your pit and let them get on with it. Without my husband doing so much with our children I don't think I would have got through. Tell him that it's either that or you are going to be ill.

All the best.

lou thank you I found breaking that down for me in such a clear way extremely helpful and i will indeed take your suggestions on board!

flyingmum thank you as well for the reassurance that he will be ok, and all of you have been such dears! flyingmum i particularly relate to you saying other people not so involved think you are being a bit over fussy etc I am getting that a lot and always always the looks saying I am being OTT and the "well it never did mine any harm" etc. It is so very alienating.

Can I ask you all some questions about your ASD children.

So they say imaginiative things randomly such as "Happy Birthday Mama!" and then cut you imaginary pieces of cake? Not that specifically but that type of thing. And do they do things like hold a handful of air and go "oooooooooh very heavy rock, you hold it mama"

I hope you get my point I know I am probably repeating myself but I am just trying to get to grips now with it all. I believe after much soul searching, research but now finally hearing the specialist say it in plain english (she was ADAMENT) that he has ASD so I am just trying to reconcile that with my previous concept of autism which I realise now needs updating.

But to be fair - when I look on official autism websites at lists of symptoms etc they all say stuff about the children not having imagination or playing with toys properly or interacting or creativity etc. So this specialist and all of you seem to be saying you can indeed be on the spectrum and still do these things. And DS does things things. So its confusing. The specialist I spoke to today said he is obviously very bright and a good mimic which I feel can explain some of it but not really all. Hope that incoherence made some sense!

Also I can spell and type but I really can not be bothered and have just a minute here and there to post so dont correct!

I again give the disclaimer that DD is not officially on the spectrum, but I would say that I believe a lot of her 'imaginative play' is learned behaviour.

What I mean by that is that for example, she will put her hand into grandad's shirt, and say "What's that?" "It's a gruffalo!". But this is because my Dad did this one weekend and she loves the feedback she gets.

Whenever DD plays with her play kitchen, she always puts something in the oven, and then says "2 minutes!". When she takes it out, we HAVE to pretend it is hot, or she will just keep insisting it is hot, and won't continue until we do.

So to someone that doesn't know her, she can seem to play beautifully, but I recognise the repetitive nature of her play.

WRT to the cake thing, if I had to guess, he is remembering that when someone was given cake, they were very happy. He wants you to be happy, so he 'gives you' some 'cake'.

I think that the more you get to know about ASD, the more confusing it becomes. My perception of an autistic child 2 yrs ago, was one who didn't interact, was withdrawn, unhappy and incapable of dealing with social situations. I now realise how little I knew -each child with ASD is so different, it is a vast spectrum.

I'm no expert - it sounds like your ds obviously has imagination to be able to visualise scenarios, but his repetition in repeatedly doing and saying certain things might show an impairment in imagination of a different kind iyswim.

In a word - yes

Mine used to do hours of imaginative play. I remember once in a playground when he was 3 he made us all 'cups of tea' using that play bark as the items.

Then when watching Garry Rhodes making meat pie he went to his playdough and made the exact same thing!

His playhouse is filled with play cookers and stuff. He had to have a play washing machine (his obsession was washing machines - it got better once I got him a play one).

I too was told at first he 'wasn't autistic because he has an imagination' but then a year later the same paed diagnosed him.

The difference I would say between him and my DS2 who is 'normal' (hmmm) is that DS2 will think of totally new imaginative things. DS1 is imaginative but if you look at its root the things are based on films, tv progs or household things. So we used to play sharks and crocodiles in the swimming pool and he's pretend to swim away from them and pirates and stuff but there was a root for him in that he loved Peter Pan. He plays endless games with DS2 (which to be honest DS2 is kindof outgrowing) based on the fluffy toys going to school or something out of a film. He knows that DS2 loves Star Wars (he can't be arsed by it) so he has changed these games to include that I've noticed. So yes they can be imaginative but in a slightly different way. The good thing is he is now a really good cook - I'm sure its all those years pretending to bake a cake!

Well DS gives me "pieces of cake" all the time no wonder I am gaining so much weight!

I want to tell you something that has been upsetting me for a week. Last Thursday at our local outdoor market we were waiting our turn at the veg stall and DS was in his buggy singing (loudly but not screaming loudly) I did shush him but he doesnt listen when I do. Most everyone in the village knows us and there were lots of little jokes about getting an open air concert etc. Then the man in front of us - in his 60's turned around and said sharply to DS "oh just shut up!"

I was stunned. No one has ever spoken to him like that before. And furious. I had all these fucking thoughts like what if he is senile what if he has shrapnel in the brain from the war etc to excuse his rudeness so I didnt comment just gave him the look of death - I would have commented MUCH more had DS been aware of the comment but he was totally oblivious so not hurt by it. But later that day I was really furious with myself. Why should I have given that old git the benefit of the doubt when he told a 2 year old to shut up for singing outside

I thought you would understand.

What a horrible man.

I think some people just can't cope with children, period.

As I have noticed from some of the more embarrssing things that my mother and mother in law have started coming out with in public I think that older people just don't give a damm so much. My ma in law said really loudly in a shop 'gosh, there do seem to be some realy fat people these days' very near two ladies who were rather large. They must have heard. My mother has taken to correcting children in public or commenting such as 'goodness THAT CHILD hasn't got SOCKS on' at some kid in a push chair who had obviously taken them off (like they do at the drop of a hat and just like both of her grandchildren did). I wanted to curl up and die.

I do find that now both of my kids are passed the toddler stage you do become less tolerant of the shrieks and yells of others' kids because you are passed that. I think what differs is that when I hear this type of thing I might be irritated because I'm trying to think BUT I also think to myself - Oh thank god that stage has gone. He was a curmogeonly old bugger but put it down to old age. My father would definately have been irritated by the same thing but never would have treated a 2 year old child like that. It's always at these points that you think of clever things to say AFTER the event. . .

Have some wine. I'm going to find a bottle myself. Bugger the diet.

ah bless the wine! I shall be having some soon but first I have a cup of tea with DH as he's just got home from work!

I wanted to say to the man "He (DS) is 2, what's your excuse for being rude?" but I didnt. I too get annoyed by other peoples children, dont we all, though I obviously have 100% sympathy for the parents and indeed the children and would keep my own mouth shut if I were irritated.

how are you today?/?//

It does sound as though there is something going on with your ds. What particularly struck me is the perceived unevenness of his skills. He has, from what you've been saying, very advanced language skills in terms of sentence structure etc. In later years he might fit the mould of "little professor" syndrome and I think this may be one of the things that is causing your GP to steer away from saying ASD at the moment. However, language and communication needs change and alter as a child gets older. For a two year old it is often seen as just sufficient if they can express their needs and point things out. However, an eight year old is expected to be able to engage in conversations, to discuss things with friends and adults, to ask questions, to understand about facial expressions, basic body language, peer relationships, a whole host of things. So if your ds was speaking as he is now but was older then the GP might well be looking more closely at, say, Aspergers or HFA. Your ds may have very good language skills but his communication skills, his ability to understand that verbal language is often a two way process that needs to take into account what the other person is saying, to understand what the other person is saying appears a different matter.
Then, of course, there is his fantastic memory, his ability to recall seemingly trivial details about things.
It does not appear, in any way, that this is anything you are doing wrong. It is not your fault.

hi again! Its been an ok weekend I have been really exhausted but DH has been around so I've been able to rest a little more. Its funny because Saturday the specialist who DX DS Friday sent me an email suggesting it was Aspergers. Also in the post that day I got something from Autism Anglia with a big long fact sheet about ASD/AS and it highlighted some difference between them and from my perspective, purely going off that information sheet he matched up more closely with AS though I need to read through it again properly.

Everything has just fallen in to place now since Friday. All his games that we play every single day several times a day with the same rules etc. And he is so lovely and can be so very affectionate... when he is parted from me with his Dad in a shop for a few minutes he will come running down the aisle when he sees me yelling "Mama!!!!" and throw himself into my arms. But also when I am reading to him at bedtime and its my turn over and now Daddy's turn to read I cuddle him and say I love him and he just turns to me and says "go away now Mama its Daddy's turn". He isnt trying to be horrible he just doesnt understand its a very very abrupt way of being dismissed. And when we have had friends over and he has wanted them to leave he just walks up to them and says so. But he will often talk about loving them and kissing & cuddling them - when they arent around.

I dont know there are dozens of things. Right now my head is cloudy from migraine and I am going to go lay down til dinner but later I must start writing them all down for when he sees the specialist.

His language is fantastic. I dont know how physically able children his age are supposed to be but I suspect he may not be as coordinated as some of his peers. He cant put shoes on or off etc.