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SN children

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Original poster

Birthday party...to be or not to be?

20 replies

claw3 · 19/01/2009 14:43

Ds birthday is coming up soon. He has sensory issues, so basically doesnt like to be touched, noise and hardly eats anything.

He has asked if he can have a party, he has never had one before or been invited to one. He has only just started school and doesnt have any particular friends. Im not sure if he realises what this could mean. I dont think it would be a good idea as he will probably end up hiding under the table with his hands over his ears and telling all the kids to go away! I was thinking of a day out somewhere, like we always do.

But seen as he has asked, i will never know unless we try.

Your thoughts, birthday party or not?

OP posts:

Twims · 19/01/2009 14:48

Can you not have a quiet party ie invite 2 or 3 other children, and do some activities on a theme ie make it a dinosaur party and have dinosaurs to play with, a drawing/painting/sticking activitity, food that he will eat but cut into a dinosaur shape. Just make it calm and slow and for a short period of time.

Original poster

claw3 · 19/01/2009 14:57

Thats a good idea, keeping it small, that just might work. Dinosaurs roar though, more of a mouse party for him, i think

OP posts:

Widemouthfrog · 19/01/2009 14:57

I had a similar dilemma for DS1 when he was 5. We went for the family day out but took a friend. We decorated the house and had a birthday tea with cake with his friend and DS2 when we got back. He felt he had a 'party' and was happy with this.

He loves other kids parties, but immediately gets anxious at the suggestion that he might like something similar.

I would try something simple and low key, maybe with a couple of children who your DS well. Something like TWIMS suggested.

Clarissimo · 19/01/2009 14:58

We take ds1 and a feew friends bowling (they do a party package): minimum noise, set rules and no touching

fab

Original poster

claw3 · 19/01/2009 15:02

He will be 5 on this birthday. He doesnt have any friends to be honest. Kids in nursery avoided him like the plague. I have no family or friends with children his age.

So any children we did invite would have to be from school, he only started in Janaury, so wouldnt know them at all.

Perhaps it might be better to opt for day out this year and party next. Then on the other hand what better way to make friends than invite them to your party. Im so indecisive!

OP posts:

trace2 · 19/01/2009 15:11

i made the mistake of invinting all his class to a soft play last year( at the time didnt know what was wrong with him) he was the only one who sat with me no food no face painting really i just paid for class to have a party

Widemouthfrog · 19/01/2009 15:14

Can your DS tell you what he expects a party to be? You say he has never been to one. Hosting a party with school friends that he does not know could be overwhelming.
Is he just picking up that parties are what you do on a birthday without understanding what he is asking for? What would he do if you chose the day out option?

jennybensmummy · 19/01/2009 15:20

would he accept a party that what just family so everything else was ideal for him and clearly a party ie banners etc but all people who understand and wont sing happy birthday if he doesnt want and food he wants etc without having to meet evryone elses expectations so to speak.

Original poster

claw3 · 19/01/2009 15:55

Wide - He got the idea from seeing birthday invites being handed out at nursery, he started to ask what they were and that one day he was going to have one of his own. (i think this was a case of i dont care if im not invited, il just have one of my own)

Our next door neighbour had a garden party for her DD in the summer and he could hear all the laughing etc and decided it must be fun. I dont think he has made the connection between a party and being touched, noise etc.

He expects it will be fun and wants friends to come and chocolate cake. He cant name any of the friends he would like to come, but he wants children there. Basically i think he is trying to fit in and wants to do what he thinks other kids do.

OP posts:

bubblagirl · 19/01/2009 16:00

hi claw could you just have a few children over to play and some cake and then do a family apart afterwards so more play date then party with children and then have a more upbeat party when they have gone incase he does have sensory issues and doesn't enjoy party with children

you could still have some music and maybe you could get some paint your own vehicles etc and they could all paint there own to take home with them

then your not stuck for few hours dealing with the other children if your ds cannot handle noise etc just stick to an hr half paint own vehicles p[lay quietish game pass the parcel or something have some cake and send them on there way lol

Original poster

claw3 · 19/01/2009 16:00

Jenny - Thats basically what we have done in the past, day out, come home to tea and birthday cake with his older brothers.

This year when i gave him the options of day out, bowling or aquarium, he said he didnt want to do either, he wanted to have a party.

He is a kid, so im sure he would settle for a day out. But then i thought would a party really be so terrible, whats the worst that could happen!!

OP posts:

bubblagirl · 19/01/2009 16:00

apart should be party lol

Original poster

claw3 · 19/01/2009 16:17

Hi there Bubbla, he has had one play date with twins from nursery coming here to play. He basically avoided them, if they were in the garden, he was indoors and vice versa!! he didnt want to invite them back again. Mind you they were very loud and in your face kinda kids!

Perhaps i should try organising some play dates first and see how they go, then decide on party.

Its kinda like he loves the idea of being friends until it becomes a reality and he then finds it difficult.

Thanks everyone for all your ideas

OP posts:

bubblagirl · 19/01/2009 16:33

oh bless him well you could try a play date again if not make invites for the family and let him hand them out for his party

tipsycat · 19/01/2009 22:53

Is it worth asking your DS teacher about who he plays with or sits next to in class or at lunchtime? I'm sure she's be happy to suggest a few nice children you could invite.

Do you have any sensory rooms nearby where you could hold a party? Or do you have a zoo nearby which your DS likes to visit, and maybe invite 1 or 2 extra chldren? Private hire of swimming pool?

Original poster

claw3 · 20/01/2009 10:51

Tipsy - He has only been at school for 2 weeks now and he doesnt seem to have any friends just yet. It wouldnt hurt to ask though, but im fully expecting a 'well your son should know who his friends are' reply!

Thanks for all your ideas, given me plenty to think about. Will let you know, if i opt for party

OP posts:

Original poster

claw3 · 23/01/2009 08:34

Yay ds came home with his first ever party invite in his school bag yesterday!!!!

Im so chuffed for him, he must be making friends

OP posts:

5inthebed · 23/01/2009 12:19

Awww very exciting! Hope he enjoys it!

lingle · 23/01/2009 18:28

invite friend of each of older children? choosing the most sensible quiet ones?

If they are old enough, they could make paper helicopters for him to drop from the top of the stairs and flutter down noiselessly.

devientenigma · 24/01/2009 23:30

Hey Claw, snap I'm also trying to decide wether or not to have a party. Similar issues. Quite a hard decision.

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