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What should I do? Genuine request for opinions!!

23 replies

WedgiesMum · 16/01/2009 20:16

Background - DS is 9 and has AS. He has been permanently excluded from school (appealing but don't want him to go back there, just want the px off his record) and has been at home since the start of November. I am desperate to get him back into school (mainstream) asap. LEA have been a bit rubbish at helping us to find somewhere although our Inclusion Officer has been great at suggesting places to look.

We want to find somewhere for him that is experienced with children who have complex behvioural issues and ASD and particularly somewhere that actually 'wants' him at their school - we have had a lot of experience of school not wanting him there and making it pretty clear to us and him.

I have been speaking to various schools, and had a lot of fobbing off - 'we are full' 'our classrooms are too small to accept more children' 'there are other children in that year who have very extreme behaviour' - as soon as they hear about the px. And this has put me off insisting we go and see them anyway as it is obvious they will not be coming from a position of wanting him. However, as he has a statement we can name any school we like and they pretty much have to have him. (Sorry long background )

Been to see 2 schools this week as possibles. And having liked both of them am in a bit of a quandry , should I look at more and drag it out, or decide out of these 2? And which one to choose? We liked both and DS liked both.

School 1: Close by, medium sized, two male teachers in his year group, 3 children with ASD already in school, good clear behaviour system, on way to and from DD's school and times fit in well for taking and picking up DD. Slightly circumspect about having him, made it very clear that they would have to consult with governors and that it was not an automatic 'yes', but not negative about having him, Head was nice. Behaviour TA's in school well trained and teaching staff well into positive behaviour management. They do t'ai chi every week.

School 2: Small school with catchment within quite a deprived area. In opposite direction to DD school, would mean serious juggling to do DD's drop offs and pick ups but not impossible. Lovely Head who seemed actively to want DS and had already spoken to the Inclusion Officer about him, keen to see his statement, really switched on about SEN. SENCO relatively young, new to school but from a Special School background, lots of TA support in his year group, lovely nurture group, just setting up own positive play rooms (next few weeks). Excellent clear, behaviour system. Lovely calm environment in school. Loads of experience of complex children and it was recommended by the Inclusion Officer.

So do we decide from these 2 (I work in a school as a TA so have seen several other school locally anyway 'professionally', who I would not consider) or look further - and have to listen to lots of excuses about why their school is not right for him without having met us? If we do decide on one of these which?We need to decide soon and get the ball rolling as it will take about a month to get it sorted and DH is currently at home looking after DS but will shortly be starting a new job and I would have to give up work if DS is not in school.

HELP oh wise ones!!!!

(ps sorry for the length but I needed to get it down right!)

OP posts:
MatNanPlusAbroad · 16/01/2009 20:20

I can see the pro's and con's and it seems from reading your explanation that School 2 actively want your DS, the juggling of school runs would be a pain but sound like the rewards for your DS would be positive.

Clarissimo · 16/01/2009 20:20

School one sounded nice and I thought yes- but school two almost glowed from your description! IME deprived areas are often better for schools for SEN kids (we're looking at one as well, right in the middle of a massive council estate someone once named on MN as the scariest place in the UK- very much removed (not geographiocally) from our village and soooooo much happier and more welcoming.

School 2 just seems right.

I have a 9 year old with AS ./ HFA and extremely challenging behaviour also, BtW.

MatNanPlusAbroad · 16/01/2009 20:21

Is there any chance that DH & DS could spend a day at each school to get a feel for them under normal operating conditions?

kettlechip · 16/01/2009 20:25

I'm thinking school 2 also. I think the fact that they really want him there speaks volumes and will make you feel happier too.

I do understand the point about convenience though - you will have to do the drop offs every day so need to be happy with them. I think you need to weigh up if there could be potential issues if they both have after school things going on etc.

feelingbetter · 16/01/2009 20:51

I think you might already know that it's school 2.

misscutandstick · 16/01/2009 21:00

what i read was more a decision about weighing up the hassle between dropping off DD and the positive side of the school wanting to have your DS there... will the out of the wayness be overcome by the comfort of mind that school will give you? i think it will.

i really didnt read that it was a choice of schools TBH. School 2 is the way to go.

TotalChaos · 16/01/2009 21:00

school 2 does sound preferable. school 1 sounds adequate, but school 2 much better; a very good sign that head was so positive.

WedgiesMum · 16/01/2009 21:13

You see I knew I came to the right place!

Have to say I do have a preference for 2 and the only thing that made me think twice was the drop off/pick up thing - you all caught me out The major things that grabbed me were the fact that despite it being friday afternoon the school was really calm, the Head seemed to want him there and the positive play stuff they had. DS has been going to pp sessions recently and loving them and behaving really well at them too.

School 2 finishes at 3.30 and DD finishes at 3.40 but is a 20 min drive away. Not really worried about the morning as I could probably get kids club to have DD from 8.30 and she would go happily, but would want to mostly pick her up from school. Was thinking about asking school 2 if they thought that it would be ok to get DS at 3.15 or 3.20. then I could definitely do it.

OP posts:
Novacane · 16/01/2009 21:14

You can tell by the way you have written your post that you know it's no 2. It is whatever is best for your DS ultimately. School 2.

misscutandstick · 16/01/2009 21:16

Just a wild guess here, but wouldnt it benefit DS to pick him up very slightly early anyway? just thinking about the hustle and bustle of children leaving school and i understand that it upsets many ASD kids.

just a quick thought, sorry if im completely wrong.

Blossomhill · 16/01/2009 21:27

Wedgie ~ definitely go with your heart and number 2 sounds great.

I have to say I am so upset at the way your LEA have treated yr ds. Have you contacted your local mp about how the school have treated him?

WedgiesMum · 16/01/2009 21:28

I have to say that it had crossed my mind too misscutandstick! Great minds and all that

He has always had a tendency to run off in a crowded playground as it is too stressful and noisy and he doesn't like people looking at him too much. Then people stare even more because I'm roaring 'stand still' so the whole playground stops

OP posts:
WedgiesMum · 16/01/2009 21:32

Still in the appeal process Blossom - got our appeal to the LEA two weeks today to see if they will over turn the School Governors decision. But am more than willing to go to local MP if we need to - it's Denis Skinner and he has been very helpful in the past on local issues.

OP posts:
Tclanger · 16/01/2009 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daisy5678 · 16/01/2009 22:11

School 2 sounds brill, and I MAY have an idea about a solution to the only problem: check your LEA's home-school transport policy. Most places will say that they will pay for transport if the school named in the Statement is the closest appropriate school but still too far (3 miles or whatever it is for a child of his age) to walk to. Since he's been excluded from what I assume was your local one, you could be lucky and get a taxi paid for pick up and drop off.

Or, if there is a school within the reasonable distance (3 miles or whatever - it'll be on your LEA website, or should be!) the LEA might say that they would like to name that school as the placement but will name the school you want on the basis that you don't ask for transport.

Either way, worth looking into as a lot of Statemented kids do get transport as their local school is not their school placement.

The nurture groups and play rooms sound fab! but also because you deserve somewhere nice, as does DS!

NewAmazingBeginning · 16/01/2009 22:14

I would say school 2 on the basis of your OP.

amber32002 · 17/01/2009 07:57

School 2. The immediate welcome is 95% of the battle. If they're that welcoming, the rest will follow.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/01/2009 08:38

WM

Another vote here for school 2 besides which these people have a nurture group. I sincerely wish more schools have these, they could do with one in my son's school.

Would also suggest you look into your LEA's school transport policy re transport issues.

Clarissimo · 17/01/2009 09:31

Yep, I was also going to suggest the transport idea: if ds3 gets his school place then he will be drive there by LEA (its automatic at this school but even if it wasnt there's only so many statemented kids you can drop off at different schools at once LOL)

WedgiesMum · 18/01/2009 22:03

Thanks everyone. Much appreciated opinions

DH and I have talked and talked about this all weekend and decided on school 2 (surprise!). We want him to have the best chance of succeeding at any school he goes to because we think that if he fails at the next one he will just 'give up' on thinking that school is a good place to be (and I wouldn't blame him either!). We think that school 2 will have the best chance of success for him.

Will look into the transport thing too. But DD would be happy in kids club for the 10 minutes she would need every morning as I woulod definitely want to be going to school with DS to help him go in and at the end of the day it would be better for him if he came out early anyway as he hates coming out into the crowds at the end of the day.

(Hope everything goes ok with the meetings this week TC)

OP posts:
Blossomhill · 19/01/2009 08:42

Wedgiesmum ~ not sure you know anything about direct payments? We used some of ours (agreed by the sw) to pay for dd to go to breakfast club, so that I could take ds to school.

WedgiesMum · 21/01/2009 20:32

Well we phoned the LEA on Monday to name the school on his statement and phoned round everyone involved to let them know. Had to leave a message for the Head at school 2 as she was in a meeting. She phoned us back and was LOVELY on the phone, thanked us for choosing her school, talking about arranging a meeting with her, the Inclusion officer and all sorts of other people to get things moving and she finished by saying how much they were looking forward to having him

It's the first time a school has been actively pleased we chose them! So far it feels like the right choice!

OP posts:
roisin · 21/01/2009 22:25

Just seen this thread - thanks for the heads up text!
Fantastic news: I'm delighted.

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