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Dd really annoying me - need some sympathy please.

10 replies

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 15/01/2009 09:24

i've just shown myself up again outside school by telling my disabled dd to 'walk properly and stop mucking around'. She nearly 3 and has cp, uses a kaye walker and is clever enough to know how to wind me up.

Everywhere i go people tell me how sweet she is and 'isn't she doing well' but she is still a normal toddler with the ability to wind me up. today someone stopped to let us cross the road and she then decided to go really slowly across the road and then stop in the middle to admire the sky. Meanwhile, cars waiting to drop off their own kids etc so I end up shouting and then people look at me like the evil bitch who's shouting at the disabled kid. . Next she decided that instead of walking on the pavement where she's stable she would career off onto the bank , where she fell over and landed in the mud. I had asked her to walk properly but being a toddler she made her own mind up.

People look at me like I'm a real cow but just because she is disabled doesn't make her exempt from pissing me off and deliberately mucking around. It would help if I could park nearer the school but of course it's full of people parked on the yellow lines without a disabled badge. I think from now on I am going to have to put her in the pushchair again but it's a real shame as she really enjoys using her kaye walker.

I'm feeling really hormonal as newly pregnant as well which doesn't help. I do love her but refuse to allow her to get away with stuff that I wouldn't have let her big sister do. If she wasn't using a walking frame it would be perfectly acceptable to tell off a toddler for mucking around when crossing the road but as it is, I get the looks like I am the cow from hell. .

OP posts:
debs40 · 15/01/2009 09:33

You poor thing!!!

Don't be so tough on yourself. Try not to think about anything too deeply whilst pregnant as it'll drive you potty!!

My brother has cp and is now in his 40s and he is a human being like anyone else with the capacity to wind me up and annoy me.

To treat her as some unchallengeable angel is to undermine who she is - a human being with her own mind who sometimes decides she doesn't want to do what her mum does. To think anything else is to see her disability only and that's not fair.

You concentrate on yourself and your kids and leave everyone else to their own thoughts. You are only human for goodness sake!!

I'm sure they were in fact thinking how tough it must be for you. It always just feels as if people are thinking you are a crap mum when you challenge your child - whether your child is disabled or not!!

PheasantPlucker · 15/01/2009 09:48

Hi there, stop being hard on yourself!

Not sure if this helps, but I am constantly told at the hospital by dd's therapists that we NEED to treat her like any other child as much as possible, and that if we let some of the behaviours spiral out of control (some dd cannot help, some are just her being a bit 'difficult' like other children!) we are not helping her at all long term.

If the people waiting for your dd at the crossing are parents at the school they are probably just really glad to see your dd trying so hard and doing so well, so don't worry too much. I am sure they won't mind waiting an extra few minutes/seconds - although I agree when you are the parent it seems like an eternity! xx

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 15/01/2009 10:02

I am so messed up with pregnancy hormones and of course the added stresses of considering what life will be like with a baby and dd (not her fault of course but find myself thinking how i'll manange) - anyway, just to prove a point that she is quite lovely really.. when I got off the computer I found her in the kitchen trying to load all the dirty washing in the machine to help me out . She's now quietly trying to ram Daddy pig and peppa into the plastic tree house toy.. .

OP posts:
silverfrog · 15/01/2009 10:02

I know just how you feel.

I am in a real spiral at the moment. dd1 (ASD) is constantly winding me up (on purpose, doing similar things to those you have described - also fiddling with everything, doing the opposite of what I ask, teasing her sister - everything you'd expect of a 4 year old, really).

And I react.

so she does it more.

the last few weeks have been a real battle ground, and I am trying to take a step back and ignore as otherwise each day starts off wrong, and spirals out o control (sounds over dramatic but it really does) we end up picking at each other, and the more I react the more she plays up (again, just like a "normal" 4 year old)

easier said than done, though, especially when she is in the middle of a deliberate wind up (her current favourite is to wait until we are inthe car ,having left favourite teddies behind (essential as I am tryingt o stop using the buggy, and can't hold onto both dds and their toys). dd1 doesn't mind leaving hers behind, and waits until i start the engine and then asks "dd2, where's Raffey (her favourite rag toy - a giraffe)? All hell breaks loose, with dd2 wailing away, while dd1 sits and giggles. sigh)

5inthebed · 15/01/2009 10:24

Gosh we have all been here. Its other peoples accusing stares and "perfect parent" attitudes that make it worse in a situation like this (I feel so anyway), and you wouldnt be human for not going off on one.

Having had a baby 7 weeks ago, I completely sympathis with you being pregnant and having a child that likes to wind you up. Congratulations by the way.

My ds2 has autism,and we have also been told to treat him as normal as possible, but when he is refusing to walk, and clinging onto the fence outside of school when I'm in a hurry to get the bus home, its another matter. Then I look like the bad mother for shouting at him.

PheasantPlucker · 15/01/2009 11:03

HBOB I forgot to say congratulations! x

feelingbetter · 15/01/2009 11:22

Congratulations!

It's a credit to your parenting that you don't treat her any differently to any other toddler.

And, it is her job to wind you up!

Don't be so hard on yourself, I doubt there's a mum alive who hasn't lost it with their own annoying toddler SN or not. And those who say they haven't are lying.
Cup of tea and big slice of cake for you.

Can't really add anything more constructive coz I must admit to having a little chuckle at her stopping to admire the sky! Little devil xx

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 15/01/2009 11:30

i think the bit that made most parents was me telling her to 'walk properly or not at all' - she walks with an obvious cerebral palsy gait so they must have thought I was being really mean - but you see I don't see the frame or the funny walking - I just see my little girl who is really cute sometimes and other times knows exactly how to wind me up!

Silverfrog - my sympathies! my dd1 does the same, dd2 nearly asleep.. hasn't noticed cherished teddy still downstairs... 'dd2, wears your teddy?' - cue weeping and wailing!

I think all children do it, there's just this kind of patronising perception that if they have SN they can't be naughty and also that we have somehow been 'chosen' for this special task - No, we're just normal parents, some days great, some days hormonal and niggly and grumpy.

Anyway, to cheer us both us dd and I have made a giant chocolate cake which is smelling lovely now so could be ready to come out of the oven..

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dsrplus8 · 15/01/2009 11:55

oh the joys..... sounds like your dd really knows how to push your buttons! you have my sympathy,count to ten and breath slowly. congrats by the way .

BriocheDoree · 15/01/2009 16:07

Congrats on the pregnancy HBB!
Silverfrog, my DD is also 4 and a bloody pain. It's really reassuring when I see NT four year olds also being a bloody pain and I realise it's not just her and her SN.
HBB, hope for you that three is the bad age and four is better . I found being pregnant and dealing with DD was a nightmare, so can sympathise...

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