Advice please on open forum meetings

[devilsavacado]

DH and I attended a meeting today re our DS at the school.

He has selective mutism and a phonological delay so the relevant professionals were in attendance.

SENCO,headmistress,his 1:1, parent support worker,clinical physchologist and 2 ladies from the LEA one of which was co ordinating the meeting and we had not met her before.
This was our first open forum meeting although we had had school meetings previously.

I had compiled a 16 page report beforehand which was requested answering qusetions on early development up to the present day.

What am I am querying is that the meeting started at 2pm and would end at 4pm.
We were asked to come along at 3pm and so the previous hour of the meeeting was held without us and it was in that hour that they went through my report.
I feel a bit miffed to put it mildly that we were excluded from the first hour and feel I should have been present to back up my report and put forward my points.
The last hour hardly covered my report felt it was all a bit rushed and did'nt have a chance to make my feelings known.

When I questioned why we were were'nt asked to attend at the start of the meeting I was told they would only be going over and catching up on previous meetings with the lady who was new to the meetings.

Am I being over sensitive here or did we have any rights and should have insisted to be present at all of the meeting to discuss our DS?

Hiya devilsavacado,

I don't think you are being over sensitive.
I myself am just becoming used to the 'knowing' nod or 'knowing' look that prevails amongst the said professionals regarding our precious little ones.

How they earn their money I suppose.

Suspect they think most folk dumb....

How to deal with it... with calmness.
& taking minutes (notes) or recordings... focus their minds!

You & I, and all in this situation, have every right to know everything.

I attend meetings of this sort as a salt for people with SN. I've never heard of it done like this though.Can well understand that it would get right up a parent's nose though, especially coming immediately before the open meeting.

If they did want to discuss matters away from you,they could have done so via e mail or in another meeting in their time.

No. I wouldn't be happy at all. I suspect they are panicking about the '16 page report' and trying to work out if yuo are going to kick off big time.

Well, they have certainly given you a valid reason to do just that now!

colourist-thanks for your reply.

Your post makes a lot of sense.
I suspect after numerous meetings I have become suspicious and cynical.
Will be interesting to see if the minutes for the hour we missed are included in the report for the meeting when sent to us.

To further add...

Yes, you have rights.
I'm in Scotland, slightly different.

Here it's Education Services... you will have an equivalent, 'phone & put the wind up them.

Your child is your child.

Ask for the minutes (if not sent), citing your right to do so under the Freedom of Information Act 2000.

Sorry moondog crossed posts.

That was my first reaction why hold the meeting beforehand.

Theyalso kept us waiting 10 mins and we were sent for.

I expect they were panicking a bit re the report as the lady from the LEA commented on how long the report was and that they did'nt expect it to be so extensive.

I just feel I should be made aware of the responses by all at the meeting to my report as I was not present when it was discussed.

I can only imagine my request in asking for someone to come on board who has experience in dealing with selective mutism ,which sadly has been lacking in the past,did'nt go down too well.

Your points are completely justified.

I would be contacting SNAP/Parent Partnership and also looking at IPSEA and SOS SEN websites if i were you. Start preparing yourself now and don't trust anyone.You are the best advocate for your child.

And asking for someone with relevant professional experience is perfectly justified if you haven't had access to such an individual yet.They're not doing you a favour-they have a statutory duty to meet your ds's needs.

Thank you colourist and moondog for the information.

Sadly it all comes down to funding and finding a person with the relevant experience.

It was blatantly obvious in todays meeting and previous meetings that we have no one involved who fully understands selective mutism.
It is very frustrating when dealing with so many mis conceptions and ignorant attitudes.

I myself apart from dealing with DS day to day have gotton all my information from books and the internet but as I pointed out today is not the same as having someone on board who has real experience with SM.

I understand, in part, your frustrations.
I fight on as there is no other option. My son is autistic, high functioning & selctively dense when it pleases him.
As you can fight on for your child.

Sounds ridiculously trite.. but stay strong.

X

I understand, in part, your frustrations.
I fight on as there is no other option. My son is autistic, high functioning & selctively dense when it pleases him.
As you can fight on for your child.

Sounds ridiculously trite.. but stay strong.

X

Hello devilsavacado. My dd (age 8) has SM at school. The teachers and SALT didn't know a huge deal about it, but they found out. I believe they contacted a specialist in the field and got videos, literature, etc, and all got to know what it is about.

As for the meeting, my ds has other issues, and we go to the 'catch up' meeting bit. It took a good part of an hour, and then we go on to discuss the other topics. We're included in all the meetings. (We're also in Scotland, so not sure if it is different.) Perhaps you could request to be on the invite to all the meetings in future? Our paed just adds the names of anyone who needs to be coming to the meetings and makes sure to include them the next time.

Also, if you get a statement, make sure that being invited to all the meetings is a part of it.

Colourist-thanks for that.

It is difficult to stay strong sometimes as you always feel you are fighting an uphill battle.

Mommyupnorth-the people involved have all been given relevant literature in the past but still does'nt stop the ignorant comments we come across from time to time.
I purchased the selective mutism resource manual and recommended the school get a copy as neither of the professionals at the meeting had heard of it.

I usually attend all meetings but for some reason the meeting yesterday went ahead in part without us.
Do you attend sliding in sesions with your DD at school?

Moondog-My son has a statement already of 22 hours a week so will check my paperwork and see what it says with regards to meetings.
Thanks.

I haven't attended the sliding in sessions. They've taken a new approach this year. She has one friend that she was keen to talk to (though it was more of a whisper) so they started games session with just them (& SALT), and the group has grown to 5 children now, and they rotate who comes into the group. She is finally speaking in the games sessions, and is starting to open up in class.

The trouble with all of her sessions before is that they weren't consistent. They finally put in place these sessions every single day, and it has helped so much! We have a long way to go, but this year has changed everything.

Good luck to you and your son trying to get the school to help.

Mommyupnorth-

My DS is know having sliding in sessions with his 1:1 and another little boy from his class.
He will whisper in those sessions but still says nothing in class in front of his peers.

He was only having 2 half hour sessions a week and as you say that is not consistent enough so they are looking into increasing the time per week.

Thank you for your good wishes,good luck to you and your DD also.