Food, do you back down or keep going

[alfiemama]

Part of my New Years Eve resolution was to try and get my ds 4 who has major food issues (seems to eat only beige food) to eat what we have been eating, spag bol, chilli, shep pie etc.

I had been very shamefully letting him eat his safe food and am now trying to push the boundaries a little.

But it is so distressing, do you push the food issues like you would with a nt child (being assessed for As) or do you just let them eat what they feel is ok for them.

food he will eat

Bread Roll
plain bread
Chicken
Plain Pasta
Yoghurt (onyl certain brands and beige)
apple
grapes (ooh green)
Noodles
Cereal with no milk
Burger
Sausage (all plain tho)
Porridge (sometimes)
Rice Plain
pringle crisp
jammy dodgers
sugar snaps (green again lol)
Mince plain

He will only eat certain textures and goes off things at a drop of a hat without any notice.
Im at a complete loss with this, we did have the hv come round and he was weighed regulary, she said to have a tub with all the goodies he likes, we concentrated on just trying to increase the cal intakes, my adding dble cream to yogs etc. But if I try and sneak things in, he loses trust in me.

Will only drink water (dont mind this) but watches fill his bottle up at the tap.

I think because it's a sensory disability issue if it is an ASD, it's better to negotiate than force. I'm not a nutritionist, but I'd say that's not a terrible diet. Frustrating for you, but a lad I know has existed on sausages, peas and honey sandwiches and crisps for almost his whole life, and is so far very fit and healthy, so I guess it could be worse.

So difficult to explain to people what sensory problems are like, but I can understand why he panics over some things.

My DS has ASD he is 3.9 he has very little understanding of language so negotiation is difficult. What we do is cook for him what we are eating and leave it for him to explore/ study and hopefully eventually eat. We never force the issue but I do try and leave a significant amount of time before offering a very plain alternative so that he dosen't learn he gets something better if he doesn't eat it. If he tries and doesn't like I might wait a while before reintroducing it.

Could you try using the food he likes and very gradually adapting them. Adding something to porridge etc?

Thanks Amber, why do you think he would panic? I wish I could get inside his head sometimes.

I just cant work out what it is, its not just carbs, or dairy, there just doesnt seem to be any rhyme or reason.

Thanks Staryeyed, that it is kind of what I am doing, using section plates and just put a little bit of what we have on there. I am also giving him a slice of bread, though with his meal, but he seems to just be eating this. If he doesnt have anything he is physically sick the next day.

Tried adding things, but then he doesnt trust me and then refuses to eat anything.

I have just had a mini success, it has taken him an hour, but he has eaten half a bagel, because I told him he couldnt leave the table until he had it, I didnt make a fuss, just said that, he cried, I went upstairs to put laundry away.

The weird thing is, the things I know he doesnt like he will say "hmm mummy its good this" because he knows that is what I want to hear.

breaks my heart

Sorry Amber, what I meant to say is would you maybe be able to explain, from an Aspergic point of view what you experience feelings you experience with food. I know this would help me and I am sure others also.

I have read your diary and found it very insightful.

thanks

My DS (who is AS) when he was younger was very limited in what he would eat but now at 9 he is much more adventurous. We found him being much more flexible once he got to being about 6 or so. Now because he is older we negotiate and he will at least try things - I always say just have one mouthful and if you don't like it then it's not a problem at least you have tried. In the last year he has been persuaded to try - and now eats - spag bol, naan bread, pepperoni pizza and chicken tikka masala!!!!

When he was younger I never tried to 'hide' things in his acceptable foods cos he always knew so we only ever added one food at a time and just a teeny tiny bit on his plate that he had to eat until we sussed if he really hated it or just needed time to get the hang of eating it. Different textures give different sensory reactions and different tastes do the same and can be too overwhelming which is why it makes some children reluctant and anxious to try new foods as the stimulus is just far too much and too scarey.

Even now certain things are a no go - chewy meat (beef, steak, pork, lamb etc that is cooked until it is just a bit chewy) will never be swallowed just chewed and chewed until I let him spit it out, but chicken (and other meat) that is moist and cooked as he likes it is ok as is mince and sliced things like ham. Dry things are also very hard for him to eat so we get through large quantities of ketchup, but at least DS will then eat things.

So really I guess what I'm saying is I think things will improve as he gets older as you will be able to discuss it more, and only introduce one new thing at a time with his full knowledge, not hiding anything so he trusts you.

Hope that helps?

WMxx

Oh and by the way it will take AGES to introduce new things as they take a long time to get used to them and you will feel like giving up but then one day they'll have a big plate of something and you suddenly realise 'six months ago they wouldn't even have looked at this'.

The exception to this rule is things they have had at school that they have made, seen made etc then they will love it as with my DS and honey! Wouldn't have it for 7 years then had it whilst doing the romans at school and now loves it - go figure

I think you have to keep trust - do not trick him into accepting new foods that you hide in the familiar ones, or you risk the familiar ones not being eaten as well. My DS has HFA and his diet is very restricted. As long his diet is reasonably balanced then i would not really force anything. However do keep offering other choices beside the accepted ones. I am finding that DS at 4 reduced his list of accepted foods drastically, but now at 5.5 he is slowly starting to expand it again, but this is led by him.
I would shy away from not allowing a child to leave the table until they have eaten something, especially if an ASD type disorder is suspected, as this will reinforce eating at the table as a stressful and anxious time.
Do keep the list of accepted foods offered on a regular rotation thouhg, as i realised too late that by not offering a food regularly, it too would become unacceptable, as it was not part of the routine.
I find new foods are more readily accepted if something else is different eg. my DS will eat tomatoes when he is in a cafe but not at home. Children may accept different foods at school but not at home - it breaks the rigidity of thought and choice

Thank you, you have both given me good advice and well to be honest hope. Cheesey as that seems.

Ds ate a carrot at school, the other day, so that could perhaps explain that one. I must be honest instead of being overjoyed I was miffed that I have tried for years and to no avail.

Its so hard isnt it? I just don't want him to start losing weight again.

Do you think the paed may refer to a dietician?

Hi, my DS3 is 6 and ASD. He has a very restricted diet consisting of bread & butter/toast, chocolate, strawberry fromage frais, chocolate biscuits. No fruit or veg, meat, chicken or fish. He will drink milk and a toasted cheese sandwich with a tiny amount of cheese in it. In the last 3 months he has started to drink orange Innocent smoothies (thank god). He is very thin and only on 2lbs last year. The paed told me not to worry and let him eat what he wants without stressing him. She has told me we will tackle his eating when he is about 8. It has lifted the stress from meal times. She was happy he had put on weight even only a small amount.

I think the answer is to back off and don't put pressure on yourselves and him

My son is 16 and ASD. At your DS's age the list of foods he would eat was very similar. We continued to offer food and allowed him to help with food prep and very slowly he introduced more foods into his range. He still struggles with mixing food, for example he can eat roast beef and gravy but he cannot tolerate stews or casseroles in any shape or form. DS now eats lots of things I never thought he'd touch and I can even allow foods like spaghetti and teh bolognaise sauce to touch on his plate.

Taking the pressure away from him and allowing him some control helped him. In fact, I think the hardest thing for me was accepting that I'd done nothing wrong, nothing that made him like that it is just a part of him having ASD. Once I could see that I began to forgive myself which allowed myself to take the pressure off him.

Hmm, from an Aspie point of view...imagine sitting down to a plateful of brillo pad, doused in the strongest bleach smell you can think of, and prepared to a temperature of either freezing or red hot. When you chew on it, the sound echoes like gunfire. Now imagine eating it. Sensory sensitivities. The smallest things for us are like massive things to you.

The knack for us is often finding foods that are slightly less like a brillo pad, might be slightly less overwhelmingly smelly than bleach, might just be a tolerable temperature, and doesn't deafen us when we eat it. If that food happens to be beige, we'll hope that all beige food is the same.

We gradually build up confidence, but it takes AGES to try a new food and prepare to find out which combination of brillo, bleach and gunfire this one is.

Slightly exaggerated, but it's not that far wrong.

DS (4.8) lang delay, supposedly probably not ASD has a very similar diet to your DS - I would class it as limited but not direly limited. I would just keep on offering new stuff and try some gentle coaxing persuasion, but not really do more than that. A slight help has been getting DS involved with cooking filled pasta (he ate a few filled mushroom tortellini last week, which probably upped his veg intake for the year by about 300%!).

I think what you said about your son losing trust in you when you hide things in his food is really important.

I started a bribery book a couple of years ago. I write down new foods my sons try and pay a fee for 4 stages, a nibble, a little chunk, 2 little chunks, then final payment for a little portion, I do mean pretty little. There are no further payments after that, on the basis that they are meant to get pleasure out of eating it after that.

The key to this approach is that I save money if they don't try something new and I have a warm mummy moment if they do. There is also a written record of what I have paid for in case of disputes. Also...again...I don't suggest new foods, they have to come up to me and tell me what they have tried, say at a friend's house or at a school lunch.

what a good idea milou!

Ooh Milou, that is a good idea.

Thank you for all your kind comments, makes me feel much better. As you have prob guessed with all my posts we are having a particular bad time with ds at the mo, not sure if tired from after xmas but things seem to have got a lot worse.

Alfies diet isnt great but it is sooooo much better than it was.

So would you just keep going with the food he likes, on a rota basis, even though we are having something different, and then introduce new foods at the same time, say a little of what we are having on his plate and maybe reward if he tries this?

Yup, I'd say that would be a sensible plan. Might be worth exploring vitamin supplements if the doctor thinks it worthwhile, if those can be added to a drink or something and he knows that they're good for him?

You have been given much good counsel here.

We have previously seen a peadiatric dietician re my son and his food phobia. Some of the advice we were given included not hiding other food within food, having regular mealtimes and to eat as a family together at the dining table. BTW its not your fault that this has happened. Food phobia is an issue that is very much under researched clinically and many NHS based dieticians do not know an awful lot about it.

It can take something in the order of 36 attempts to get a child with phobias to fully accept a new taste/texture and in my son's case there are certainly sensory issues. It is a long and hard road for us all.

With help from the above person my son now enjoys eating hamburger, pizza and milk - three foods that six months ago he would NOT have eaten under any circumstances.

Thanks Attila, I am hoping that the paed will refer him to a dietician.
I agree fantastic advice on here, as usual. So glad I found this site.

I think I have prob just tried to push it too soon, and have to back track a little, well a lot.

Food is such a difficult prob tho. Just a simple thing like a childs birthday party, where he can be enjoying himself (well as much as he can) and then the food comes out and you can sense the fear.

Its also hard as he has a young brother, who is turning his nose up at things. Do I give him the same or should I make him eat the same as us and give Alfie something different?

Ps thanks Amber, very interesting to hear it from your perspective, helps a lot