How can I make DD understand when I am addressing HER and when I'm addressing DS?

[BriocheDoree]

I always address them both by name, try to make eye contact if possible, but DD just doesn't understand when I'm talking to her and when I'm talking to DS. For example, we got back from the park, DD already a bit upset (couldn't work out why, possibly got cold) and I noticed DS was yawning so said "Come on, DS, time to get you into bed for your nap". DD not even in the same room. I pop DS into his cot (he was so tired I didn't even have to settle him!) and come out to find DD bawling because she doesn't want to go to bed. Impossible trying to explain as she was too upset (got to the shaking/hiccuping stage!). Whenever DS is being naughty and I shout "DS, NO" she will often start crying from another room. How can I make it clear to her when I mean HER and when I mean DS? Trouble is, DS "gets" eye contact. DD will make eye contact, but doesn't "get" what it means!

I would shorten the language, as she is picking up keywords and not who it is addressed to. It may sound abrupt, but it really works with our ASD DS. Our DS has good expressive language, but poor receptive language, and because his processing of language is slow he will sometimes only pick up on key words like 'bed'.

Could you try something like

'DS, bed, DD stay up'.

We always start talking saying 'DS, listen', and wait for his attention - eye contact or some response such as a pause in what he is doing.

Is she reacting to the word 'No', or tone of voice. Is she assuming she is being told 'no', or is she upset that her brother is being naughty. I think you just have to offer immediate reassurance eg, 'DD Ok'

Thanks, Widemouth, I think you've hit the nail on the head. The problem is really with her receptive speech and I think I'm only just starting to realise how poor it is!