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SN children

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Original poster

My daughter lost her boyfriend yesterday

25 replies

salsmum · 29/12/2008 14:44

He had Muscular Dystrophy was only 20 got a cold a couple of days ago...chest infection and passed away yesterday morning it's breaking my heart seeing her sooo upset and of course I feel so helpless. She said he always wanted to see her in [their] wedding dress she is saying she wants to have a photograph of them together and it to be 'created' by photographer that she has a wedding dress on [they were dating for 2 1/2 years and were obviously deeply in love] He also liked Man United football team so I was wondering if I could get a signed pic to put in his coffin???
Do you think that a pic of sal in wedding dress would be a little bit wierd? or do you think I should give her her wish? I did'nt react shocked when she mentioned it I thought it was quite sweet. Are there any songs or poems that may give her comfort in the weeks to come? or am I posting in the wrong section??
They both have disabilities so spos I feel more 'connected' to SN

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feelingbitfestive · 29/12/2008 14:54

So sorry. Poor DD.
My initial reaction is the same as yours - it is sweet. If it doesn't hurt anyone and it helps DD, why not? It is hard to know if you are doing the right thing, it must be so difficult.
I think I would post this in bereavement too, or just have a little look over there. That is where you'll find poems and songs etc. xx

Original poster

salsmum · 29/12/2008 15:00

fbf.... it is very difficult but I'm letting her take the lead I spos that I was thinkin Sn may be more sympathetic in the way of when peep find out he had MD they tend to say oh well....maybe its for the best etc... as thou it's some kind of blessing which true carers know life is still precious with or without SN or maybe i'm just being a bit harsh...

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feelingbitfestive · 29/12/2008 15:09

Oh yes, I completely understand why you've posted here, and you are right, those attitudes do exist, sadly.
Perhaps just have a look at others' threads in bereavement for ideas to help DD, rather than post?

What about a Man Utd football shirt? You could get one for him, or one for DD with his surname printed on the back? Sorry if that sounds a bit ghoulish, just trying to think, don't know how quickly you could get a signed pic?

Original poster

salsmum · 29/12/2008 15:21

fbf That sounds like a really nice idea about the shirt don't think it's goulish at all. I will look around in bereavement section but think i'll not post. She's on Facebook at mo reading all the lovely msgs people have posted to her and i think that's helping a lil. Thankfully he came to visit a week sat and they exchanged gifts and I lifted her out of her chair and she gave him sooo many kisses I'm thankfull that that was her last memory.

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Original poster

salsmum · 29/12/2008 15:28

p.s. hope u don't mind but I had a quick look at ur profile page and what a stunner lil Gabriel is I was told my daughter may never talk shes now a beautiful 19 yr old with Cerebral Palsy who never stops talking!! and givin her 'teenage opinions' she has also just completed a Health and Social care course...2 distinctions [sp] and a merit Docs don't get it right every time

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Original poster

salsmum · 29/12/2008 15:28

oops sori last msg aimed at fbf

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A7X · 29/12/2008 17:30

oh your poor dd

Tclanger · 29/12/2008 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

patspeed · 30/12/2008 00:50

that's so sad

bollistolliholly · 30/12/2008 00:56

so sorry, think any of the things you have spoken of are fine. It is really all about coping together and letting go in the spirit of the person you have lost - i think x

KerryMumbles · 30/12/2008 00:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amber32002 · 30/12/2008 07:44

No words good enough - but thoughts and prayers assured

TotalChaos · 30/12/2008 08:45

very sorry to hear of this. absolutely tragic.

Hassled · 30/12/2008 08:48

I'm so sorry - what an awful thing for someone so young to have to cope with.

mum24boyz · 30/12/2008 08:52

just want to send my condolances and some healing thoughts to her hun. i think the united shirt is a nice idea, there is a site online somewhere where they are much cheaper than on the official site, i will try and find out what it is called for you, might be to late for him to go with him though, think they take about a wk. i think do whatever you think helps your dd hun, we sometimes instinctively know this, good luck to you all x

Original poster

salsmum · 30/12/2008 12:00

Thank you so much everyone mum24boyz I would really appreciate your help re:shirt his passing has really hit us all hard and its tragic to think that in all those goodwill msgs left on his f/book there are other brave, young men about the same age as him who also have MD . My daughter and Sam really did have a rare heartfelt love for one another that could not be physical because of his/her disabilities a rare find these days...but his eyes/smile [and the words they said to one another]kept their relationship strong for the time they were together I would have been prouu to have had him as a son-in-law.

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Original poster

salsmum · 30/12/2008 12:01

oops sori that should have been proud

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bullet123 · 30/12/2008 13:15

Very sorry to hear this .

mum24boyz · 30/12/2008 15:04

salsmum, the website is bestway4you.com, he has used them and they are ok, unfortunately it says the office is closed till next monday so its a matter of how long you have really i suppose. hope that helps though. my thoughts are with you all and all his family. x

jenk1 · 30/12/2008 16:40

hi salsmum,

im so sorry about your daughters boyfriend.

i dont think it strange at all that she wants to have a picture done in her wedding dress.

when my nanna died,we put red roses in her hands in her coffin cos she liked them,she loved the great grandkids drawing her pictures so we put a couple in with her as well,as well as a letter from us all telling her how much we loved her and would miss her.

my grandad died in october,he loved playing spoons,so i bought 2 silver ones and tied a red velvet ribbon around them and placed them in his hands,also another letter telling him how much we loved him and his favourite trilby hat and his car keys as he was always worrying that he had lost them.

whatever makes your daughter able to cope with this i think is fine,dont worry about what other people say or think,i never have.

jen
xx

LollipopViolet · 30/12/2008 17:04

I'm so sorry about your daughter's boyfriend.

I think it's great she wants something to remember him by, the wedding dress idea is lovely IMO, seeing as the relationship was so long.

Is there a way she can get thoughts onto paper? Getting all your feelings written down in some way can really help.

She might not agree right now, but it will get better, the pain will ease, but he'll always be in her heart, and yours too.

bubblagirl · 30/12/2008 17:16

my heart goes out to your dd big hugs to her at this sad time

ScottishMummy · 30/12/2008 17:27

so sad,can you help her compose a photo album and momento's.dreadful for his parents too only 20

anonandlikeit · 30/12/2008 21:55

So sorry Salsmum, my cousin died of DMD, it is a horrible condition, it is lovely that your dd & her bf were able to share their precious relationship.

I don't think there is anything right or wrong for her to do, I guess if it feels right to her it probabily is iykwim.

Original poster

salsmum · 01/01/2009 20:43

Thank you everyone sal has decided she wants to wear his fav deodrant so she feels hes still near and we went to Bluewater today and she had the fav pic of them both put to canvas it's stunning. She wanted the guy to add 'true love never dies' on the pic so I think that's helping too. He was an only child so very much a loss for the parents. I spoke to his mum yesterday and she said if sal wants a song played at funeral that was special to them then they will play it sal has chose The Rose by Westlife...I'm sure he'd approve x

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