I am a mother on a hunt - does anyone recognise these symptons? I really need help.

[senatorvass]

I posted this in behaviour but was advised to try here. [http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/672067-What-ALTERNATIVES-to-time-out-are-there-fo r-a-2?msgid=13671696 please read posts by senatorvass]]

many many thanks. He seems very disturbed by all of this... emotionally he is a wreck and I cant sort it out. I am beginning to wonder if there is another problem. I have been told he is G&T so perhaps its stuff to go along with that but I need to cover all my bases and I badly need help. I have a gorgeous lovely little boy who is sometimes drowning in panic/emotional distress etc.

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Put a double [[ around the start to make it a functioning link

r-a-2?msgid=13671696 please read posts by senatorvass

You've had good advice there - I'm sure you realise that the vast majority of 2 year olds are bloody hard work, but agree that there seems to be more to it with your DS. Agree also re 2.6 being very young for time out - one problem with verbal kids is that while they seem to be able to communicate well and understand, they don't actually have the emotional intelligence to back that up; I mean they can appear very mature, and so it's easy to forget that they're still babies.

In your shoes I would go back to a different GP and demand a referral - possibly Ed Psych or Community Paediatrician?

thanks and sorry I have a splitting awful migraine & missed that!

Hi Senatorvass, so if I've got this right your lovely little one absolutely panics if he hears another child crying, is hyperverbal, and has times when he throws things and seems totally out of control/

Few quick questions - you say in the other thread he has a rock-solid routine. What happens if you change it unexpectedly? How does he cope with social events like parties where he has to do things he's not familiar with unexpectedly, and socialise with people? How is he with his things - what happens if someone changes the rules of play with his toys, or moves them when he doesn't see them do it? How is he with eye contact and understanding and using gestures?

i agree with others TO is just not going to work with a child who is genuinely so distraught.

Cuddles will only ever raise a childs self esteem, and make them feel safe and happy - NEVER 'spoil' them. Similarly praise will only raise a childs confidence, and CANT do any harm at all. so cuddles all round i reckon can only help.

I have an 'oversensitive' child too - (who used to have nightly screaming and tearing, dragging at his clothes and face and the walls as well! It was known that he had particularly sensitive feet, hated shoes and socks, but loved to stroke his fave blanket with his toes. so a trial week of babygrows without feet... and the disturbing behaviour stopped completely!) - but i digress, i was just wondering if there were things, physical or mental, that your LO just cant cope with very well and is putting him thru a great deal of upset without you even knowing what the problem is? My LO cant cope with bright-lights, loud noises, tight clothes (inc dungarees), all manner of textures, perhaps yours is the same with an added bonus of being anxious too? i really feel for the both of you.

thanks very much again - I hope you are all having a wonderful christmas.

In answer to your questions amber (and thanks for asking me thoughtful things it helps me get it clear in my head) - if his routine is messed up he falls apart completely. He HAS to have his nap etc at the right time, he wont nap in buggy it has to be in bed. He is very very into his routine.

We had a xmas party here the other day and he was miserable. He was really overwhelmed and crying a lot and unhappy. He really hates bright light. We have to close the curtains every day at a certain time til the sun passes then we open them again. He has been saying "the sun shines brightly" in distress since he was about 11 months old. He is great with eye contact and gestures and also as I said he is very verbal and uses the right intonation etc.

All of his things have personalities and rules and roles and he has to choose where they go etc. He puts all his "friends" (cuddly toys) to bed each night in THE order they have to go in. The order used to be the same every night but lately its been changing.

misscutandstick he is like yours as well he wont let certain textures touch him and he hates tight clothes.

Hope that information gives you some more idea of what he is like. And I just have to say... he is so special. I mean he is lovely. He feeds me and asks me if I want more and chooses my jewellry every day and tells me I am pretty and he loves me... he is a delightful little boy. But he is just too vulnerable and upset and I am living on a knifes edge.

Yes, I'd say that it's definitely worth getting a professional opinion on what can best help him to make the most of his talents and minimise his sensory problems etc.

Would ask your GP to refer you to a developmental paediatrician.

amber & attila, does it all ring any bells with you? Does it sound like anything you know of? Is there any research I can do on my own?

Very simalar to dd1 at that age, had to put her teddies to bed in order, wouldnt sleep in a pushchair/car, loved routine, hated loud noise (crying) and very verbal.

Senatorvass, I'm not able to say what it is, but I'm guessing that a paediatrician would be looking at Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) /Autism Spectrum Disability (ASD)/similar types of things to see if those could be discounted? Worth having a look round the internet for those to see what you think?

I do agree that it sounds as if your son definitely has sensory sensitivities - light, sound, texture etc and I would go straight to your gp and ask for a referral to a paediatrician or OT so they can start to get things moving to help him. Don't be fobbed off by the wait and see approach, ask for the appointment now and get on the wait list. If things suddenly change you can always cancel it but it's better to be in the system as soon as possible as waiting lists can be lengthy.

Early intervention can make a big difference - please don't panic with anything you might read on the internet. If it does turn out to be something like an ASD it sounds as if it would be the higher functioning end of the spectrum but your son may well need help to overcome his sensory issues.

Hi senatorvass, I agree with others, what I did was to go to my GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician, I took with me a printed out list of all of his behaviours/issues and am about half way through getting a dx now.

I think cuddles and praise is better than time out (my ds sounds very similar to yours), I have also taught him to take deep breaths to calm himself and control his breathing this tends to take the focus on whatever has caused the anxiety/upset, and gives him a moment to take stock. Even though he is very loving with me I don't make physical contact until he is calm again, so his cuddle is reward for calming down, rather than a reaction to him crying or flipping out. Does that make sense?

Sorry to ramble on but your phrase living on a knife reay struck a cord with me too. I have come to realise I was always on edge making sure everythng was 'right' for ds, and that this wouldn't help him long term. That is how I looked more at how we could move past something being out of his control or comfort zone, how to get through it,etc. I figure in the outside world I am not always with him and having some coping techiques can be invaluable to him.
Sometimes he does his breathing, sometimes repeats scripts, or sometimes 'retreats'.

thanks very much everyone. I have been looking at SPD and ASD stuff on line and he does indeed tick a lot of the boxes. I will get him to the GP ASAP and insist on a referral - I am worried, our GP is pretty useless but I will get it sorted no matter what.

Its weird... I hope you dont mind me being very open but i have such a strange feeling. I just need to talk to people about it who understand. I feel like I am on a mission to save him from something. I have this thing in my head driving me even when I sleep and it just repeats that I must help him. He can be so happy, but there is something wrong, me and DH both know it and all of a sudden all these months of failed playdates and traumatic playgroups and tears and hurt and upset is crystallizing into a knowledge that he needs help now while he is still very young.

yes - it is very hard when you are consumed with worry - I have at times had to consciously build in time when I don't think of DS's problems (language delay). try to enjoy your DS and your life. positive action - looking for the referral, and doing some reading to find out how best to help your DS (certainly with ASD there are lots of good self-help type books available with strategies you can work on at home)- is good, better than worrying yourself silly.

thats good advice TotalChaos. I will do just that. I am strangely enjoying my time with DS more now - its almost like the pressure to make him "better behaved" or more like X,Y and Z has been relieved. I can just deal with him on a more instinctive level rather than trying to tick lots of boxes. And also I am feeling more compassion for him when he is being difficult and not getting so wound up. So I am already seeing a silver lining. Its always better to know what you are facing isnt it than to wonder why your child is suffering in whatever way.

Totally identify with you - it was far easier for me once I realised there was actually a problem with ds and stopped expecting him to be like his peers. Ironically, since that point he's improved dramatically and is more like his peers.

If your GP is rubbish, don't worry, just get him/her to refer you on - they are obliged to do it if you request it (according to BIL who is a GP), and then they'll be out of the loop anyway.

Does remind me of my DS1 (now 9)- Aspergers / HFA

A referral is a good diea- often just doing something helps. It does me, anyhow.

there's a good book on Amazon that has ideas not for just AS kids but any child who has aspects of that diagnosis - I shall find a link. It's a great starting point I think

Does remind me of my DS1 (now 9)- Aspergers / HFA

A referral is a good diea- often just doing something helps. It does me, anyhow.

there's a good book on Amazon that has ideas not for just AS kids but any child who has aspects of that diagnosis - I shall find a link. It's a great starting point I think

here

Have a look at the national autistic society website, esp. the triad of impairments- does it seem to resemble your child?

thank you peachy, that book does indeed look very good. I have had a look at the triad of impairments and to be honest I am not sure... DS has an AMAZINGLY vivid imagination... please correct me if I am wrong but dont children with aspergers tend to be less imaginiative? Also he is very very verbal and wordy and it says on the triad thing that they tend to have difficulty with verbal information. Would be interested to know your thoughts on those things but either way there is enough there that I want that book.